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Alive, America, and Asian: did you know? Photographer Diana Kim, whose father abandoned her when she was 5, wanted to document the lives of the homeless. Searching for subjects on the streets, she came upon a thin and distant man in rags who looked somewhat familiar. It was her father. By fate or by chance, she'd found him after 25 years. PHOTO: DIANA KIM DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM did-you-kno: He had schizophrenia. He didn’t recognize her. She did everything she could to connect with him, but he refused treatment, medication, food, or new clothing. Eventually, he said to her: “Diana, I am so sorry for not being in your life. I am so happy that you have a family of your own now. Do better for them… … Don’t worry about me or what everyone says about me. If you want to make me proud and happy, be there for your family the way your mom and I never were. Stop trying to save everyone…just worry about yourself and your family. And don’t forget why I named you Diana, you are the light within the darkness.” So she refused to give up. After suffering a heart attack, he agreed to get help and slowly took control of his own life. One day he suddenly called her to invite her out for coffee. Later that afternoon, she wrote on her blog: “I feel like I just met my father for the first time today.” “I struggled to reconcile my feelings toward my father’s absence in my life, while continuing to care deeply for him and other homeless individuals.” “Over time, I learned to navigate through my feelings of desperation and became more vocal in my community about my father’s condition and what it’s like to watch a loved one battle mental illness.” He is now doing very well, and they are rebuilding their relationship from the ground up. “So long as we are alive in this world, every day is an opportunity to take hold of that ‘second chance.’ There is no failure unless you give up, and he never gave up. And I haven’t given up on him.” Source
Alive, America, and Asian: did you know?
 Photographer Diana Kim, whose
 father abandoned her when she
 was 5, wanted to document the
 lives of the homeless. Searching
 for subjects on the streets, she
 came upon a thin and distant man
 in rags who looked somewhat familiar.
 It was her father. By fate or by chance,
 she'd found him after 25 years.
 PHOTO: DIANA KIM
 DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM
did-you-kno:



He had schizophrenia. He didn’t recognize her. She did everything she could to connect with him, but he refused treatment, medication, food, or new clothing.


Eventually, he said to her: “Diana, I am so sorry for not being in your life. I am so happy that you have a family of your own now. Do better for them…
… Don’t worry about me or what everyone says about me. If you want to make me proud and happy, be there for your family the way your mom and I never were. Stop trying to save everyone…just worry about yourself and your family. And don’t forget why I named you Diana, you are the light within the darkness.” So she refused to give up.
After suffering a heart attack, he agreed to get help and slowly took control of his own life.
One day he suddenly called her to invite her out for coffee. Later that afternoon, she wrote on her blog: “I feel like I just met my father for the first time today.”
“I struggled to reconcile my feelings toward my father’s absence in my life, while continuing to care deeply for him and other homeless individuals.”
“Over time, I learned to navigate through my feelings of desperation and became more vocal in my community about my father’s condition and what it’s like to watch a loved one battle mental illness.”
He is now doing very well, and they are rebuilding their relationship from the ground up. “So long as we are alive in this world, every day is an opportunity to take hold of that ‘second chance.’ There is no failure unless you give up, and he never gave up. And I haven’t given up on him.”
Source

did-you-kno: He had schizophrenia. He didn’t recognize her. She did everything she could to connect with him, but he refused treatment, m...

Brains, Girls, and Lazy: icecream-eaterrr I just heard this woman say "you procrastinate because you are afraid of rejection. It's a defense mechanism, you are trying to protect yourself without even trying." and I think I just realized what was wrong with me eupheme-butterfly Yep, this is a very, very common reason for procrastinating. It's also why procrastination, even though it's often associated with laziness, is a fairly common trait in a lot of people with anxiety and perfectionism issues dsudis This idea You're not lazy, you're protecting yourself- hit me really hard while reading, of all things, Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are, which turns out to be as much about how brains work and how relationships work as how orgasms work. In an early part of the book she talks about Fight/Flight/Freeze responses to threats-the example she uses is being attacked by a lion You fight, if you think you can defeat the lion; you run away, if you think you can escape the lion; and when you think there's nothing you can do, when you feel the lion's jaws closing on your neck, you freeze, because dying will hurt less that way. You just stop and go numb and wait for it to be over, because that is the last way to protect any scrap of yourself Later in the book, she talks about the brain process that motivates you to pursue incentives, describing it as a little monitor that gauges your progress toward a goal versus the effort you're expending. If it feels like too little progress is being made you get frustrated, get angry, and, eventually, you.. despair. You stop trying You go numb and wait for it to be over, because that's the only way left to protect yourself. So it occurred to me that these are basically the same thing-when facing a difficult task, where failure feels like a Threat, you can get frustrated and fight it out-INCREASE DOING THE THING until you get where you're going Or you can flee-try to solve the problem some other way than straight on, changing your goal, changing your approach, whatever. Fight or flight But both of those only apply when you think the problem is solvable, right? If the problem isn't solvable, then you freeze. You despair And if you're one of those Smart Kids (Smart Girls, especially) who was praised for being smart so that all tasks in the world came to be divided between Ooh This Is Easy and I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT AND IF I FUCK UP I WILL DIE, then... it's pretty easy to see how you lose the frustration/anger stage of working toward a goal, because your brain goes straight to freeze/despair every time. Things are easy and routine or they are straight up impossible So, you know, any time you manage to pull yourself up and give that lion a smack on the nose, or go stumbling away from it instead of just falling down like a fainting goat as soon as you spot it on the horizon, give yourself a gold star from me. Because this is some deeply wired survival-brain stuff. Even if logically you know that that term paper is not a lion, it really is like that sometimes Source: icecream-eaterrr 517,124 notes Procrastination
Brains, Girls, and Lazy: icecream-eaterrr
 I just heard this woman say "you procrastinate
 because you are afraid of rejection. It's a
 defense mechanism, you are trying to protect
 yourself without even trying." and I think I just
 realized what was wrong with me
 eupheme-butterfly
 Yep, this is a very, very common reason for
 procrastinating. It's also why procrastination,
 even though it's often associated with
 laziness, is a fairly common trait in a lot of
 people with anxiety and perfectionism issues
 dsudis
 This idea You're not lazy, you're protecting
 yourself- hit me really hard while reading, of
 all things, Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are,
 which turns out to be as much about how
 brains work and how relationships work as
 how orgasms work.
 In an early part of the book she talks about
 Fight/Flight/Freeze responses to threats-the
 example she uses is being attacked by a lion
 You fight, if you think you can defeat the lion;
 you run away, if you think you can escape the
 lion; and when you think there's nothing you
 can do, when you feel the lion's jaws closing
 on your neck, you freeze, because dying will
 hurt less that way. You just stop and go numb
 and wait for it to be over, because that is the
 last way to protect any scrap of yourself
 Later in the book, she talks about the brain
 process that motivates you to pursue
 incentives, describing it as a little monitor
 that gauges your progress toward a goal
 versus the effort you're expending. If it feels
 like too little progress is being made you get
 frustrated, get angry, and, eventually, you..
 despair. You stop trying
 You go numb and wait for it to be over,
 because that's the only way left to protect
 yourself.
 So it occurred to me that these are basically
 the same thing-when facing a difficult task,
 where failure feels like a Threat, you can get
 frustrated and fight it out-INCREASE DOING
 THE THING until you get where you're going
 Or you can flee-try to solve the problem some
 other way than straight on, changing your
 goal, changing your approach, whatever. Fight
 or flight
 But both of those only apply when you think
 the problem is solvable, right? If the problem
 isn't solvable, then you freeze. You despair
 And if you're one of those Smart Kids (Smart
 Girls, especially) who was praised for being
 smart so that all tasks in the world came to
 be divided between Ooh This Is Easy and I
 DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT AND IF I
 FUCK UP I WILL DIE, then... it's pretty easy
 to see how you lose the frustration/anger
 stage of working toward a goal, because your
 brain goes straight to freeze/despair every
 time. Things are easy and routine or they are
 straight up impossible
 So, you know, any time you manage to pull
 yourself up and give that lion a smack on the
 nose, or go stumbling away from it instead of
 just falling down like a fainting goat as soon
 as you spot it on the horizon, give yourself
 a gold star from me. Because this is some
 deeply wired survival-brain stuff. Even if
 logically you know that that term paper is not
 a lion, it really is like that sometimes
 Source: icecream-eaterrr
 517,124 notes
Procrastination

Procrastination