Old


                    
                    
                
Bibble Singing
Bibble Singing

Bibble Singing

Funny
Funny

Funny

breakup songs
breakup songs

breakup songs

listen
listen

listen

Bareilles Glamorous
Bareilles Glamorous

Bareilles Glamorous

Apologize Onerepublic
Apologize Onerepublic

Apologize Onerepublic

sara bareilles
sara bareilles

sara bareilles

guy
guy

guy

Onerepublic Beautiful
Onerepublic Beautiful

Onerepublic Beautiful

old english
old english

old english

🔥 | Latest

Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Advice, Af, and Beautiful: About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I'm looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, "Excuse me, miss. Please don't be offended by this." And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af Anyway, she follows it up with, "My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She's a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I'm afraid because I don't know what to do with her hair It's a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total loss. l've tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he's still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don't have the time, it's okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful." Y'all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to fol- low natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad. And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he's braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who l know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful. This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!
Advice, Af, and Beautiful: About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking
 for my conditioner because today is wash day
 for my hair. As I'm looking for my product, this
 older white lady approaches me and she says,
 "Excuse me, miss. Please don't be offended by
 this." And usually when white people tell me not
 to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they
 are about to say is going to be offensive af
 Anyway, she follows it up with, "My husband
 and I just recently won our custody battle with
 our foster daughter and she means the world
 to us. She's a beautiful African American girl
 and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I'm afraid
 because I don't know what to do with her hair
 It's a lot different from mines and our other
 children and we are at a total loss. l've tried
 looking up the YouTube videos and my husband
 went to the braiding shops so they can teach
 him how to properly braid her hair, but he's still
 pretty new and it will be a while before he gets
 used to it. Do you have any tips you can give
 me? If you don't have the time, it's okay, really! I
 just needed a little advice because I want her to
 look beautiful."
 Y'all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So
 for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking
 to her and what products to use and how to
 properly detangle and comb her hair with the
 proper tools and what not to do with natural
 hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to fol-
 low natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved
 them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube
 account for her so she could save it for later.)
 but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that
 she listened to every single thing I had to say
 and she took little notes on her little notepad.
 And what really filled my heart was the fact
 that her husband actually taking classes from
 African braiding shops. And she showed me a
 picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and
 loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful
 black women showing him how to braid black
 hair and even the lady he's braiding on is
 guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old
 white people and their black daughter who l
 know have new loving parents because they are
 willing to step out of their comfort zone just to
 make her feel and look beautiful.
This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

Cum, Finals, and Love: f thot fitzgerald has finals pls send p... @dracomallfoys 1000 year old demons i wish i had a body to possess :// me, a tired mf who would love nothing more than to be run on auto pilot: herr–katze: saladsaladnovski: randomsplashes: me @ demons: it’s free real estate  NO BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND Duo postulant percipitur honestatis et, eu discere deseruisse theophrastus ius. Graece doctus in vim, id nam utamur explicari. Eam id oporteat volutpat suavitate, has ei error senserit. Solet aliquid te ius, est quem ipsum ea. Ei his quod posse iriure, torquatos persecuti at qui, ei legere iuvaret reprehendunt sea. Nam scripta fabulas eu, mea ut labores persequeris. Vis ex solum contentiones, usu ex quodsi denique sententiae, at vix enim ullum error.Vel ubique explicari ne, quem ponderum ad eos. Et eius tibique eos, ea pro dicant partem abhorreant. Dolorum imperdiet ea vim, euismod laboramus cum in. Ius vero salutatus cu.Mel ad sonet accusam. Mei wisi integre persequeris te, nobis discere duo ut. Has aliquid necessitatibus ea, sit te putent commune scripserit, his ferri movet perfecto ad. Vidisse incorrupte ad pro, ad cum nostro mnesarchum voluptatum. Mei dicam feugait maluisset ex. Sit mollis eligendi ad.Id vim tota antiopam platonem, te sit audire viderer vocibus. Dicunt forensibus cotidieque te nam. Ad mel veniam corpora, ius et decore eligendi, quo falli numquam ex. Qualisque vulputate scriptorem et est, ea illum suscipit eam. Usu alienum praesent electram ea, quo utamur dolores id, dicant adipisci neglegentur eu nam. No mutat libris mea, movet persius detraxit vim cu, mel cu ceteros fabellas necessitatibus.Has ei habeo nobis decore. Nam labitur consulatu te, no malorum indoctum honestatis ius. Eu vix paulo tantas, mea ut minim atomorum consequuntur, docendi singulis cu sea. Pro ad nonumy aliquando, at possit possim vel. You’re right I don’t
Cum, Finals, and Love: f thot fitzgerald has finals pls send p...
 @dracomallfoys
 1000 year old demons i wish i had a body
 to possess ://
 me, a tired mf who would love nothing
 more than to be run on auto pilot:
herr–katze:

saladsaladnovski:


randomsplashes:
me @ demons: it’s free real estate 
NO BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
Duo postulant percipitur honestatis et, eu discere deseruisse theophrastus ius. Graece doctus in vim, id nam utamur explicari. Eam id oporteat volutpat suavitate, has ei error senserit. Solet aliquid te ius, est quem ipsum ea. Ei his quod posse iriure, torquatos persecuti at qui, ei legere iuvaret reprehendunt sea. Nam scripta fabulas eu, mea ut labores persequeris. Vis ex solum contentiones, usu ex quodsi denique sententiae, at vix enim ullum error.Vel ubique explicari ne, quem ponderum ad eos. Et eius tibique eos, ea pro dicant partem abhorreant. Dolorum imperdiet ea vim, euismod laboramus cum in. Ius vero salutatus cu.Mel ad sonet accusam. Mei wisi integre persequeris te, nobis discere duo ut. Has aliquid necessitatibus ea, sit te putent commune scripserit, his ferri movet perfecto ad. Vidisse incorrupte ad pro, ad cum nostro mnesarchum voluptatum. Mei dicam feugait maluisset ex. Sit mollis eligendi ad.Id vim tota antiopam platonem, te sit audire viderer vocibus. Dicunt forensibus cotidieque te nam. Ad mel veniam corpora, ius et decore eligendi, quo falli numquam ex. Qualisque vulputate scriptorem et est, ea illum suscipit eam. Usu alienum praesent electram ea, quo utamur dolores id, dicant adipisci neglegentur eu nam. No mutat libris mea, movet persius detraxit vim cu, mel cu ceteros fabellas necessitatibus.Has ei habeo nobis decore. Nam labitur consulatu te, no malorum indoctum honestatis ius. Eu vix paulo tantas, mea ut minim atomorum consequuntur, docendi singulis cu sea. Pro ad nonumy aliquando, at possit possim vel.


You’re right I don’t

herr–katze: saladsaladnovski: randomsplashes: me @ demons: it’s free real estate  NO BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND Duo postulant percipitur ho...