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Jake Likes Onions

Jake Likes Onions

Cries
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Everyday
Everyday

Everyday

ogres are like onions
 ogres are like onions

ogres are like onions

pantsed
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utterly
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am i
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Onion: Don’t forget the seasoning salt or fresh onion and garlic by Kelmo7 MORE MEMES
Onion: Don’t forget the seasoning salt or fresh onion and garlic by Kelmo7
MORE MEMES

Don’t forget the seasoning salt or fresh onion and garlic by Kelmo7 MORE MEMES

Onion: Most software written like an onion.
Onion: Most software written like an onion.

Most software written like an onion.

Onion: rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.
Onion: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

Onion: Onion with a Pearl Earring
Onion: Onion with a Pearl Earring

Onion with a Pearl Earring

Onion: libertybill: jooshcraft: theyoungpatriot1776: friendlyalien: klubbhead: friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt: thestarsareundecided: landysbear: kompanie-mutter: the-mighty-birdy: friendly-neighborhood-patriarch: libertybill: libertybill: libertybill: Uh hey, CNN, why? HEY UH NYT?? WHY?? HEY UH WASHINGTON POST UH??? WHY??? Eeeyup In a world of these chucklefucks, ironically be Buzzfeed holy shit WHAT THE FUCK CNN Isn’t she the Minister of Propaganda or something? propaganda guru, communications aide, administrative gatekeeper yes.  our friends over at nbc also used some creepily similar phrasing to the other major news sources above btw, including comparing her to ivanka trump, although the headline for their piece is more neutral & less glowing. theyre still treating her like some kind of celebrity, & comparing her favorably to various member of the trump administration/family. i cant believe buzzfeed had to be a voice of reason in the press here. buzzfeed. that is horrifying. We’ve jumped timelines AGAIN The terrifying timeline where I have to agree with goddamn Buzzfeed. This feels vaguely like those occasions where an Onion article hits too close to the truth. Vaguely Attractive Communist Woman Lauded by Media Following Gulag PR Campaign. Don’t forget this shit when they try it again. Those who don’t learn history and all that whatnot 🤦🏾‍♀️
Onion: libertybill:
jooshcraft:


theyoungpatriot1776:


friendlyalien:


klubbhead:

friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt:


thestarsareundecided:

landysbear:


kompanie-mutter:


the-mighty-birdy:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

libertybill:


libertybill:

libertybill:
Uh hey, CNN, why?
HEY UH NYT?? WHY??


HEY UH WASHINGTON POST UH??? WHY???


Eeeyup

In a world of these chucklefucks, ironically
be Buzzfeed

holy shit


WHAT THE FUCK CNN


Isn’t she the Minister of Propaganda or something? 



propaganda guru, communications aide, administrative gatekeeper
yes. 
our friends over at nbc also used some creepily similar phrasing to the other major news sources above btw, including comparing her to ivanka trump, although the headline for their piece is more neutral & less glowing. theyre still treating her like some kind of celebrity, & comparing her favorably to various member of the trump administration/family.
i cant believe buzzfeed had to be a voice of reason in the press here.
buzzfeed.
that is horrifying.


We’ve jumped timelines 
AGAIN



The terrifying timeline where I have to agree with goddamn Buzzfeed.



This feels vaguely like those occasions where an Onion article hits too close to the truth.



Vaguely Attractive Communist Woman Lauded by Media Following Gulag PR Campaign. 



Don’t forget this shit when they try it again.



Those who don’t learn history and all that whatnot 🤦🏾‍♀️

libertybill: jooshcraft: theyoungpatriot1776: friendlyalien: klubbhead: friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt: thestarsareundecided: l...

Onion: Onion with a Pearl Earring
Onion: Onion with a Pearl Earring

Onion with a Pearl Earring

Onion: Trump really must be saying, “hey these onion guys have the right idea” by tombee123 MORE MEMES
Onion: Trump really must be saying, “hey these onion guys have the right idea” by tombee123
MORE MEMES

Trump really must be saying, “hey these onion guys have the right idea” by tombee123 MORE MEMES

Onion: everydaylouie:onion magic
Onion: everydaylouie:onion magic

everydaylouie:onion magic

Onion: Based on a true story by Onion-Candy MORE MEMES
Onion: Based on a true story by Onion-Candy
MORE MEMES

Based on a true story by Onion-Candy MORE MEMES

Onion: Headlines: “Coppin’ the whole Onion” by Camoflauge_Soulja MORE MEMES
Onion: Headlines: “Coppin’ the whole Onion” by Camoflauge_Soulja
MORE MEMES

Headlines: “Coppin’ the whole Onion” by Camoflauge_Soulja MORE MEMES

Onion: that-twink-over-there: blackqueerblog: i wish somebody looked at me like the way he looked at that onion The scream always takes me out 🤣
Onion: that-twink-over-there:
blackqueerblog:


i wish somebody looked at me like the way he looked at that onion


The scream always takes me out 🤣

that-twink-over-there: blackqueerblog: i wish somebody looked at me like the way he looked at that onion The scream always takes me o...

Onion: Onion [OC]
Onion: Onion [OC]

Onion [OC]

Onion: Like an onion
Onion: Like an onion

Like an onion

Onion: onion-cat-confirmed:warmin up with some sweet inuyasha women
Onion: onion-cat-confirmed:warmin up with some sweet inuyasha women

onion-cat-confirmed:warmin up with some sweet inuyasha women

Onion: i IHLAYANEWS.COM Hotel cleaner who stole sperm from a used condom won child support battle nunyabizni: nunyabizni: lastsonlost: yeahiwasintheshit: okayysophia: uncleromeo: bruh Shoot this bitch. Shoot this bitch right fucking now. Looking around for more mainstream sources on this, most seem to be news services in Africa, but I did come across this gem that doesn’t seem to grasp the implications of this situation. HILLARIOUS….A Woman Who Impregnated Herself With A Stolen Used Condom Wins US$3Million In Child Support Battle. Because obviously this is funny as hell and not a tragic exploitation of the US justice system. Dude’s got money, I hope he sues her into oblivion and takes his kid back if this is a legit story, I’m still mildly iffy since some of the details change from article to article. Oh thank God skepticism wins this round @lastsonlosthttps://www.truthorfiction.com/hotel-cleaner-who-stole-sperm-from-a-millionaires-used-condom-won-child-support-battle-millions/In its apparent first iteration, the claim was shared by the site ihlayanews.com on November 9 2019. That site claimed::A 40-year-old Las Vegas hotel cleaner won a child support battle against a 28-year-old millionaire who she never slept with.ect.Ihlaya News’ header has faint text reading “nuusparodie waarvan jy hou,” which was translated by Africa Check:“Ihlaya News” roughly translates, from isiZulu, as “crazy person news”. The site’s tagline is “nuusparodie waarvan jy hou” – Afrikaans for “news parody that you like”.When Ihlaya News (“crazy person news”) published “Hotel cleaner who stole sperm from a used condom won child support battle” on November 9 2019, faint “satire” signifiers appeared on that first iteration. When numerous outlets in Africa shared it, those details were stripped away, as was the case with screenshots of the “news” on Facebook. However, the claim originated with an openly satirical site.TL:DR; story came from a satire site and a bunch of African news sources “ate the onion” as it were. That’s a relief
Onion: i
 IHLAYANEWS.COM
 Hotel cleaner who stole sperm from a used condom
 won child support battle
nunyabizni:

nunyabizni:
lastsonlost:

yeahiwasintheshit:


okayysophia:

uncleromeo:


bruh





Shoot this bitch. Shoot this bitch right fucking now.

Looking around for more mainstream sources on this, most seem to be news services in Africa, but I did come across this gem that doesn’t seem to grasp the implications of this situation.

HILLARIOUS….A Woman Who Impregnated Herself With A Stolen Used Condom Wins US$3Million In Child Support Battle. 

Because obviously this is funny as hell and not a tragic exploitation of the US justice system.
Dude’s got money, I hope he sues her into oblivion and takes his kid back if this is a legit story, I’m still mildly iffy since some of the details change from article to article.

Oh thank God skepticism wins this round @lastsonlosthttps://www.truthorfiction.com/hotel-cleaner-who-stole-sperm-from-a-millionaires-used-condom-won-child-support-battle-millions/In its apparent first iteration, the claim was shared by the site ihlayanews.com on November 9 2019. That site claimed::A 40-year-old Las Vegas hotel cleaner won a child support battle against a 28-year-old millionaire who she never slept with.ect.Ihlaya News’ header has faint text reading “nuusparodie waarvan jy hou,” which was translated by Africa Check:“Ihlaya
 News” roughly translates, from isiZulu, as “crazy person news”. The 
site’s tagline is “nuusparodie waarvan jy hou” – Afrikaans for “news 
parody that you like”.When Ihlaya News (“crazy 
person news”) published “Hotel cleaner who stole sperm from a used 
condom won child support battle” on November 9 2019, faint “satire” 
signifiers appeared on that first iteration. When numerous outlets in 
Africa shared it, those details were stripped away, as was the case with
 screenshots of the “news” on Facebook. However, the claim originated 
with an openly satirical site.TL:DR; story came from a satire site and a bunch of African news sources “ate the onion” as it were.

That’s a relief

nunyabizni: nunyabizni: lastsonlost: yeahiwasintheshit: okayysophia: uncleromeo: bruh Shoot this bitch. Shoot this bitch righ...