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Standup: Jennifer Dziura I've responded to this elsewhere around the Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks are often intending to purchase a lowering of the woman's defenses. If you are a woman in a bar and a man offers to buy you a this: cheerfully ask for something nonalcoholic, while indicating get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will be angry. They weren't offering a gift or just trying to strike up conversation: they wanted you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In my own experience, I have twice been offered a drink and instead suggested food -- in both cases, very inexpensive food costing the same or less than a drink drink, try willingness to a and in both -- cases, the man responded angrily. 2 minutes ago Like Reply Jennifer Dziura In one case, I met a guy at a concert.I liked him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I was starving and suggested the kebab place around the corner. I can't remember who paid, but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy pouted and I never saw him again. The other time, I had done standup in a bar and an older guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually would love some popcorn, which was sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry and acted like I had cheated him somehow. being greek-god-of-hair: erwin-with-hairpins: rainfelt: cardozzza: notyourexrotic: (source) Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious Scary, scary. Gonna add on to this:From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So: Tips for getting drinks- 1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser. 2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time. 3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol: Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail: X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state. Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%. Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%. Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21% Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%. Hope this helps someone out! Backing this up from years of bar tending.
Standup: Jennifer Dziura
 I've responded to this elsewhere around the
 Internet. Men who offer to buy women drinks
 are often intending to purchase a lowering of
 the woman's defenses. If you are a woman in
 a bar and a man offers to buy you a
 this: cheerfully ask for something
 nonalcoholic, while indicating
 get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will
 be angry. They weren't offering a gift or just
 trying to strike up conversation: they wanted
 you to be drunk and to let down your guard. In
 my own experience, I have twice been offered
 a drink and instead suggested food -- in both
 cases, very inexpensive food costing the
 same or less than a drink
 drink, try
 willingness to
 a
 and in both
 --
 cases, the man responded angrily.
 2 minutes ago Like Reply
 Jennifer Dziura
 In one case, I met a guy at a concert.I liked
 him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I
 was starving and suggested the kebab place
 around the corner. I can't remember who paid,
 but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy
 pouted and I never saw him again. The other
 time, I had done standup in a bar and an older
 guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually
 would love some popcorn, which was
 sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry
 and acted like I had cheated him somehow.
 being
greek-god-of-hair:


erwin-with-hairpins:

rainfelt:

cardozzza:

notyourexrotic:

(source)

Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious

Scary, scary.


Gonna add on to this:From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser. 
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!


Backing this up from years of bar tending.

greek-god-of-hair: erwin-with-hairpins: rainfelt: cardozzza: notyourexrotic: (source) Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so delibe...

Standup: USA TODAY Dave Chappelle to Trump voters in Netflix special: 'You are poor; he's fighting for me Carly Mallenbaum | USA TODAY Published 9:21 AM EST Dec 21, 2017 Though Dave Chappelle's new Netflix standup special was filmed long before Congress voted on a sweeping tax bill that includes a 40% tax cut for corporations. there's a bit from the comedy show that sounds relevant. In a new expletive-laden NSFW clip from his third streaming special in a year, Equanimity, out Dec. 31, Chappelle talks about the "poor whites" who elected President Trump I've never had a problem with white people ever in my life, but, full disclosure, poor whites are my least favorites. We've got a lot of trouble out of them. And I've never seen so many of them up close, Chappelle says about the "decent folk" who voted for Trump I stood with them in line... and I listened to them say naive, poor white people things" about how Trump will help them once elected. Chappelle continues: "T'm standing there, thinking in my mind, 'You dumb (expletives). You are poor. He's fighting for me. everyole Wallin seerd eceri TOIK , SOtle angty and ler deterimed. "I'm not even lying, I felt sorry for them." Chapelle continued. "I know that rich white people call poor white people trash, and the only reason I know that is because I made so much money last year the rich whites told me they say that at a cocktail party. I'm not with that shit." mysharona1987:A very, very sad situation. 
Standup: USA
 TODAY
 Dave Chappelle to Trump
 voters in Netflix special: 'You
 are poor; he's fighting for me
 Carly Mallenbaum | USA TODAY
 Published 9:21 AM EST Dec 21, 2017
 Though Dave Chappelle's new Netflix standup special was filmed long before
 Congress voted on a sweeping tax bill that includes a 40% tax cut for corporations.
 there's a bit from the comedy show that sounds relevant.
 In a new expletive-laden NSFW clip from his third streaming special in a
 year, Equanimity, out Dec. 31, Chappelle talks about the "poor whites" who elected
 President Trump
 I've never had a problem with white people ever in my life, but, full disclosure,
 poor whites are my least favorites. We've got a lot of trouble out of them. And I've
 never seen so many of them up close, Chappelle says about the "decent folk" who
 voted for Trump
 I stood with them in line... and I listened to them say naive, poor white people
 things" about how Trump will help them once elected.
 Chappelle continues: "T'm standing there, thinking in my mind, 'You dumb
 (expletives). You are poor. He's fighting for me.

 everyole Wallin seerd eceri TOIK , SOtle angty and ler deterimed.
 "I'm not even lying, I felt sorry for them." Chapelle continued. "I know that rich
 white people call poor white people trash, and the only reason I know that is
 because I made so much money last year the rich whites told me they say that at a
 cocktail party. I'm not with that shit."
mysharona1987:A very, very sad situation. 

mysharona1987:A very, very sad situation. 

Standup: We have a new roommate moving into the house today. Welre justtrying to up front with him. to up front with (Un)Official House Rules 1. Every Tuesday morning at precisely 9:45 am each roommate is required to dance in the hallway to Darude's "Sandstorm" for the entire duration. 2. At times Zach can be seen eating peanut butter from the tub with a spoon while listening to Alanis Morissette in tears. You are not to judge him, he had a bad day at work. 3. Jason decorates the kitchen for every holiday. Don't ask (We are interested to see what he has planned for Cesar Chavez Day). 4. If you hear an earth-shattering bellow that sounds like the shrieks of a silverback gorilla in heat, don't be alarmed. It's just Randall sneezing in the other room. 5. Zach can be heard cackling like a witch in his room while watching standup. He's actually conducting witchcraft and he may use you to test spells and potions 7. Certain roommates do not know how to count properly. DO NOT point it out. 8. There's only room for one hipster haircut in the house, Zach currently holds that positon indefinitely 9. Come football season, if the Seahawks are losing and you happen to be within a ten-foot radius of Randall, evacuate the house immediately for your 10.All guests must go through a mandatory drug test before entering the house. 11. When Randall is cooking in the kitchen, do not touch the knife after he is 12.No parties unless Zach is invited. own safety (Not if they're positive or not, we just need to know if they have some). finished with it; the blade is still hot. 13.Zach sometimes uses outdated expressions without knowing it. You should 14. You may hear "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba echoing through the 15.No dishes in the sink. be cowabunga with it. house. Refer to srsfunny:Some House Rules
Standup: We have a new roommate moving into the house
 today. Welre justtrying to up front with him.
 to up front with
 (Un)Official House Rules
 1.
 Every Tuesday morning at precisely 9:45 am each roommate is required to
 dance in the hallway to Darude's "Sandstorm" for the entire duration.
 2. At times Zach can be seen eating peanut butter from the tub with a spoon
 while listening to Alanis Morissette in tears. You are not to judge him, he
 had a bad day at work.
 3. Jason decorates the kitchen for every holiday. Don't ask (We are interested
 to see what he has planned for Cesar Chavez Day).
 4. If you hear an earth-shattering bellow that sounds like the shrieks of a
 silverback gorilla in heat, don't be alarmed. It's just Randall sneezing in the
 other room.
 5. Zach can be heard cackling like a witch in his room while watching standup.
 He's actually conducting witchcraft and he may use you to test spells and
 potions
 7.
 Certain roommates do not know how to count properly. DO NOT point it
 out.
 8. There's only room for one hipster haircut in the house, Zach currently holds
 that positon indefinitely
 9. Come football season, if the Seahawks are losing and you happen to be
 within a ten-foot radius of Randall, evacuate the house immediately for your
 10.All guests must go through a mandatory drug test before entering the house.
 11. When Randall is cooking in the kitchen, do not touch the knife after he is
 12.No parties unless Zach is invited.
 own safety
 (Not if they're positive or not, we just need to know if they have some).
 finished with it; the blade is still hot.
 13.Zach sometimes uses outdated expressions without knowing it. You should
 14. You may hear "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba echoing through the
 15.No dishes in the sink.
 be cowabunga with it.
 house. Refer to
srsfunny:Some House Rules

srsfunny:Some House Rules

Standup: This homeless man applied for a job at McDonald's and was told he needed to shae his beard. When an officer spotted him struggling to shave without a mirror, he helped him get cleaned up - and get hired! #mrcheckpointc ommunity Absolutely beautiful to see such a act from a Public Servant. It’s hard to side with these guys 🐽 (no offense to my four legged friends y’all are cool AF) because almost everything they do i have a educated opinion on. But a kind act is a kind act and i don’t want to take away from it. I hope one day we realize that these small acts are what will change the world not following immoral rules, or maintaining quotas, But actually showing compassionate human characteristics. Police today are uneducated, highly ignorant, poorly trained in damn near every aspect, militarized, cowards that are scared to standup against all of the injustices within their own departments. They know who the racist, sexual predators, power abusing, lying officers are and they remain silent which just fuels the fire even more. “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.” If there is one thing i don’t like about America it’s the militarization of Police...the Police State. standup911 - Video - @mrcheckpoint_ Events - @_meetingoftheminds Back up account- @_standup911
Standup: This homeless man applied for a job at
 McDonald's and was told he needed to shae
 his beard. When an officer spotted him
 struggling to shave without a mirror, he helped
 him get cleaned up - and get hired!
 #mrcheckpointc ommunity
Absolutely beautiful to see such a act from a Public Servant. It’s hard to side with these guys 🐽 (no offense to my four legged friends y’all are cool AF) because almost everything they do i have a educated opinion on. But a kind act is a kind act and i don’t want to take away from it. I hope one day we realize that these small acts are what will change the world not following immoral rules, or maintaining quotas, But actually showing compassionate human characteristics. Police today are uneducated, highly ignorant, poorly trained in damn near every aspect, militarized, cowards that are scared to standup against all of the injustices within their own departments. They know who the racist, sexual predators, power abusing, lying officers are and they remain silent which just fuels the fire even more. “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.” If there is one thing i don’t like about America it’s the militarization of Police...the Police State. standup911 - Video - @mrcheckpoint_ Events - @_meetingoftheminds Back up account- @_standup911

Absolutely beautiful to see such a act from a Public Servant. It’s hard to side with these guys 🐽 (no offense to my four legged friends y...

Standup: If The Handmaid's Tale was Scottish Awright em... l'm a Haundmaid flexiblefish: The funniest thing I’ve seen this week on Twitter. By Scottish standup comedian  Ashley Storrie. (@ashleystorrie on Twitter)
Standup: If The Handmaid's Tale
 was Scottish
 Awright em... l'm a Haundmaid
flexiblefish:
The funniest thing I’ve seen this week on Twitter. By Scottish standup comedian 

Ashley Storrie. (@ashleystorrie on Twitter)

flexiblefish: The funniest thing I’ve seen this week on Twitter. By Scottish standup comedian  Ashley Storrie. (@ashleystorrie on Twitter)

Standup: When you've Explored all Avenues of being "Internet Funny" and there's nothing left but the STAGE!😎🎤 DoubleTapPic TheFutureOfComedyIsNow standup comedy funny juhahnjones
Standup: When you've Explored all Avenues of being "Internet Funny" and there's nothing left but the STAGE!😎🎤 DoubleTapPic TheFutureOfComedyIsNow standup comedy funny juhahnjones

When you've Explored all Avenues of being "Internet Funny" and there's nothing left but the STAGE!😎🎤 DoubleTapPic TheFutureOfComedyIsNow...