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Bones, Cats, and Dogs: Cat's Diary Dog's Diary Day 983 of My Captivity Dog food! My favorite thing! A car ride! My favorite 8:00 am My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre littie dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheiess must eat something in order to keep up my strength. 9:30 am thing! A walk in the park! My 9:40 am favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail My favorite thing! The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today i decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since this clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good litle hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now. Dinner! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm 7:00 pm - Got to play balll My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! mini phone dump
Bones, Cats, and Dogs: Cat's Diary
 Dog's Diary
 Day 983 of My Captivity
 Dog food! My favorite thing!
 A car ride! My favorite
 8:00 am
 My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre littie dangling
 objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
 inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
 Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
 I nevertheiess must eat something in order to keep up my
 strength.
 9:30 am
 thing!
 A walk in the park! My
 9:40 am
 favorite thing!
 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My
 favorite thing!
 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite
 thing!
 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My
 favorite thing!
 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail My favorite
 thing!
 The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In
 an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
 Today i decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
 their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
 since this clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they
 merely made condescending comments about what a "good litle
 hunter" I am. Bastards!
 There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
 I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the
 event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
 overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
 "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to
 my advantage.
 Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
 of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
 I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
 I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
 snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
 released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
 obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe
 him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that
 he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective
 custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now.
 Dinner! My favorite thing!
 5:00 pm
 7:00 pm - Got to play balll My favorite
 thing!
 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the
 people! My favorite thing!
 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My
 favorite thing!
mini phone dump

mini phone dump

Ass, Catfished, and Definitely: Tos pm Telstra 0 Can your job pay trom my crack addiction. Il be your friend or A more if you want to? Only if my repayment is you fuel my crack addiction My address is 122 Thomas St. Dandenong Vic 3175 So how did you want me to sneak in?l assume they've got guards around the place Dress up as a ninja turtle and tell them your here to entertain me And than give me my crack so we can smoke together. I know a place Send Typea esage 705 pm Telstra 0 Okay but which one?1 think if came as the wrong one it' blow our cover Attention to detail is how we pull this off Raphaet Iike em tough Rough Only if I can tie you up using my red face mask smoke your pipe if you do go through with tying me up. And maybe even do more if you play your moves correctly In that case when do you want me there by Tre eage Send Tatatre 40 708 pm 3am wear your best jocks Kidding me?i won't be weanng any Much better expect you to be already undressed when t get there as we may heed to move quickly I only fuck with socks on. Miss me with that gay shit m I can work with that Remember though for payment t need my fair share of your crack I thought your bringing the crack Type mesage Send Teletra 0 106 pm bring the crack But i want your ass as my payment Oh you'll have that in spades Perfect. Sounds lika a fine date to me see you there So who are you really Lmao Some bloke on her tryn to catfish some mother fuckers I'm a Nigerian prince just here to have some fun Typeeage Send Telstre 40 706 pm 12% Must be pretty rich then d Are you actually addicted to crack? Fuck no. Woukdr't even have the taintest of idea of where to get it Are you? I got peer pressured to smoke sum in year 7 haven't been the same since Should definitely see someone bout it Shit fucks your ife up which I'm sure you've found out Ive been clean for about 3 years now but considered doing it A again after my recent break up Tye a meage Send Tatutre 40 708 pm now Dur consIoerea aong it again after my recent break up Nah nah don't do it. 3 years is an accomplishment a lot of peosle dream of achieving Honestly, if that's actualy you in that photo (which r'm highly doubiting nether less), they're missing out big time. Thank you for our conversation. You're a genuine guy and I hope you do find someone who likes you for you. Don't give up on love! Thank you very much, appreciate that Good luck with everything for you ype age Send Don’t do crack kids
Ass, Catfished, and Definitely: Tos pm
 Telstra 0
 Can your job pay trom my crack
 addiction. Il be your friend or
 A more if you want to?
 Only if my repayment is you fuel
 my crack addiction
 My address is 122 Thomas St.
 Dandenong Vic 3175
 So how did you want me to sneak
 in?l assume they've got guards
 around the place
 Dress up as a ninja turtle and tell
 them your here to entertain me
 And than give me my crack so
 we can smoke together. I know a
 place
 Send
 Typea esage
 705 pm
 Telstra 0
 Okay but which one?1 think if
 came as the wrong one it' blow
 our cover
 Attention to detail is how we pull
 this off
 Raphaet Iike em tough
 Rough
 Only if I can tie you up using my
 red face mask
 smoke your pipe if you do go
 through with tying me up. And
 maybe even do more if you play
 your moves correctly
 In that case when do you want
 me there by
 Tre eage
 Send
 Tatatre 40
 708 pm
 3am wear your best jocks
 Kidding me?i won't be weanng
 any
 Much better
 expect you to be already
 undressed when t get there as
 we may heed to move quickly
 I only fuck with socks on. Miss
 me with that gay shit
 m
 I can work with that
 Remember though for payment t
 need my fair share of your crack
 I thought your bringing the crack
 Type mesage
 Send
 Teletra 0
 106 pm
 bring the crack
 But i want your ass as my
 payment
 Oh you'll have that in spades
 Perfect. Sounds lika a fine date
 to me
 see you there
 So who are you really Lmao
 Some bloke on her tryn to
 catfish some mother fuckers
 I'm a Nigerian prince just here to
 have some fun
 Typeeage
 Send
 Telstre 40
 706 pm
 12%
 Must be pretty rich then d
 Are you actually addicted to
 crack?
 Fuck no. Woukdr't even have the
 taintest of idea of where to get it
 Are you?
 I got peer pressured to smoke
 sum in year 7 haven't been the
 same since
 Should definitely see someone
 bout it Shit fucks your ife up
 which I'm sure you've found out
 Ive been clean for about 3 years
 now but considered doing it
 A again after my recent break up
 Tye a meage
 Send
 Tatutre 40
 708 pm
 now Dur consIoerea aong it
 again after my recent break up
 Nah nah don't do it. 3 years is an
 accomplishment a lot of peosle
 dream of achieving
 Honestly, if that's actualy you in
 that photo (which r'm highly
 doubiting nether less), they're
 missing out big time.
 Thank you for our conversation.
 You're a genuine guy and I hope
 you do find someone who likes
 you for you. Don't give up on
 love!
 Thank you very much,
 appreciate that
 Good luck with everything for
 you
 ype age
 Send
Don’t do crack kids

Don’t do crack kids

Ass, Children, and Dumb: 21 hrs Dear People Older Than Me: Shut up about the fucking participation trophies. We didn't ask for them. We didn't want them. We didn't cherish them and polish them while thinking about what special, gifted children we are. They were annoying clutter on our shelves that we had to throw out in secret so we wouldn't hurt YOUR feelings. And if we knew back then that you were gonna bring it up every time you disagreed with someone under 40 for the rest of fucking time, we would have told you where to shove that cheap plastic statue. Sincerely, People Younger Than Me Like -Comment →Share nt ◆ Share 214 133 shares 23 Comments straightouttanarnia: aproposthessaly: pearlsthatwereeyes: mihrsuri: star-anise: goshawke: hannibal-and-dory: pinkrocksugar: adramofpoison: children aren’t dumb. we knew that trophies meant nothing when everyone in the fucking class got one Also who was giving out those fucking trophies? SPOILER ALERT IT WASN’T US. IT WAS YOU. Who the fuck got trophies?? I got a piece of paper saying Participation on it with a cheap-ass shiny sticker in the corner! Sometimes they were ribbons. Sometimes they were just the gnawing awareness that you could never trust any praise an adult gave you. ^^^^ When I was in 7th grade, the administration at my middle school decided to make a bunch of changes to pep rallies, including changing the spirit award to the grade that showed the most school spirit to three spirit awards SO THAT EACH GRADE COULD HAVE ONE. We decided in about 2.5 seconds that this was fucking stupid and that it was pointless to have a school-wide spirit contest IF NO ONE WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO WIN. Our entire grade organized ourselves and boycotted the pep rally in protest. We still went to the pep rally, but the entire 7th grade sat quietly in the bleachers and refused to cheer or otherwise participate. AND IT INFURIATED THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION. INFURIATED THEM. They ended up giving one spirit award to the 8th grade and two spirit awards to the 6th grade. At which point, our entire grade stood up and cheered, and the principal screamed into her microphone that we needed to sit down and stop cheering. Because we hadn’t broken any school rules, the administration realized they couldn’t punish us, and they changed back to one spirit award and got rid of the other unpopular pep rally changes. But they never forgave us. The principal saved up all of her anger for a year and a half and then called a special “promotion ceremony rehearsal” for our grade right before we graduated from middle school specifically so that she could spend an hour yelling at us about how THIS WAS NOT FOR US, THIS WAS FOR OUR PARENTS AND OUR TEACHERS AND THE ADMINISTRATION AND THE SCHOOL, AND IF WE FUCKED THE CEREMONY UP IN ANY WAY, SO HELP HER, SHE WOULD MAKE OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL.  So, yeah, tell me again about how my generation expects trophies for participating. I dare you. Someone somewhere has a great post about how all Millennials learned from this “everybody gets a trophy” culture foisted on us was to distrust conventional feedback methods (if everybody gets one, the system must be wrong and someone who tells me I’m good at something is probably lying). So the fact that we’re a generation filled with insecure overachievers with a well-documented lack of interest in conventional life markers is partly due to all those stupid participation trophies. Ruined a perfectly good kid that’s what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety
Ass, Children, and Dumb: 21 hrs
 Dear People Older Than Me:
 Shut up about the fucking participation trophies. We didn't ask for them. We
 didn't want them. We didn't cherish them and polish them while thinking
 about what special, gifted children we are. They were annoying clutter on our
 shelves that we had to throw out in secret so we wouldn't hurt YOUR
 feelings. And if we knew back then that you were gonna bring it up every
 time you disagreed with someone under 40 for the rest of fucking time, we
 would have told you where to shove that cheap plastic statue.
 Sincerely,
 People Younger Than Me
 Like -Comment →Share
 nt
 ◆ Share
 214
 133 shares
 23 Comments
straightouttanarnia:

aproposthessaly:

pearlsthatwereeyes:

mihrsuri:

star-anise:


goshawke:

hannibal-and-dory:

pinkrocksugar:


adramofpoison:
children aren’t dumb. we knew that trophies meant nothing when everyone in the fucking class got one

Also who was giving out those fucking trophies? SPOILER ALERT IT WASN’T US. IT WAS YOU.


Who the fuck got trophies?? I got a piece of paper saying Participation on it with a cheap-ass shiny sticker in the corner!

Sometimes they were ribbons.

Sometimes they were just the gnawing awareness that you could never trust any praise an adult gave you.


^^^^

When I was in 7th grade, the administration at my middle school decided to make a bunch of changes to pep rallies, including changing the spirit award to the grade that showed the most school spirit to three spirit awards SO THAT EACH GRADE COULD HAVE ONE.
We decided in about 2.5 seconds that this was fucking stupid and that it was pointless to have a school-wide spirit contest IF NO ONE WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO WIN. Our entire grade organized ourselves and boycotted the pep rally in protest. We still went to the pep rally, but the entire 7th grade sat quietly in the bleachers and refused to cheer or otherwise participate.
AND IT INFURIATED THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION. INFURIATED THEM.
They ended up giving one spirit award to the 8th grade and two spirit awards to the 6th grade. At which point, our entire grade stood up and cheered, and the principal screamed into her microphone that we needed to sit down and stop cheering.
Because we hadn’t broken any school rules, the administration realized they couldn’t punish us, and they changed back to one spirit award and got rid of the other unpopular pep rally changes. But they never forgave us. The principal saved up all of her anger for a year and a half and then called a special “promotion ceremony rehearsal” for our grade right before we graduated from middle school specifically so that she could spend an hour yelling at us about how THIS WAS NOT FOR US, THIS WAS FOR OUR PARENTS AND OUR TEACHERS AND THE ADMINISTRATION AND THE SCHOOL, AND IF WE FUCKED THE CEREMONY UP IN ANY WAY, SO HELP HER, SHE WOULD MAKE OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL. 
So, yeah, tell me again about how my generation expects trophies for participating. I dare you.

Someone somewhere has a great post about how all Millennials learned from this “everybody gets a trophy” culture foisted on us was to distrust conventional feedback methods (if everybody gets one, the system must be wrong and someone who tells me I’m good at something is probably lying). So the fact that we’re a generation filled with insecure overachievers with a well-documented lack of interest in conventional life markers is partly due to all those stupid participation trophies. 

Ruined a perfectly good kid that’s what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety

straightouttanarnia: aproposthessaly: pearlsthatwereeyes: mihrsuri: star-anise: goshawke: hannibal-and-dory: pinkrocksugar: adramo...