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Batman, Bitch, and Click: gotham city by meg INT. WAREHOUSE NIGHT The discordant SCREECH of a wooden chair's being dragged across a concrete floor echoes through the spacious yet deserted warehouse. The tinted lights are dim, some flickering without any discernible pattern. A heavy pair of boots stomp rhythmically as an man makes his way across the room, the chair firmly in his grip. The man, a nameless HENCHMAN type, is who someone with manners would refer to as "burly" or "built." He stops underneath the brightest light in the room, setting the chair down and revealing its occupant. He is wearing a golden "RR" symbol decorating his chest. Despite the sack covering his features, one can still make out his raven hair poking out of the burlap fabric. a uniform of sorts, with black and red details plus HENCHMAN (gruff) Seems like the Batman... is losing his touch RED ROBIN's head twitches underneath the sack. RED ROBIN (muffled) Do I look like Batman to you? The henchman circles the teen like a tiger stalking its prey, if that tiger had one too many antelope dinners. He forces out a deep and planned LAUGH HENCHMAN No, no, no. Much too small, you are Red Robin shifts in his seat. Inaudible muffling can be heard from underneath the sack. HENCHMAN (CONT'D) Shhh, little bird. You must save your breath! Air will get spare quite soon. Henchman LAUGHS again, but this time his voice horribly cracks. He COUGHS quickly, but the damage was done. Red Robin shifts in his seat once more in the following uncomfortable silence. HENCHMAN (CONT'D) So tell me- 2. Henchman tries to restore the tense atmosphere by slipping an obnoxiously sized syringe full of mysterious liquid out of a package hidden in his coat pocket. HENCHMAN (CONT'D) Where is the bat? My employer just wants to... chat. Red Robin drops his head to the side, effectively communicating a "bitch, please" without the spoken word. Henchman menacingly shakes his head as he stalks toward the teen HENCHMAN (CONT'D) I had a feeling you were the dumb robin A voice suddenly cuts through the heavy air. RED HOOD (from above) Damn right! The man drops the syringe in surprise, eliciting CRASH Red Robin perks up at the dialogue, using the hand that was supposedly tied to the splintering wooden chair to lift the sack from his head. a horrid RED ROBIN (yelling) I resent that! More bickering voices start to emerge from the darkened catwalk above the factory floor. The henchman stands stunned SPOILER Hey, don't say that! sensitive. He's ROBIN Weakest Robin, maybe. Getting himself kidnapped by this oaf? Disgraceful RED ROBIN (yelling) We literally planned this! It was your idea! Red Robin starts untying the ropes around his ankles. 3. ROBIN Maybe there's a reason you're always playing kidnapped! RED ROBIN (yelling) Because you guys are jerks? NIGHTWING Hey, I volunteered to be kidnapped this time! BATGIRL Oh, honey. We all know how that would play out. A communal GROAN emits from the batkids as they reminisce on the last time Dick volunteered to play kidnapped. RED HOOD I take it back, Wing's the dumb Robin NIGHTWING OKAY, first of all, not my fault- the fire was The batkids devolve into unintelligible BICKERING. To an outside observer, it would seem as Red Robin is yelling into darkness filled with disembodied voices. Henchman SPUTTERS, unable to form coherent words. HENCHMAN H-hey! You- You can't- ALL BATKIDS (yelling) Shut up! The henchman shuts his gaping mouth with the CLICK of his teeth HENCHΜΑΝ (talking to himself) I 'm not getting out of this, am 1? A pair of white eyes cut through the darkness behind him ΒΑΤΜAΝ No outoftheframework: outoftheframework: so a little fun tidbit about me is that i write screenplays. i challenged myself to write one in fifteen minutes, unedited, and then post it. this is what happened. enjoy? so so so thankful and in awe to the response to this post. I love screenwriting and it would be my pleasure to provide you guys with more high quality work in the future, y’all make me so happy.thank you :)
Batman, Bitch, and Click: gotham city
 by
 meg

 INT. WAREHOUSE
 NIGHT
 The discordant SCREECH of a wooden chair's being dragged
 across a concrete floor echoes through the spacious yet
 deserted warehouse. The tinted lights are dim, some
 flickering without any discernible pattern. A heavy pair of
 boots stomp rhythmically as an man makes his way across the
 room, the chair firmly in his grip. The man, a nameless
 HENCHMAN type, is who someone with manners would refer to
 as "burly" or "built."
 He stops underneath the brightest light in the room,
 setting the chair down and revealing its occupant. He is
 wearing
 a golden "RR" symbol decorating his chest. Despite the sack
 covering his features, one can still make out his raven
 hair poking out of the burlap fabric.
 a uniform of sorts, with black and red details plus
 HENCHMAN
 (gruff)
 Seems like the Batman... is losing
 his touch
 RED ROBIN's head twitches underneath the sack.
 RED ROBIN
 (muffled)
 Do I look like Batman to you?
 The henchman circles the teen like a
 tiger stalking its
 prey, if that tiger had one too many antelope dinners. He
 forces out a deep and planned LAUGH
 HENCHMAN
 No, no, no. Much too small, you
 are
 Red Robin shifts in his seat. Inaudible muffling can be
 heard from underneath the sack.
 HENCHMAN (CONT'D)
 Shhh, little bird. You must save
 your breath! Air will get spare
 quite soon.
 Henchman LAUGHS again, but this time his voice horribly
 cracks. He COUGHS quickly, but the damage was done. Red
 Robin shifts in his seat once more in the following
 uncomfortable silence.
 HENCHMAN (CONT'D)
 So tell me-

 2.
 Henchman tries to restore the tense atmosphere by slipping
 an obnoxiously sized syringe full of mysterious liquid out
 of a package hidden in his coat pocket.
 HENCHMAN (CONT'D)
 Where is the bat? My employer just
 wants to... chat.
 Red Robin drops his head to the side, effectively
 communicating
 a "bitch, please" without the spoken word.
 Henchman menacingly shakes his head as he stalks toward the
 teen
 HENCHMAN (CONT'D)
 I had a feeling you were the dumb
 robin
 A voice suddenly cuts through the heavy air.
 RED HOOD
 (from above)
 Damn right!
 The man drops the syringe in surprise, eliciting
 CRASH Red Robin perks up at the dialogue, using the hand
 that was supposedly tied to the splintering wooden chair to
 lift the sack from his head.
 a horrid
 RED ROBIN
 (yelling)
 I resent that!
 More bickering voices start to emerge from the darkened
 catwalk above the factory floor. The henchman stands
 stunned
 SPOILER
 Hey, don't say that!
 sensitive.
 He's
 ROBIN
 Weakest Robin, maybe. Getting
 himself kidnapped by this oaf?
 Disgraceful
 RED ROBIN
 (yelling)
 We literally planned this! It was
 your idea!
 Red Robin starts untying the ropes around his ankles.

 3.
 ROBIN
 Maybe there's a reason you're
 always playing kidnapped!
 RED ROBIN
 (yelling)
 Because you guys are
 jerks?
 NIGHTWING
 Hey, I volunteered to be kidnapped
 this time!
 BATGIRL
 Oh, honey. We all know how that
 would play out.
 A communal GROAN emits from the batkids as they reminisce
 on the last time Dick volunteered to play kidnapped.
 RED HOOD
 I take it back, Wing's the dumb
 Robin
 NIGHTWING
 OKAY, first of all,
 not my fault-
 the fire was
 The batkids devolve into unintelligible BICKERING. To an
 outside observer, it would seem as Red Robin is yelling
 into darkness filled with disembodied voices.
 Henchman SPUTTERS, unable to form coherent words.
 HENCHMAN
 H-hey! You- You can't-
 ALL BATKIDS
 (yelling)
 Shut up!
 The henchman shuts his gaping mouth with the CLICK of his
 teeth
 HENCHΜΑΝ
 (talking to himself)
 I 'm not getting out of this, am 1?
 A pair of white eyes cut through the darkness behind him
 ΒΑΤΜAΝ
 No
outoftheframework:

outoftheframework:
so a little fun tidbit about me is that i write screenplays. i challenged myself to write one in fifteen minutes, unedited, and then post it. this is what happened.

enjoy?

so so so thankful and in awe to the response to this post. I love screenwriting and it would be my pleasure to provide you guys with more high quality work in the future, y’all make me so happy.thank you :)

outoftheframework: outoftheframework: so a little fun tidbit about me is that i write screenplays. i challenged myself to write one in fift...

A Dream, Friends, and Money: r/Overwatch News&Discussion I've been a bronze player for 8 seasons and have never left. AMA u/Adsyoung The title says it all. Abuse me with your questions and don't tread lightly. Adz11919 is my tag for proof. Ask away friends 46 Comments Write a comment Best loves2spoogeguys 1h With the tensions rising with the U.S government, how does this play out for the rest of the world? 8 Adsyoung1h As a non-American I can say for certain that it has improved our relations with other Pacific nations. Australians now have less reliance on the US and have turned more to China for increasing trade and development. _jaybe Th How much money could you have made if you had gone to work instead of wasting 8 seasons in bronze games? .0 Adsyoung59m If I could put a monetary value on it. I would say 90 hours over 8 seasons, at $39 an hour, about $3510 jaybe 50m so you could have unlock the full cast of battlefront II .0 Adsyoung49m True. Or like 60,000 overwatch lootboxes TheSteeldrake Chibi Ana 1h Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? 0 Adsyoung56m On the crows nest. Back then it was called the pecker nest. Bus OW Chibi Lúcio 1h What sort of things do you see happen during games that remind you that you are in bronze? .0 Adsyoung58m Guarantee hanzo and widow pick every game. 5 dps players minimum and a rein shield on the payload but always facing the wrong way. gOnk-droid fadda 13m Have you ever had a dream in which you ranked up? .0 Adsyoung13m I dreamt once there was a league worse than bronze called 'wood and I was demoted into it. gOnk-droid fadda 11m The horror.
A Dream, Friends, and Money: r/Overwatch News&Discussion
 I've been a bronze player for 8 seasons and
 have never left. AMA
 u/Adsyoung
 The title says it all. Abuse me with your questions and
 don't tread lightly. Adz11919 is my tag for proof. Ask
 away friends
 46 Comments
 Write a comment
 Best
 loves2spoogeguys 1h
 With the tensions rising with the U.S government, how
 does this play out for the rest of the world?
 8
 Adsyoung1h
 As a non-American I can say for certain that it has
 improved our relations with other Pacific nations.
 Australians now have less reliance on the US and have
 turned more to China for increasing trade and
 development.

 _jaybe Th
 How much money could you have made if you had gone to
 work instead of wasting 8 seasons in bronze games?
 .0
 Adsyoung59m
 If I could put a monetary value on it. I would say 90
 hours over 8 seasons, at $39 an hour, about $3510
 jaybe 50m
 so you could have unlock the full cast of battlefront II
 .0
 Adsyoung49m
 True. Or like 60,000 overwatch lootboxes

 TheSteeldrake Chibi Ana 1h
 Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where
 did he keep them?
 0
 Adsyoung56m
 On the crows nest. Back then it was called the pecker
 nest.

 Bus OW Chibi Lúcio 1h
 What sort of things do you see happen during games that
 remind you that you are in bronze?
 .0
 Adsyoung58m
 Guarantee hanzo and widow pick every game. 5 dps
 players minimum and a rein shield on the payload but
 always facing the wrong way.

 gOnk-droid fadda 13m
 Have you ever had a dream in which you ranked up?
 .0
 Adsyoung13m
 I dreamt once there was a league worse than bronze
 called 'wood and I was demoted into it.
 gOnk-droid fadda 11m
 The horror.
Children, Energy, and Friends: isa @isabelchequer Follow yea okay i was bullied too but he shot me so like whats ur poinft Bradenton Herald@bradentonherald School shooter was volatile, ostracized and 'bullied a lot,' classmates and friends say ift.tt/2sAqpw3 12:33 PM-18 Feb 2018 systlin: wolfnanaki: tami-taylors-hair: These Florida kids are not fucking around.  The kids’ response to the shooting has been something truly incredible. Normally, it’s always been very young children and it’s only their parents that can speak about it. The narrative gets controlled, the conspiracy theorists talk about how it’s all an act, so much bullshit. But these are kids who are active on social media, incredibly close to voting age, and they’re demanding their voices are heard. Every single thing that downplays, dismisses or conspiracies the shooting has been subverted by their efforts, and they’re not letting adults who’ve never lived what they lived through control the narrative. “It was a conspiracy!” “No, we have video evidence of it happening.” “Shouldn’t you be calling 911 instead of making videos?” “We called 911 so many times they told us to stop.” “But he was a troubled child!” “We were ALL troubled, that’s no excuse.” And it just goes on like this. Honestly, I’m so proud of my fellow Floridians. I said to my husband the other day that “This one feels different”, referring to this precisely.  The whole energy around it feels different. These kids are not having this bullshit, and while they should not have to stand their ground and fight this battle, goddamn it they are going to. If the adults won’t, then goddamn it these kids will draw a fucking line and say ‘no, no more, this is bullshit’.  I don’t know what it means, or how it will play out long term. But there’s a sense around this whole tragedy that this one is different, and I hope, maybe, that means some actual change will come. 
Children, Energy, and Friends: isa
 @isabelchequer
 Follow
 yea okay i was bullied too but he shot me so
 like whats ur poinft
 Bradenton Herald@bradentonherald
 School shooter was volatile, ostracized and 'bullied a lot,' classmates and friends say
 ift.tt/2sAqpw3
 12:33 PM-18 Feb 2018
systlin:

wolfnanaki:

tami-taylors-hair:
These Florida kids are not fucking around. 
The kids’ response to the shooting has been something truly incredible.
Normally, it’s always been very young children and it’s only their parents that can speak about it. The narrative gets controlled, the conspiracy theorists talk about how it’s all an act, so much bullshit.
But these are kids who are active on social media, incredibly close to voting age, and they’re demanding their voices are heard. Every single thing that downplays, dismisses or conspiracies the shooting has been subverted by their efforts, and they’re not letting adults who’ve never lived what they lived through control the narrative.
“It was a conspiracy!” “No, we have video evidence of it happening.” “Shouldn’t you be calling 911 instead of making videos?” “We called 911 so many times they told us to stop.” “But he was a troubled child!” “We were ALL troubled, that’s no excuse.” And it just goes on like this.

Honestly, I’m so proud of my fellow Floridians.



I said to my husband the other day that “This one feels different”, referring to this precisely. 
The whole energy around it feels different. These kids are not having this bullshit, and while they should not have to stand their ground and fight this battle, goddamn it they are going to. If the adults won’t, then goddamn it these kids will draw a fucking line and say ‘no, no more, this is bullshit’. 
I don’t know what it means, or how it will play out long term. But there’s a sense around this whole tragedy that this one is different, and I hope, maybe, that means some actual change will come. 

systlin: wolfnanaki: tami-taylors-hair: These Florida kids are not fucking around.  The kids’ response to the shooting has been something ...

Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog idontevenhaveone: etienne-bessette: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang @admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap Ffffff-
Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
idontevenhaveone:

etienne-bessette:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap

Ffffff-

idontevenhaveone: etienne-bessette: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: so...

Anaconda, Anna, and Bad: Shells&Emotions @anna_bayla My favorite bible story is when instead of telling women to dress modestly, Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by plucking their eyes out 5/13/16, 1:44 AM 986 RETWEETS 1,759 LIKES valeria2067: theupbeat-hart: valtharr: aviculor: jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life” or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like, turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal. Context matters. Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that. A Jesus post I’m here for. Canon Jesus is always 100% better than current fanon Jesus
Anaconda, Anna, and Bad: Shells&Emotions
 @anna_bayla
 My favorite bible story is when instead
 of telling women to dress modestly,
 Jesus tells his dudes to avoid lust by
 plucking their eyes out
 5/13/16, 1:44 AM
 986 RETWEETS 1,759 LIKES
valeria2067:
theupbeat-hart:

valtharr:

aviculor:

jumpingjacktrash:

imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices
it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life”
or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty
i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy
i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off
tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people

All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like,

turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal.
Context matters.

Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that.


A Jesus post I’m here for.


Canon Jesus is always 100% better than current fanon Jesus

valeria2067: theupbeat-hart: valtharr: aviculor: jumpingjacktrash: imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame t...

Children, Confused, and Fucking: 9%D ooo Sprint LTE 3:20 PM Q Search So I took the wife out to dinner last night, and we have always talked about doing this. You put 5 singles out on the table at the beginning of dinner for the waiter/ waitress to see. (Don't say anything to them) if they mess up, you take a dollar away, and so on. At the end of dinner, how ever much is left, is their tip. I shit you not, you will receive the best service of your life. The waitress Kept looking at it as if she was confused. But she played her cards right, did a great job and received the whole 5 bucks. I did take away a dollar tho bec she forget the bread, but she bounced back and gave us extra. Haha all in all a great evening with my love and a good dinner experiment we both wanted to see play out. Try it, you will be surprised! AD LSa26665 39172063 Write a comment... Post thebibliosphere: yuleagin-nova: sidewalkwitch: hotbully: swamp: diasporagirl: i’d take the cash and spit in their drinks I fucking hate customers like this Also unless you’re just getting like a few drinks, five is a shitty tip. Honestly if I knew beforehand that the max tip u were gonna give me would be five bucks you’d get the most minimal degree of service I could provide. Don’t do this. This is the most disrespectful thing on earth. “We have always talked about doing this. Boy honey wouldn’t it be fun to taunt the person likely making below minimum wage who is already expending far more emotional labor on winning our approval than we’ll ever show our own children. What if we just left money out on the table, just to watch them sing and dance for our sense of gratification and take a dollar away for every time they don’t sit back and clap like a performing seal. Boy I sure do love being a shitstain on the underpants of humanity.”
Children, Confused, and Fucking: 9%D
 ooo Sprint LTE
 3:20 PM
 Q Search
 So I took the wife out to dinner last night, and we have
 always talked about doing this. You put 5 singles out
 on the table at the beginning of dinner for the waiter/
 waitress to see. (Don't say anything to them) if they
 mess up, you take a dollar away, and so on. At the end
 of dinner, how ever much is left, is their tip. I shit you
 not, you will receive the best service of your life. The
 waitress Kept looking at it as if she was confused. But
 she played her cards right, did a great job and
 received the whole 5 bucks. I did take away a dollar
 tho bec she forget the bread, but she bounced back
 and gave us extra. Haha all in all a great evening with
 my love and a good dinner experiment we both
 wanted to see play out. Try it, you will be surprised!
 AD
 LSa26665
 39172063
 Write a comment...
 Post
thebibliosphere:


yuleagin-nova:

sidewalkwitch:

hotbully:

swamp:


diasporagirl:

i’d take the cash and spit in their drinks

I fucking hate customers like this


Also unless you’re just getting like a few drinks, five is a shitty tip.

Honestly if I knew beforehand that the max tip u were gonna give me would be five bucks you’d get the most minimal degree of service I could provide.

Don’t do this. This is the most disrespectful thing on earth.


“We have always talked about doing this. Boy honey wouldn’t it be fun to taunt the person likely making below minimum wage who is already expending far more emotional labor on winning our approval than we’ll ever show our own children. What if we just left money out on the table, just to watch them sing and dance for our sense of gratification and take a dollar away for every time they don’t sit back and clap like a performing seal. Boy I sure do love being a shitstain on the underpants of humanity.”

thebibliosphere: yuleagin-nova: sidewalkwitch: hotbully: swamp: diasporagirl: i’d take the cash and spit in their drinks I fucking ...