The
The

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lines
 lines

lines

want
 want

want

hands
 hands

hands

no
 no

no

their
their

their

sexs
sexs

sexs

overly
overly

overly

comming
comming

comming

overeating
overeating

overeating

🔥 | Latest

the city: inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
the city: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: so...

the city: wwwwyamd: a-humble-waffle: burn-brighter-than-fire: oxfordcommaforever: etanselian: sexhaver: the LAPD is having a town hall and getting fucking eviscerated The automated YouTube captions are bad in places so here is a transcription of this incredible call. [Video description: A Zoom call featuring a video grid of seven attendees, all of whom are members of the Los Angeles Police Commission. There is a timer in the upper left corner for callers keeping them to two minutes. The current caller is Jon Barr.] LAPC President Eileen Decker, responding to the question “can you hear me?”: Yes, we can. Barr: Great. Uh, first things first: Chief Moore, you’ve got to do a better job of pretending you care about this, man. I’ve been watching you roll your eyes and offer halfhearted smirks acting like a teenager who’s falling asleep in detention. Are you not aware of the war crimes your department’s doing, or are you just that impatient to go do more of them? I see a lot of you, particularly Soboroff, only react when folks use profanity in their remarks. If you think curse words are bad, wait until you hear about these 600-plus murders your department has committed over the last seven years! As long as Moore’s out here equating peaceful protestors with cops who murder black people, you all could pretend to be as angry about murder as the F-word, okay kids? I know you’re all having a rough day, what with everyone here telling you you’re bad at your jobs. Have you considered being good at your jobs? If not, you could find new jobs in retail or restaurants. I know how desperate Garcetti is to get Angelenos consuming again during a global pandemic. Where were the curfews then, by the way? Weird. Chief Moore is morally obligated to resign. Mikey, I know you said you didn’t mean protestors are as much to blame for George Floyd’s murder as his murderers – that’s a lie! It is what you meant! And we all know it. Mikey’s made it clear in his racist actions and empty platitudes that he doesn’t care about the well-being of his constituents. He loves to tear gas them, blind them, force them indoors with curfews that are announced only a half-hour before they take effect, and racially profile as he does so! Don’t think I didn’t hear about how yesterday you sent out an alert in English saying curfew started at 5PM, and sent out an alert right after in Spanish saying it started at 6! What’s up with that, bud? All your cute Zoom background photos of the city won’t trick us into thinking you care about anyone but yourselves and what’s in your pockets. To close with a James Cameron quote, “Cops think of all non-cops as less than they are: stupid, weak, and evil. They dehumanize the people they are sworn to protect, and desensitize themselves in order to do that job.” That’s you pigs to a T. Black lives matter, act like it. Happy Tuesday. This one was amazing. I’m also a big fan of this one- short and sweet [Video description: Zoom call featuring a video grid of seven attendees, all of whom are members of the Los Angeles Police Commission. There is a timer in the upper left corner for callers set to 30 seconds. The current caller is Jeremy Frisch.] Frisch: Hello can you hear me? Woman: Hi, yes. Frisch [getting progressively louder and angrier]: Black lives matter, defund the police. I find it disgusting that the LAPD is slaughtering peaceful protestors on the street. I had two friends go to the protest in Beverly Hills a couple days ago and the protest was peaceful until the police showed up with their excessive violent force, shooting rubber bullets and throwing tear gas. [Frisch is now yelling] Is this what you think is protecting and serving? Because I think it’s bullshit! Fuck you Michael Moore! I refuse to call you an officer or a chief because you don’t deserve those titles. You are a disgrace! Suck my dick and choke on it! I yield my time. FUCK YOU! Holy mother of FUCK they went off Thank you, thank you thank you for transcribing this because I was in a position with my “neutral” family where I couldn’t listen. Thank you
the city: wwwwyamd:
a-humble-waffle:


burn-brighter-than-fire:

oxfordcommaforever:

etanselian:

sexhaver:
the LAPD is having a town hall and getting fucking eviscerated
The automated YouTube captions are bad in places so here is a transcription of this incredible call.
[Video description: A Zoom call featuring a video grid of seven attendees, all of whom are members of the Los Angeles Police Commission. There is a timer in the upper left corner for callers keeping them to two minutes. The current caller is Jon Barr.]
LAPC President Eileen Decker, responding to the question “can you hear me?”: Yes, we can.
Barr: Great. Uh, first things first: Chief Moore, you’ve got to do a better job of pretending you care about this, man. I’ve been watching you roll your eyes and offer halfhearted smirks acting like a teenager who’s falling asleep in detention. Are you not aware of the war crimes your department’s doing, or are you just that impatient to go do more of them? I see a lot of you, particularly Soboroff, only react when folks use profanity in their remarks. If you think curse words are bad, wait until you hear about these 600-plus murders your department has committed over the last seven years! As long as Moore’s out here equating peaceful protestors with cops who murder black people, you all could pretend to be as angry about murder as the F-word, okay kids? I know you’re all having a rough day, what with everyone here telling you you’re bad at your jobs. Have you considered being good at your jobs? If not, you could find new jobs in retail or restaurants. I know how desperate Garcetti is to get Angelenos consuming again during a global pandemic. Where were the curfews then, by the way? Weird. Chief Moore is morally obligated to resign. Mikey, I know you said you didn’t mean protestors are as much to blame for George Floyd’s murder as his murderers – that’s a lie! It is what you meant! And we all know it. Mikey’s made it clear in his racist actions and empty platitudes that he doesn’t care about the well-being of his constituents. He loves to tear gas them, blind them, force them indoors with curfews that are announced only a half-hour before they take effect, and racially profile as he does so! Don’t think I didn’t hear about how yesterday you sent out an alert in English saying curfew started at 5PM, and sent out an alert right after in Spanish saying it started at 6! What’s up with that, bud? All your cute Zoom background photos of the city won’t trick us into thinking you care about anyone but yourselves and what’s in your pockets. To close with a James Cameron quote, “Cops think of all non-cops as less than they are: stupid, weak, and evil. They dehumanize the people they are sworn to protect, and desensitize themselves in order to do that job.” That’s you pigs to a T. Black lives matter, act like it. Happy Tuesday.



This one was amazing. 
I’m also a big fan of this one- short and sweet 

[Video description: Zoom call featuring a video grid of seven attendees, all of whom are members of the Los Angeles Police Commission. There is a timer in the upper left corner for callers set to 30 seconds. The current caller is Jeremy Frisch.]
Frisch: Hello can you hear me?
Woman: Hi, yes. 
Frisch [getting progressively louder and angrier]: Black lives matter, defund the police. I find it disgusting that the LAPD is slaughtering peaceful protestors on the street. I had two friends go to the protest in Beverly Hills a couple days ago and the protest was peaceful until the police showed up with their excessive violent force, shooting rubber bullets and throwing tear gas. 
[Frisch is now yelling] 
Is this what you think is protecting and serving? Because I think it’s bullshit! Fuck you Michael Moore! I refuse to call you an officer or a chief because you don’t deserve those titles. You are a disgrace! Suck my dick and choke on it! I yield my time. FUCK YOU!



Holy mother of FUCK they went off



Thank you, thank you thank you for transcribing this because I was in a position with my “neutral” family where I couldn’t listen. Thank you

wwwwyamd: a-humble-waffle: burn-brighter-than-fire: oxfordcommaforever: etanselian: sexhaver: the LAPD is having a town hall and get...

the city: The city of world’s desire
the city: The city of world’s desire

The city of world’s desire

the city: yeah, life as a woman is basically one big Sex and the City episode 🙄 (credit: @fettyschwapp) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8oRtHwByym/?igshid=m2dqcgsq1g85
the city: yeah, life as a woman is basically one big Sex and the City episode 🙄 (credit: @fettyschwapp) 
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8oRtHwByym/?igshid=m2dqcgsq1g85

yeah, life as a woman is basically one big Sex and the City episode 🙄 (credit: @fettyschwapp) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8oRtHwByym/?i...

the city: fenixfoxtrot510: tyrantisterror: driftingindeadspace: tyrantisterror: driftingindeadspace: tyrantisterror: godzilla3092: tyrantisterror: godzilla201460: mark9-jaeger-kaiju-gesundheit: The Man of Steel vs the King of the Monsters by DR-Studios Man of steel is fucked. One is a horrifying unstoppable murder monster that smashes buildings and kills all who oppose it while laughing off the pitiful weapons humanity throws at it and never once stops to consider the value of the human lives that get caught in the wake of its titanic battles for supremacy. The other is Godzilla. I’d hate to say it, you guys, but Godzilla probably wouldn’t win that fight. Probably not, not.  At some point Godzilla would try to avoid killing innocent bystanders, at which point Superman would make the kill shot in a way that forces Godzilla’s corpse to fall onto and crush as many fleeing human beings as possible.  Superman would then toss the carcass into a dozen or so more buildings, specifically aiming for those that are still inhabited by trapped people, and maybe drag the corpse through the rubble just in case a few humans clung onto life despite their grievous wounds before finally leaving the carcass on a school or hospital to rot and fester - or maybe in the water supply to ensure the maximum amount of people can be exposed to whatever diseases result. Then he’d threaten the military not to cross him again before making a terrible sex joke at Amy Adams. I’m sorry to say, but you got both of these characters COMPLETELY backwards. No, Godzilla does go out of his way to avoid hurting innocent bystanders - at least in the 2014 movie, which is the version shown in the picture above.  Godzilla tries his best to avoid going through the Golden Gate bridge, avoids swimming through navy ships, and even tries to walk around buildings rather than through them when fighting the wicked mutos.  And he does it in a few other movies, too - one time that stands out to me occurs in the original Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla he actually leads the evil MechaGodzilla away from the city into the wilderness before having a brutal match. So yeah, I’d say I have them pretty spot on. I think the reason he doesn’t go through buildings because that would be fucking stupid. Also he didn’t seem to care enough when he started smashing the golden gate bridge with the bus full of children on it when the military attacked him. Or how about the time he flooded all of Hawaii? He’s not consciously protecting humans because all he cares about is killing the MUTOS. He most likely fights them for territory which would kind of make sense as to why he would want to be killed by Superman in the first place 1. Godzilla was knocked into the bridge by those missiles.  There’s a difference between stumbling into something when someone pushes you into it and purposely knocking that thing over.  What happened with Godzilla and the bridge was the former - he actually spent a good chunk of time avoiding the bridge and blocking it from the missiles with his body before he was finally forced through it.  That’s not Godzilla’s fault, that’s the military’s. 2. Godzilla didn’t mean to flood Hawaii - he probably wasn’t even aware of how the water was being displaced.  It’s destructive, sure, but it’s not something he could avoid.  It’s not the same as, say, a super powered murderer tackling another super powered murderer through a cornfield into a populated area like some kind of sociopath. I don’t know why you’re trying to paint Godzilla in such a negative light, but it kinda scares me. Ya’ll lay off Godzilla! He’s trying his best! His best is all he can do and it’s difficult to do so when litteral armies of people are trying to sabotage him! Godzilla is the local Lizard that won’t hurt the ants because they need each other.Superman is the invasive bird that seeks to eat all ants to assert dominance
the city: fenixfoxtrot510:

tyrantisterror:
driftingindeadspace:

tyrantisterror:

driftingindeadspace:

tyrantisterror:

godzilla3092:

tyrantisterror:

godzilla201460:

mark9-jaeger-kaiju-gesundheit:

The Man of Steel vs the King of the Monsters by DR-Studios

Man of steel is fucked.

One is a horrifying unstoppable murder monster that smashes buildings and kills all who oppose it while laughing off the pitiful weapons humanity throws at it and never once stops to consider the value of the human lives that get caught in the wake of its titanic battles for supremacy.
The other is Godzilla.

I’d hate to say it, you guys, but Godzilla probably wouldn’t win that fight.

Probably not, not.  At some point Godzilla would try to avoid killing innocent bystanders, at which point Superman would make the kill shot in a way that forces Godzilla’s corpse to fall onto and crush as many fleeing human beings as possible.  Superman would then toss the carcass into a dozen or so more buildings, specifically aiming for those that are still inhabited by trapped people, and maybe drag the corpse through the rubble just in case a few humans clung onto life despite their grievous wounds before finally leaving the carcass on a school or hospital to rot and fester - or maybe in the water supply to ensure the maximum amount of people can be exposed to whatever diseases result.
Then he’d threaten the military not to cross him again before making a terrible sex joke at Amy Adams.

I’m sorry to say, but you got both of these characters COMPLETELY backwards.

No, Godzilla does go out of his way to avoid hurting innocent bystanders - at least in the 2014 movie, which is the version shown in the picture above.  Godzilla tries his best to avoid going through the Golden Gate bridge, avoids swimming through navy ships, and even tries to walk around buildings rather than through them when fighting the wicked mutos.  And he does it in a few other movies, too - one time that stands out to me occurs in the original Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla he actually leads the evil MechaGodzilla away from the city into the wilderness before having a brutal match.
So yeah, I’d say I have them pretty spot on.

I think the reason he doesn’t go through buildings because that would be fucking stupid. Also he didn’t seem to care enough when he started smashing the golden gate bridge with the bus full of children on it when the military attacked him. Or how about the time he flooded all of Hawaii? He’s not consciously protecting humans because all he cares about is killing the MUTOS. He most likely fights them for territory which would kind of make sense as to why he would want to be killed by Superman in the first place

1. Godzilla was knocked into the bridge by those missiles.  There’s a difference between stumbling into something when someone pushes you into it and purposely knocking that thing over.  What happened with Godzilla and the bridge was the former - he actually spent a good chunk of time avoiding the bridge and blocking it from the missiles with his body before he was finally forced through it.  That’s not Godzilla’s fault, that’s the military’s.
2. Godzilla didn’t mean to flood Hawaii - he probably wasn’t even aware of how the water was being displaced.  It’s destructive, sure, but it’s not something he could avoid.  It’s not the same as, say, a super powered murderer tackling another super powered murderer through a cornfield into a populated area like some kind of sociopath.
I don’t know why you’re trying to paint Godzilla in such a negative light, but it kinda scares me.



Ya’ll lay off Godzilla! He’s trying his best! His best is all he can do and it’s difficult to do so when litteral armies of people are trying to sabotage him!


Godzilla is the local Lizard that won’t hurt the ants because they need each other.Superman is the invasive bird that seeks to eat all ants to assert dominance

fenixfoxtrot510: tyrantisterror: driftingindeadspace: tyrantisterror: driftingindeadspace: tyrantisterror: godzilla3092: tyrantiste...

the city: When my friends ask me to walk around the city two days after leg day. Gymaholic App: https://www.gymaholic.co #fitness #motivation #meme #workout #gymaholic
the city: When my friends ask me to walk around the city two days after leg day.  Gymaholic App: https://www.gymaholic.co  #fitness #motivation #meme #workout #gymaholic

When my friends ask me to walk around the city two days after leg day. Gymaholic App: https://www.gymaholic.co #fitness #motivation #me...

the city: we saved the city!
the city: we saved the city!

we saved the city!

the city: land-of-maps: Current and historic extent of indigenous vegetation in the City of Cape Town, South Africa [1240x1753] [OC]
the city: land-of-maps:

Current and historic extent of indigenous vegetation in the City of Cape Town, South Africa [1240x1753] [OC]

land-of-maps: Current and historic extent of indigenous vegetation in the City of Cape Town, South Africa [1240x1753] [OC]

the city: don’t overcomplicate it. Escape the city, eat/drink healthy, have babies.
the city: don’t overcomplicate it. Escape the city, eat/drink healthy, have babies.

don’t overcomplicate it. Escape the city, eat/drink healthy, have babies.

the city: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
the city: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

the city: Austin Gilkeson @osutein Bruce Wayne paying 90% taxes on income and capital gains over $10 million would do more to help Gotham than Batman ever could. Let's Talk Justice League! @letstalkjla 2d What's your most controversial opinion about Batman? despicabledeadpool: midnight-revelation: despicabledeadpool: Dude, he’s like, the ultimate philanthropist  Gotham, before Bruce Wayne returns to it, is literally falling apart and he all but single-handedly provides the funds necessary to maintain the infrastructure of the city. He keeps the hospitals up and running, prevents the schools from shutting down, keeps Gotham Police Department functional, and keeps organized crime out of Blüdhaven by rebuilding it and revitalizing the job sector. Philanthropic billionaire Bruce Wayne is responsible for this, not The Dark Knight Batman. He had absolutely no obligation to do any of this. He didn’t have to start The Martha Wayne Foundation or The Thomas Wayne Foundation or Wayne Medical or Wayne Industries. He did it because to save Gotham, it would take more than just Batman beating up on the bad guys, stopping organized crime, and getting rid of corrupt officials. Saving a city from crime means nothing if the city and its people are in physical and financial ruin when all is said and done. ┏┓  ┃┃╱╲ in this┃╱╱╲╲  city╱╱╭╮╲╲  we ▔▏┗┛▕▔    appreciate╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  Bruce Wayne╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
the city: Austin Gilkeson
 @osutein
 Bruce Wayne paying 90% taxes on
 income and capital gains over $10
 million would do more to help Gotham
 than Batman ever could.
 Let's Talk Justice League! @letstalkjla 2d
 What's your most controversial opinion about
 Batman?
despicabledeadpool:

midnight-revelation:
despicabledeadpool:

Dude, he’s like, the ultimate philanthropist 

Gotham, before Bruce Wayne returns to it, is literally falling apart and he all but single-handedly provides the funds necessary to maintain the infrastructure of the city. He keeps the hospitals up and running, prevents the schools from shutting down, keeps Gotham Police Department functional, and keeps organized crime out of Blüdhaven by rebuilding it and revitalizing the job sector. Philanthropic billionaire Bruce Wayne is responsible for this, not The Dark Knight Batman. He had absolutely no obligation to do any of this. He didn’t have to start The Martha Wayne Foundation or The Thomas Wayne Foundation or Wayne Medical or Wayne Industries. He did it because to save Gotham, it would take more than just Batman beating up on the bad guys, stopping organized crime, and getting rid of corrupt officials. Saving a city from crime means nothing if the city and its people are in physical and financial ruin when all is said and done.

┏┓  ┃┃╱╲ in this┃╱╱╲╲  city╱╱╭╮╲╲  we ▔▏┗┛▕▔    appreciate╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  Bruce Wayne╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

despicabledeadpool: midnight-revelation: despicabledeadpool: Dude, he’s like, the ultimate philanthropist  Gotham, before Bruce Wayne...

the city: The City: Superheroes: “We saved the city!” The City:
the city: The City:
Superheroes: “We saved the city!” The City:

Superheroes: “We saved the city!” The City:

the city: arianod: rainbowbarnacle: alexander-lamington: gallusrostromegalus: jhaernyl: botanyshitposts: spirit-of-science: thebloggerbloggerfun: teafortrouble: eteo: fall-for-nothing: trickster-eridan: buttpilgrim: scientificperfection: kittiesinthemorning: I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟ it’s back Satan lemon every villain is lemons And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit. And now: The Weather. This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses? @botanyshitposts do you know about this? a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.  im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.  @gallusrostromegalus WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE! The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh… it’s mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens. All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this: It’s big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process.  YAMAOG also finds out that it’s REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhudda’s palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit. YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year.  In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch. Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are If you’ve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns. If it’s only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you. GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like it’s actually rotting, it’s safe to eat!  weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual. Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice! @motorizedduck relevant
the city: arianod:
rainbowbarnacle:

alexander-lamington:

gallusrostromegalus:

jhaernyl:

botanyshitposts:


spirit-of-science:

thebloggerbloggerfun:

teafortrouble:

eteo:

fall-for-nothing:

trickster-eridan:

buttpilgrim:

scientificperfection:

kittiesinthemorning:

I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟

it’s back

Satan lemon

every villain is lemons

And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.

And now: The Weather.

This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me
they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses?

@botanyshitposts do you know about this?

a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway. 
im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit. 


@gallusrostromegalus 

WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE!
The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh… it’s mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens.
All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this:
It’s big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process.  YAMAOG also finds out that it’s REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhudda’s palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit.
YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year.  In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch.
Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are
If you’ve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns.
If it’s only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you.
GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like it’s actually rotting, it’s safe to eat!  weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual.
Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice!



@motorizedduck

relevant

arianod: rainbowbarnacle: alexander-lamington: gallusrostromegalus: jhaernyl: botanyshitposts: spirit-of-science: thebloggerblogge...

the city: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
the city: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

the city: arianod: rainbowbarnacle: alexander-lamington: gallusrostromegalus: jhaernyl: botanyshitposts: spirit-of-science: thebloggerbloggerfun: teafortrouble: eteo: fall-for-nothing: trickster-eridan: buttpilgrim: scientificperfection: kittiesinthemorning: I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟ it’s back Satan lemon every villain is lemons And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit. And now: The Weather. This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses? @botanyshitposts do you know about this? a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.  im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.  @gallusrostromegalus WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE! The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh… it’s mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens. All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this: It’s big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process.  YAMAOG also finds out that it’s REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhudda’s palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit. YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year.  In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch. Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are If you’ve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns. If it’s only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you. GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like it’s actually rotting, it’s safe to eat!  weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual. Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice! @motorizedduck relevant
the city: arianod:

rainbowbarnacle:

alexander-lamington:

gallusrostromegalus:

jhaernyl:

botanyshitposts:


spirit-of-science:

thebloggerbloggerfun:

teafortrouble:

eteo:

fall-for-nothing:

trickster-eridan:

buttpilgrim:

scientificperfection:

kittiesinthemorning:

I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟

it’s back

Satan lemon

every villain is lemons

And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.

And now: The Weather.

This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me
they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses?

@botanyshitposts do you know about this?

a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway. 
im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit. 


@gallusrostromegalus 

WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE!
The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh… it’s mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens.
All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this:
It’s big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process.  YAMAOG also finds out that it’s REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhudda’s palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit.
YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year.  In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch.
Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are
If you’ve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns.
If it’s only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you.
GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like it’s actually rotting, it’s safe to eat!  weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual.
Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice!



@motorizedduck

relevant

arianod: rainbowbarnacle: alexander-lamington: gallusrostromegalus: jhaernyl: botanyshitposts: spirit-of-science: thebloggerblogg...