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Head, Mood, and Pressure: nothingbutamother: dynastylnoire: ladycedar: There are a number of students in my GCSE class that have behavioural issues and if they feel uncomfortable they can do anything from storm out of the classroom to throwing chairs and punching their tables. They’re great kids, they just dont always see the light at the end of the tunnel and when they are in stressful situations they dont know what to do other than lash out sometimes. They are 10 months away from their final exams and the pressure is being mounted on them in every aspect of their school lives. Last week one of the students saw me making little origami stars. Its something I do when I’m feeling anxious to help me focus on something else. He asked if I could show him how to make them. He had been clenching his fists all lesson, which I’ve noticed is a tell that he is struggling to retain composure. I gave him a strip of paper and talked it through with him. Soon half of the class were asking me to show them. They all picked it up really quickly. After about five minutes and about 8 stars later, the student sat back down and was in a much calmer and motivated mood for the rest of the lesson. Our next lesson I placed a box of paper strips on my desk and when I saw anyone getting worked up about their work I silently placed a strip in front of them and let them get on with it. The lesson after I was amazed to see that students would go up to the box of their own accord, pick up a few strips and head back to their desks to continue working after calming down. Yesterday I brought a large jar into the classroom and placed my anxiety stars in there. The boys put their strsss stars in there too. When they fill the jar I’m going to bring sweets into the lesson to celebrate them working hard and working through their problems in a positive manner. I know I’m not the teacher they deserve just yet but I feel like I’ve made a big breakthrough with them. art therapy is important. You are exactly the teacher they need. It’s a brilliant idea and im so glad it works for them.
Head, Mood, and Pressure: nothingbutamother:
dynastylnoire:

ladycedar:

There are a number of students in my GCSE class that have behavioural issues and if they feel uncomfortable they can do anything from storm out of the classroom to throwing chairs and punching their tables. They’re great kids, they just dont always see the light at the end of the tunnel and when they are in stressful situations they dont know what to do other than lash out sometimes. They are 10 months away from their final exams and the pressure is being mounted on them in every aspect of their school lives.
Last week one of the students saw me making little origami stars. Its something I do when I’m feeling anxious to help me focus on something else. He asked if I could show him how to make them. He had been clenching his fists all lesson, which I’ve noticed is a tell that he is struggling to retain composure. I gave him a strip of paper and talked it through with him. Soon half of the class were asking me to show them. They all picked it up really quickly.
After about five minutes and about 8 stars later, the student sat back down and was in a much calmer and motivated mood for the rest of the lesson. Our next lesson I placed a box of paper strips on my desk and when I saw anyone getting worked up about their work I silently placed a strip in front of them and let them get on with it. The lesson after I was amazed to see that students would go up to the box of their own accord, pick up a few strips and head back to their desks to continue working after calming down.
Yesterday I brought a large jar into the classroom and placed my anxiety stars in there. The boys put their strsss stars in there too. When they fill the jar I’m going to bring sweets into the lesson to celebrate them working hard and working through their problems in a positive manner. I know I’m not the teacher they deserve just yet but I feel like I’ve made a big breakthrough with them.

art therapy is important.

You are exactly the teacher they need. It’s a brilliant idea and im so glad it works for them.

nothingbutamother: dynastylnoire: ladycedar: There are a number of students in my GCSE class that have behavioural issues and if they feel...

Children, Head, and Mood: nothingbutamother: dynastylnoire: ladycedar: There are a number of students in my GCSE class that have behavioural issues and if they feel uncomfortable they can do anything from storm out of the classroom to throwing chairs and punching their tables. They’re great kids, they just dont always see the light at the end of the tunnel and when they are in stressful situations they dont know what to do other than lash out sometimes. They are 10 months away from their final exams and the pressure is being mounted on them in every aspect of their school lives. Last week one of the students saw me making little origami stars. Its something I do when I’m feeling anxious to help me focus on something else. He asked if I could show him how to make them. He had been clenching his fists all lesson, which I’ve noticed is a tell that he is struggling to retain composure. I gave him a strip of paper and talked it through with him. Soon half of the class were asking me to show them. They all picked it up really quickly. After about five minutes and about 8 stars later, the student sat back down and was in a much calmer and motivated mood for the rest of the lesson. Our next lesson I placed a box of paper strips on my desk and when I saw anyone getting worked up about their work I silently placed a strip in front of them and let them get on with it. The lesson after I was amazed to see that students would go up to the box of their own accord, pick up a few strips and head back to their desks to continue working after calming down. Yesterday I brought a large jar into the classroom and placed my anxiety stars in there. The boys put their strsss stars in there too. When they fill the jar I’m going to bring sweets into the lesson to celebrate them working hard and working through their problems in a positive manner. I know I’m not the teacher they deserve just yet but I feel like I’ve made a big breakthrough with them. art therapy is important. You are exactly the teacher they need. It’s a brilliant idea and im so glad it works for them. This is seriously so wonderful. It’s easy to write certain kids off as “bad kids” but it’s important to remember that they’re kids. That kid who yells and cusses and throws chairs has absolute turmoil inside their little mind and has no idea how to deal with it. Instead of contributing to the madness, find a way to redirect the frustration. Teach them how to deal with stress in a healthy way. Children. Have. To. Be. Taught.
Children, Head, and Mood: nothingbutamother:
dynastylnoire:

ladycedar:

There are a number of students in my GCSE class that have behavioural issues and if they feel uncomfortable they can do anything from storm out of the classroom to throwing chairs and punching their tables. They’re great kids, they just dont always see the light at the end of the tunnel and when they are in stressful situations they dont know what to do other than lash out sometimes. They are 10 months away from their final exams and the pressure is being mounted on them in every aspect of their school lives.
Last week one of the students saw me making little origami stars. Its something I do when I’m feeling anxious to help me focus on something else. He asked if I could show him how to make them. He had been clenching his fists all lesson, which I’ve noticed is a tell that he is struggling to retain composure. I gave him a strip of paper and talked it through with him. Soon half of the class were asking me to show them. They all picked it up really quickly.
After about five minutes and about 8 stars later, the student sat back down and was in a much calmer and motivated mood for the rest of the lesson. Our next lesson I placed a box of paper strips on my desk and when I saw anyone getting worked up about their work I silently placed a strip in front of them and let them get on with it. The lesson after I was amazed to see that students would go up to the box of their own accord, pick up a few strips and head back to their desks to continue working after calming down.
Yesterday I brought a large jar into the classroom and placed my anxiety stars in there. The boys put their strsss stars in there too. When they fill the jar I’m going to bring sweets into the lesson to celebrate them working hard and working through their problems in a positive manner. I know I’m not the teacher they deserve just yet but I feel like I’ve made a big breakthrough with them.

art therapy is important.

You are exactly the teacher they need. It’s a brilliant idea and im so glad it works for them.


This is seriously so wonderful. It’s easy to write certain kids off as “bad kids” but it’s important to remember that they’re kids. That kid who yells and cusses and throws chairs has absolute turmoil inside their little mind and has no idea how to deal with it. Instead of contributing to the madness, find a way to redirect the frustration. Teach them how to deal with stress in a healthy way. Children. Have. To. Be. Taught.

nothingbutamother: dynastylnoire: ladycedar: There are a number of students in my GCSE class that have behavioural issues and if they feel...

Animals, Bad, and Energy: zpo 96u noorsuekdeeysiddeymmm ut IOT-NHD KTV 8 No sheep were sheared to make this yarn, so rest all warm and snuggly in their own wooly jumpers tonight. spectralarchers: thegreenwolf: lipsredasroses: beachgirlnikita: glyndarling: witchella: laylibear: bettagal: sabelmouse: This fake yarn is supposedly better for sheep. Aimed at people who don’t know where wool comes from, it’s 100% plastic. Yes, plastic. So any garment you wash will release microfibres into the sea. It’ll never decompose. You’re supposed to believe that sheep shearing is violent and cruel. There are imbeciles out there that work in an unprofessional manner while shearing, but that’s not the case overall. Sheep don’t suffer from having their fleece removed. Left on, the fleece can become a home for fly eggs and the subsequent maggots which can eat the sheep. Chemical treatments are available to prevent that happening. It’s much better for the sheep, the land and the farmer to avoid chemical use. Don’t be fooled. Wool is a sustainable material, one we should make more and better use of. Miscrofibers hurt our fish friends. 😓 Hey kiddos as someone who grew up in the sheep capitol of the world, shearing sheep isn’t a bad thing and can be helpful for our fluffy friends!! Please be concious of your decisions!!! Also plastic yarn is cheap and difficult to work with. Please remember to peel your sheeps. Some sheep can be peeled! The process is called rooing. Domestic sheep do not shed their wool. They need to be sheered. If left unsheered, the wool they produce can become to heavy and kill them. Trust me, no sheep wasn’t to have so much wool it crushes them to death. Peel a sheep. Save a life. (Or lots of lives, if you consider the sea life choking on microplastics.) Any version of a “vegan” animal-material (silk, wool, leather, fur, etc.) is made from 100% plastic. They may call it all sorts of fancy things but it is plastic - plastic is made from petrol, which also fuels the whole oil- and petrol industry. You want to be dependent on green energy only? Then almost everything you buy in your local HM, New Yorker or other cheaper retail store isn’t helping. It’s all plastic. Which, as stated above, releases microfibres into the water EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. They’re washed. These microfibres degrade at an extremely long rate, whereas natural products decompose at a much faster rate. Polyester is made from the same thing they put in antifreeze for your car (Ethylene glycol). Sheering sheep doesn’t hurt them. Cow leather comes from cattle that is used in the meat industry. I understand if you do not want to use silk or fur because of the way it is produced (even though some furs are actually also byproducts of hunting, like Greenlandic sealskin, which is sold as a byproduct of Kalaalit hunting traditions and as a byproduct), but using polyester, acrylic or even viscose (the energy and CO2 print of creating viscose is GINORMOUS) instead is as harmful, if not, to the general ‘health’ of the planet. You made have saved a sheep, but you’ve just poisoned a whole bunch of fish and other water dwelling animals and microorganisms instead. If wooly products still bother you, buy 100% cotton, flax, hemp, bamboo, coconut fibre, wool (sheep, merino, alpaca, bison, angora, camel, any kind of animal you can brush/sheer, yes, even your golden retriever hairs should be able to be made into yarn if you find a spinning wheel and a spinster willing to try), sisal, etc. products instead. They’re nice and breathable too!
Animals, Bad, and Energy: zpo 96u
 noorsuekdeeysiddeymmm
 ut
 IOT-NHD KTV
 8
 No sheep were
 sheared to make
 this yarn, so rest
 all warm and
 snuggly in their
 own wooly
 jumpers tonight.
spectralarchers:

thegreenwolf:

lipsredasroses:

beachgirlnikita:


glyndarling:

witchella:

laylibear:


bettagal:

sabelmouse:

This fake yarn is supposedly better for sheep.
Aimed at people who don’t know where wool comes from, it’s 100% plastic. Yes, plastic.
So any garment you wash will release microfibres into the sea. It’ll never decompose.
You’re supposed to believe that sheep shearing is violent and cruel. There are imbeciles out there that work in an unprofessional manner while shearing, but that’s not the case overall.
Sheep don’t suffer from having their fleece removed.
Left on, the fleece can become a home for fly eggs and the subsequent maggots which can eat the sheep. Chemical treatments are available to prevent that happening. It’s much better for the sheep, the land and the farmer to avoid chemical use.
Don’t be fooled. Wool is a sustainable material, one we should make more and better use of.


 Miscrofibers hurt our fish friends. 😓


Hey kiddos as someone who grew up in the sheep capitol of the world, shearing sheep isn’t a bad thing and can be helpful for our fluffy friends!! Please be concious of your decisions!!!


Also plastic yarn is cheap and difficult to work with.

Please remember to peel your sheeps.

Some sheep can be peeled! The process is called rooing.


Domestic sheep do not shed their wool. They need to be sheered. If left unsheered, the wool they produce can become to heavy and kill them. Trust me, no sheep wasn’t to have so much wool it crushes them to death. 

Peel a sheep. Save a life. (Or lots of lives, if you consider the sea life choking on microplastics.)

Any version of a “vegan” animal-material (silk, wool, leather, fur, etc.) is made from 100% plastic. 
They may call it all sorts of fancy things but it is plastic - plastic is made from petrol, which also fuels the whole oil- and petrol industry. You want to be dependent on green energy only? Then almost everything you buy in your local HM, New Yorker or other cheaper retail store isn’t helping. It’s all plastic. Which, as stated above, releases microfibres into the water EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. They’re washed. These microfibres degrade at an extremely long rate, whereas natural products decompose at a much faster rate. 
Polyester is made from the same thing they put in antifreeze for your car (Ethylene glycol).
Sheering sheep doesn’t hurt them. Cow leather comes from cattle that is used in the meat industry. I understand if you do not want to use silk or fur because of the way it is produced (even though some furs are actually also byproducts of hunting, like Greenlandic sealskin, which is sold as a byproduct of Kalaalit hunting traditions and as a byproduct), but using polyester, acrylic or even viscose (the energy and CO2 print of creating viscose is GINORMOUS) instead is as harmful, if not, to the general ‘health’ of the planet. You made have saved a sheep, but you’ve just poisoned a whole bunch of fish and other water dwelling animals and microorganisms instead. 
If wooly products still bother you, buy 100% cotton, flax, hemp, bamboo, coconut fibre, wool (sheep, merino, alpaca, bison, angora, camel, any kind of animal you can brush/sheer, yes, even your golden retriever hairs should be able to be made into yarn if you find a spinning wheel and a spinster willing to try), sisal, etc. products instead. They’re nice and breathable too!

spectralarchers: thegreenwolf: lipsredasroses: beachgirlnikita: glyndarling: witchella: laylibear: bettagal: sabelmouse: This fak...

Alive, Animals, and Cats: Meg OVeganMegane Vegans who feed their pets meat: u guys have gotta see the bigger picture. We shouldn't support animal exploitation w/ our money That's it. 7/13/16, 10:50 PM aer @thelilmermade @VeganMegane yes um so how would I feed my cat? 7/13/16, 11:02 PM lI VIEW TWEET ACTIVITY Meg @VeganMegane @thelilmermade is your cat male or 7m female? :) check out this website for more info: vegancats.com/ veganfaq.php Meg @VeganMegane @thelilmermade I know you want to best for your companion, and I won't deny that there are risks, but you can minimise those risks! 5m someoneintheshadow456: nautica-the-savant: marbledmartin: thegrumpymathematician: nunyabizni: sarcasmsuitsme: skypig357: iswearimnotnaked: hi hello CATS!!!! CANNOT!!!! BE VEGAN!!!!! i cannot believe i have to fucking say this. dogs are omnivore and IF YOUR VET APPROVES your pooch MAY be able to go on an APPROVED(!!!!!) commercial vegan dog food like the brand “v-dog” which has all the essential vitamins, protein, etc. (the oldest record winning dogs have been vegan) cats are CARNIVORE and cannot fucking live on a vegan diet. a vet would laugh in your face and probably find some way to have your pet taken away from you because you’re obviously not fit to have an animal if you think you can feed a cat a diet based on your own ethics i’m vegan but this is so fucking harmful. it’s about minimizing your harm, not putting your animals on risky diets in an attempt to be perfect. DON’T FUCKING DO THIS TO YOUR PETS Idiot people If you see someone you know doing this, report them for animal cruelty and neglect. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This posts, and many of the notes on it, are bothering me. Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed colleagues from outside the confines of the gender binary; gather ‘round. Let’s throw some science in this joint. 1. Humans. Humans are not cats. Humans are not dogs. One would think this obvious, but people have a tendency to attempt such interspecies comparisons when discussing diet. Humans are order omnivora; we have essentially evolved in a manner that attempts to give us as much dietary flexibility as possible. We do, however, require a substance called B12 (or cobalamin), which is extremely important for brain and nervous system functions, as well as the synthesis of DNA and the construction of red blood cells. We cannot produce this vitamin ourselves–no animal, plant, or fungus can. The enzymes used in cobalamin production are essentially unique to bacteria and archaea–some species of which hang out in the digestive tracks of other animals. We get cobalamin in a roundabout way from fish, shellfish, meat, eggs, milk, and dairy products. While there is no naturally-occurring, vegan source of the vitamin that has been demonstrated effective in a human study of statistically significant sample size, effective synthetic forms do exist and can be used as a substitute.  Cyanocobalamin is one of the most common and is frequently found in fortified foods and vitamins. In short: Humans are omnivores. Humans have evolved for dietary flexibility, including viable vegetarianism. Humans did not evolve for veganism (be extremely suspicious of people who tell you that we did, as they are lying), but due to modern technologies, veganism is also a viable diet that humans can thrive on, should they so choose. 2. Cats. Cats are order carnivora. Cats require (amongst other things) an amino acid called taurine. We’re not quite sure how, exactly, but we know that it’s extremely important to feline heart wall tissue, retinal tissue, and brain tissue amongst other things. Cats cannot manufacture their own taurine, and must get it from other sources–primarily shellfish, fish and meat. Taurine breaks down when heated, so feeding your cat a home-cooked diet rich in this foods is also not necessarily a good idea (talk to a vet). Secondary (read: SUPPLEMENTARY. NOT A SOLE SOURCE OF TAURINE.) sources of taurine for cats include dairy, eggs, and seaweed- or yeast-based taurine supplements. In nature, cats don’t really need to worry about getting enough taurine, because (as you may have noticed), taurine sources are indeed the things that cats tend to catch and eat. However, a cat that lives in a human household is dependent on humans for food, and sometimes humans are utter fucktrucks. In short: Cats are obligate carnivores. Their primary source of nutrition is meat. They must eat meat, preferably as close to raw as possible. They have digestive tracks designed for digesting meat. There are vegan/vegetarian cat kibbles on the market. Do not buy them. Your cat is neither vegan nor vegetarian, and if you adjust their diet as if they were, you are a terrible person who is harming and possibly killing your pet. You suck. End of discussion. 3. Dogs. Dogs are slightly more nuanced here. They are facultative carnivores–meaning that they optimally should eat meat, but can survive on other things if resources are scare. Dogs also need the amino acid taurine, but can technically manufacture it themselves if the proper building blocks are in their diets. They also need vitamin D–D3 is preferable, but D2 can be used to some degree. Dogs are somewhere between us (the true omnivore) and the cat (the true carnivore). A vegan or vegetarian diet will keep a dog alive, certainly, but is unlikely to allow your pet to thrive as it lacks the recommended nutrients. You should probably be feeding your dog meat. The exception here–some dogs are allergic to conventional dog foods, or find symptoms of certain diseases alleviated by vegetarianism. In this case, a veterinarian (not you, layperson, I mean an actual trained veterinarian) may determine that the benefits of putting your dog on a vegetarian/vegan diet outweigh those of feeding your dog meat. This is relatively rare, but does occasionally happen. And no, actually, the oldest dog is not vegan–Bramble is the only dog on this list that I found had some indication of veganism. The oldest dog on record is an Australian Kelpie named Maggie, who was not vegan. It is more likely that Bramble lived that long despite the veganism, not because of it. In short: If a vet thinks that your dog may be allergic to dog food/require a special diet and recommends you try feeding it a vegetarian/vegan diet, listen to your vet. Otherwise? Dogs are carnivora. They do need vegetables and other sources of nutrients, but their optimal fuel, as it were, is meat. Your dog needs meat to be happy. Fucking feed your dog.  Now, I did manage to find two veterinarians who disagree with every other study I dug up and the American Veterinary Medical Association. Their articles are here and here. They don’t really have sources, and are essentially wholly dependent on anecdotal evidence (“my dog is a vegetarian and hasn’t died!”), but for those of you data cherry-pickers reading this, there you go.  As a rule, dogs and cats need meat. If that makes you uncomfortable, that is your problem, not theirs. If you try to implement a vegan or vegetarian diet for your pets because you implemented one for yourself, you shouldn’t have those pets. That is animal abuse. (By the way, those of you not feeding your cats and non-allergic dogs the food they need to survive and thrive? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not love your pets?) TL;DR If you do not want a pet that must be fed meat, you should under no circumstances acquire a cat or a dog. Thank you for your time. Rebloobing for the more detailed info on B12 and obligate carnivore vs true omnivores Always reblog. Dear Vegans, If you’re not willing to at least feed your dogs and cats commercial food, get a rabbit or a parrot.
Alive, Animals, and Cats: Meg
 OVeganMegane
 Vegans who feed their pets meat:
 u guys have gotta see the bigger
 picture. We shouldn't support
 animal exploitation w/ our money
 That's it.
 7/13/16, 10:50 PM

 aer
 @thelilmermade
 @VeganMegane yes um so how
 would I feed my cat?
 7/13/16, 11:02 PM
 lI VIEW TWEET ACTIVITY
 Meg @VeganMegane
 @thelilmermade is your cat male or
 7m
 female? :) check out this website for
 more info: vegancats.com/
 veganfaq.php

 Meg @VeganMegane
 @thelilmermade I know you want to
 best for your companion, and I
 won't deny that there are risks, but
 you can minimise those risks!
 5m
someoneintheshadow456:

nautica-the-savant:

marbledmartin:

thegrumpymathematician:

nunyabizni:

sarcasmsuitsme:

skypig357:

iswearimnotnaked:

hi hello CATS!!!! CANNOT!!!! BE VEGAN!!!!! 

i cannot believe i have to fucking say this. 

dogs are omnivore and IF YOUR VET APPROVES your pooch MAY be able to go on an APPROVED(!!!!!) commercial vegan dog food like the brand “v-dog” which has all the essential vitamins, protein, etc. (the oldest record winning dogs have been vegan) 

cats are CARNIVORE and cannot fucking live on a vegan diet. a vet would laugh in your face and probably find some way to have your pet taken away from you because you’re obviously not fit to have an animal if you think you can feed a cat a diet based on your own ethics 

i’m vegan but this is so fucking harmful. 

it’s about minimizing your harm, not putting your animals on risky diets in an attempt to be perfect. 

DON’T FUCKING DO THIS TO YOUR PETS

Idiot people

If you see someone you know doing this, report them for animal cruelty and neglect.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


This posts, and many of the notes on it, are bothering me. Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed colleagues from outside the confines of the gender binary; gather ‘round. Let’s throw some science in this joint.
1. Humans. Humans are not cats. Humans are not dogs. One would think this obvious, but people have a tendency to attempt such interspecies comparisons when discussing diet. Humans are order omnivora; we have essentially evolved in a manner that attempts to give us as much dietary flexibility as possible. We do, however, require a substance called B12 (or cobalamin), which is extremely important for brain and nervous system functions, as well as the synthesis of DNA and the construction of red blood cells. We cannot produce this vitamin ourselves–no animal, plant, or fungus can. The enzymes used in cobalamin production are essentially unique to bacteria and archaea–some species of which hang out in the digestive tracks of other animals. We get cobalamin in a roundabout way from fish, shellfish, meat, eggs, milk, and dairy products. While there is no naturally-occurring, vegan source of the vitamin that has been demonstrated effective in a human study of statistically significant sample size, effective synthetic forms do exist and can be used as a substitute.  Cyanocobalamin is one of the most common and is frequently found in fortified foods and vitamins. In short: Humans are omnivores. Humans have evolved for dietary flexibility, including viable vegetarianism. Humans did not evolve for veganism (be extremely suspicious of people who tell you that we did, as they are lying), but due to modern technologies, veganism is also a viable diet that humans can thrive on, should they so choose.
2. Cats. Cats are order carnivora. Cats require (amongst other things) an amino acid called taurine. We’re not quite sure how, exactly, but we know that it’s extremely important to feline heart wall tissue, retinal tissue, and brain tissue amongst other things. Cats cannot manufacture their own taurine, and must get it from other sources–primarily shellfish, fish and meat. Taurine breaks down when heated, so feeding your cat a home-cooked diet rich in this foods is also not necessarily a good idea (talk to a vet). Secondary (read: SUPPLEMENTARY. NOT A SOLE SOURCE OF TAURINE.) sources of taurine for cats include dairy, eggs, and seaweed- or yeast-based taurine supplements. In nature, cats don’t really need to worry about getting enough taurine, because (as you may have noticed), taurine sources are indeed the things that cats tend to catch and eat. However, a cat that lives in a human household is dependent on humans for food, and sometimes humans are utter fucktrucks. In short: Cats are obligate carnivores. Their primary source of nutrition is meat. They must eat meat, preferably as close to raw as possible. They have digestive tracks designed for digesting meat. There are vegan/vegetarian cat kibbles on the market. Do not buy them. Your cat is neither vegan nor vegetarian, and if you adjust their diet as if they were, you are a terrible person who is harming and possibly killing your pet. You suck. End of discussion.
3. Dogs. Dogs are slightly more nuanced here. They are facultative carnivores–meaning that they optimally should eat meat, but can survive on other things if resources are scare. Dogs also need the amino acid taurine, but can technically manufacture it themselves if the proper building blocks are in their diets. They also need vitamin D–D3 is preferable, but D2 can be used to some degree. Dogs are somewhere between us (the true omnivore) and the cat (the true carnivore). A vegan or vegetarian diet will keep a dog alive, certainly, but is unlikely to allow your pet to thrive as it lacks the recommended nutrients. You should probably be feeding your dog meat. The exception here–some dogs are allergic to conventional dog foods, or find symptoms of certain diseases alleviated by vegetarianism. In this case, a veterinarian (not you, layperson, I mean an actual trained veterinarian) may determine that the benefits of putting your dog on a vegetarian/vegan diet outweigh those of feeding your dog meat. This is relatively rare, but does occasionally happen. And no, actually, the oldest dog is not vegan–Bramble is the only dog on this list that I found had some indication of veganism. The oldest dog on record is an Australian Kelpie named Maggie, who was not vegan. It is more likely that Bramble lived that long despite the veganism, not because of it. In short: If a vet thinks that your dog may be allergic to dog food/require a special diet and recommends you try feeding it a vegetarian/vegan diet, listen to your vet. Otherwise? Dogs are carnivora. They do need vegetables and other sources of nutrients, but their optimal fuel, as it were, is meat. Your dog needs meat to be happy. Fucking feed your dog. 
Now, I did manage to find two veterinarians who disagree with every other study I dug up and the American Veterinary Medical Association. Their articles are here and here. They don’t really have sources, and are essentially wholly dependent on anecdotal evidence (“my dog is a vegetarian and hasn’t died!”), but for those of you data cherry-pickers reading this, there you go. 
As a rule, dogs and cats need meat. If that makes you uncomfortable, that is your problem, not theirs. If you try to implement a vegan or vegetarian diet for your pets because you implemented one for yourself, you shouldn’t have those pets. That is animal abuse. (By the way, those of you not feeding your cats and non-allergic dogs the food they need to survive and thrive? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not love your pets?)
TL;DR If you do not want a pet that must be fed meat, you should under no circumstances acquire a cat or a dog. Thank you for your time.

Rebloobing for the more detailed info on B12 and obligate carnivore vs true omnivores


Always reblog. 

Dear Vegans,
If you’re not willing to at least feed your dogs and cats commercial food, get a rabbit or a parrot.

someoneintheshadow456: nautica-the-savant: marbledmartin: thegrumpymathematician: nunyabizni: sarcasmsuitsme: skypig357: iswearimnotn...

Butt, Chill, and Choose One: Ride Menu Choose one or more types of rides you would like today (You must be 18 years of age or older and over 4'2" tall.) The Stand-Up Ride lohn: The Lyft Driver I tell you about things I learned in prison and poor life choices I have made. Don't put a tattoo of your girlfriend on your butt. It rarely works out well. The Creepy Ride I don't say anything. I just leer at you periodically in the review mirror and lick my lips in an unpleasant, malicious or lascivious manner. The Therapy Ride Tell me about all your problems and I will pretend to care The Sympathy Ride I tell you about my problems and you pretend to care The Silent Ride The Sado-Masochistic Ride l insult you and your relatives (particularly your mother) and be as rude as I possibly can to you the whole trip. WARNING: This ride hegins by me throwing yo out of the car and making you run to catch up. The Chill Out Ride out on beautifu, qwiet classical music and you arrive at your destunation relaxed, refreshed and less likely to complain about the TSA strip search. The Gluttony Ride I recommend the best restaurants in town and warn you to stay away from the other oves ayped ones. (I will join you upon request.) The Jeopardy Ride I tell you fun facts and trivia about Nashville which will help you win game shows and amaze your friends. Hint: Ask me about "hookers Interesting Lyft ride The sadomasochistic ride is tempting (xpost from r/mildlyinteresting)
Butt, Chill, and Choose One: Ride Menu
 Choose one or more types of rides you would like today
 (You must be 18 years of age or older and over 4'2" tall.)
 The Stand-Up Ride
 lohn: The Lyft Driver
 I tell you about things I learned in prison and poor life choices I have made.
 Don't put a tattoo of your girlfriend on your butt. It rarely works out well.
 The Creepy Ride
 I don't say anything. I just leer at you periodically in the review mirror and
 lick my lips in an unpleasant, malicious or lascivious manner.
 The Therapy Ride
 Tell me about all your problems and I will pretend to care
 The Sympathy Ride
 I tell you about my problems and you pretend to care
 The Silent Ride
 The Sado-Masochistic Ride
 l insult you and your relatives (particularly your mother) and be as rude as I
 possibly can to you the whole trip. WARNING: This ride hegins by me
 throwing yo out of the car and making you run to catch up.
 The Chill Out Ride
 out on beautifu, qwiet classical music and you arrive at your destunation
 relaxed, refreshed and less likely to complain about the TSA strip search.
 The Gluttony Ride
 I recommend the best restaurants in town and warn you to stay away from
 the other oves ayped ones. (I will join you upon request.)
 The Jeopardy Ride
 I tell you fun facts and trivia about Nashville which will help you win game
 shows and amaze your friends. Hint: Ask me about "hookers
 Interesting Lyft ride
The sadomasochistic ride is tempting (xpost from r/mildlyinteresting)

The sadomasochistic ride is tempting (xpost from r/mildlyinteresting)

Fucking, Love, and Sorry: So our local children's hospital re- cently redecorated, but I'm not too sure they really thought things out eternal-dannation: jhenne-bean: forlovefromfear: diasporanpapi: youthful-pills: ichigo-hiyoko: mintymaiden: gildatheplant: Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys. I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings. im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂 Hi fun fact, colors do have meaning and there is a legit thing called color theory. Red does has more positive connotations than negative like the @mintymaiden said. Red is associated with more love, lust, passion than blood and death just like the chart shows you but If you want, here’s a link for you to check it out yourself. Also, check out “The Designer’s Dictionary of Color” by Sean Adams. Have fun learning something Xoxo -Designer What is Color Theory? I think y’all are missing the point here. You can theorize to Nebraska and back but that doesn’t change my immediate reaction which is that someone is literally dragging a corpse around I like that the presumption here is that “No One On Tumblr Has Heard of Color Theory, Let Me Explain in Depth” rather than simply acknowledging that the VISUAL EFFECTS of this particular color choice, applied in the manner it was, can still amount to “this is a hospital and that looks like blood” like, color theory doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your design of choice for Blood Red Paint is asymmetric splatters and sploches against the wall, or in this case, a snail trail on the hallway’s floor, an infographic won’t override the viewers’ instinct. this post is the perfect summation of tumblr’s reading comprehension and critical thought abilities
Fucking, Love, and Sorry: So our local children's hospital re-
 cently redecorated, but I'm not too
 sure they really thought things out
eternal-dannation:

jhenne-bean:

forlovefromfear:

diasporanpapi:


youthful-pills:


ichigo-hiyoko:

mintymaiden:

gildatheplant:
Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys.

I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings.

im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me
red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂


Hi fun fact, colors do have meaning and there is a legit thing called color theory. Red does has more positive connotations than negative like the @mintymaiden said. Red is associated with more love, lust, passion than blood and death just like the chart shows you but If you want, here’s a link for you to check it out yourself. Also, check out “The Designer’s Dictionary of Color” by Sean Adams. Have fun learning something

Xoxo 

-Designer 
What is Color Theory?


I think y’all are missing the point here.


You can theorize to Nebraska and back but that doesn’t change my immediate reaction which is that someone is literally dragging a corpse around

I like that the presumption here is that “No One On Tumblr Has Heard of Color Theory, Let Me Explain in Depth” rather than simply acknowledging that the VISUAL EFFECTS of this particular color choice, applied in the manner it was, can still amount to “this is a hospital and that looks like blood” 
like, color theory doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your design of choice for Blood Red Paint is asymmetric splatters and sploches against the wall, or in this case, a snail trail on the hallway’s floor, an infographic won’t override the viewers’ instinct. 

this post is the perfect summation of tumblr’s reading comprehension and critical thought abilities

eternal-dannation: jhenne-bean: forlovefromfear: diasporanpapi: youthful-pills: ichigo-hiyoko: mintymaiden: gildatheplant: Literall...

Fucking, Love, and Sorry: So our local children's hospital re- cently redecorated, but I'm not too sure they really thought things out eternal-dannation: jhenne-bean: forlovefromfear: diasporanpapi: youthful-pills: ichigo-hiyoko: mintymaiden: gildatheplant: Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys. I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings. im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂 Hi fun fact, colors do have meaning and there is a legit thing called color theory. Red does has more positive connotations than negative like the @mintymaiden said. Red is associated with more love, lust, passion than blood and death just like the chart shows you but If you want, here’s a link for you to check it out yourself. Also, check out “The Designer’s Dictionary of Color” by Sean Adams. Have fun learning something Xoxo -Designer What is Color Theory? I think y’all are missing the point here. You can theorize to Nebraska and back but that doesn’t change my immediate reaction which is that someone is literally dragging a corpse around I like that the presumption here is that “No One On Tumblr Has Heard of Color Theory, Let Me Explain in Depth” rather than simply acknowledging that the VISUAL EFFECTS of this particular color choice, applied in the manner it was, can still amount to “this is a hospital and that looks like blood” like, color theory doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your design of choice for Blood Red Paint is asymmetric splatters and sploches against the wall, or in this case, a snail trail on the hallway’s floor, an infographic won’t override the viewers’ instinct. this post is the perfect summation of tumblr’s reading comprehension and critical thought abilities
Fucking, Love, and Sorry: So our local children's hospital re-
 cently redecorated, but I'm not too
 sure they really thought things out
eternal-dannation:

jhenne-bean:

forlovefromfear:

diasporanpapi:


youthful-pills:


ichigo-hiyoko:

mintymaiden:

gildatheplant:
Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys.

I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings.

im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me
red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂


Hi fun fact, colors do have meaning and there is a legit thing called color theory. Red does has more positive connotations than negative like the @mintymaiden said. Red is associated with more love, lust, passion than blood and death just like the chart shows you but If you want, here’s a link for you to check it out yourself. Also, check out “The Designer’s Dictionary of Color” by Sean Adams. Have fun learning something

Xoxo 

-Designer 
What is Color Theory?


I think y’all are missing the point here.


You can theorize to Nebraska and back but that doesn’t change my immediate reaction which is that someone is literally dragging a corpse around

I like that the presumption here is that “No One On Tumblr Has Heard of Color Theory, Let Me Explain in Depth” rather than simply acknowledging that the VISUAL EFFECTS of this particular color choice, applied in the manner it was, can still amount to “this is a hospital and that looks like blood” 
like, color theory doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your design of choice for Blood Red Paint is asymmetric splatters and sploches against the wall, or in this case, a snail trail on the hallway’s floor, an infographic won’t override the viewers’ instinct. 

this post is the perfect summation of tumblr’s reading comprehension and critical thought abilities

eternal-dannation: jhenne-bean: forlovefromfear: diasporanpapi: youthful-pills: ichigo-hiyoko: mintymaiden: gildatheplant: Literall...

Fucking, Love, and Sorry: So our local children's hospital re- cently redecorated, but I'm not too sure they really thought things out cazador-red: eternal-dannation: jhenne-bean: forlovefromfear: diasporanpapi: youthful-pills: ichigo-hiyoko: mintymaiden: gildatheplant: Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys. I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings. im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂 Hi fun fact, colors do have meaning and there is a legit thing called color theory. Red does has more positive connotations than negative like the @mintymaiden said. Red is associated with more love, lust, passion than blood and death just like the chart shows you but If you want, here’s a link for you to check it out yourself. Also, check out “The Designer’s Dictionary of Color” by Sean Adams. Have fun learning something Xoxo -Designer What is Color Theory? I think y’all are missing the point here. You can theorize to Nebraska and back but that doesn’t change my immediate reaction which is that someone is literally dragging a corpse around I like that the presumption here is that “No One On Tumblr Has Heard of Color Theory, Let Me Explain in Depth” rather than simply acknowledging that the VISUAL EFFECTS of this particular color choice, applied in the manner it was, can still amount to “this is a hospital and that looks like blood” like, color theory doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your design of choice for Blood Red Paint is asymmetric splatters and sploches against the wall, or in this case, a snail trail on the hallway’s floor, an infographic won’t override the viewers’ instinct. this post is the perfect summation of tumblr’s reading comprehension and critical thought abilities
Fucking, Love, and Sorry: So our local children's hospital re-
 cently redecorated, but I'm not too
 sure they really thought things out
cazador-red:

eternal-dannation:

jhenne-bean:

forlovefromfear:

diasporanpapi:


youthful-pills:


ichigo-hiyoko:

mintymaiden:

gildatheplant:
Literally any other colour would’ve been a better choice guys.

I’d like to point out that the colour red has more positive than negative meanings.

im sorry but this reply absolutely killed me
red can mean whatever the heck you want it to mean, that is never going to change that this straight up looks like they DRAGGED A BLOODY BODY ACROSS THE FUCKING FLOOR 😂


Hi fun fact, colors do have meaning and there is a legit thing called color theory. Red does has more positive connotations than negative like the @mintymaiden said. Red is associated with more love, lust, passion than blood and death just like the chart shows you but If you want, here’s a link for you to check it out yourself. Also, check out “The Designer’s Dictionary of Color” by Sean Adams. Have fun learning something

Xoxo 

-Designer 
What is Color Theory?


I think y’all are missing the point here.


You can theorize to Nebraska and back but that doesn’t change my immediate reaction which is that someone is literally dragging a corpse around

I like that the presumption here is that “No One On Tumblr Has Heard of Color Theory, Let Me Explain in Depth” rather than simply acknowledging that the VISUAL EFFECTS of this particular color choice, applied in the manner it was, can still amount to “this is a hospital and that looks like blood” 
like, color theory doesn’t exist in a vacuum. If your design of choice for Blood Red Paint is asymmetric splatters and sploches against the wall, or in this case, a snail trail on the hallway’s floor, an infographic won’t override the viewers’ instinct. 

this post is the perfect summation of tumblr’s reading comprehension and critical thought abilities

cazador-red: eternal-dannation: jhenne-bean: forlovefromfear: diasporanpapi: youthful-pills: ichigo-hiyoko: mintymaiden: gildathep...

Alive, Ass, and Friends: whotheeffisbucky: fantastic-fantasy-fanfics: whotheeffisbucky: angryschnauzer: comicbookfilms: Justice League (2017) dir. Zack Snyder Only a male director would put an upskirt shot into a movie and hope no one mentions it. @angryschnauzer RIGHT? RIGHT?!  The huge difference between the way she’s shot in the Patty Jenkins film compared to this is ridiculous. It’s framed in such a way that we could be viewing her actual vagina, but the shadowing leaves a little more to the imagination. The male gaze is alive and kicking, my friends.  I could write an entire essay about this, but this is one of the most clear cut examples I can think of.  You can’t see up her skirt? And it’s to make her look taller? More intimidating? If it was an up-skirt shot you’d see her bare ass cheeks or an implication of her vag. You can’t. Not to mention, JOSS WHEDON re-shot a lot of the scenes in Justice league (and made them worse), AND was in charge of overseeing editing while Zach was mourning his daughter. So if you’re going to blame someone, don’t blame Zach for this, blame Joss Whedon. Zach’s cut if Justice League ACTUALLY respected Diana If it was an up-skirt shot you’d see her bare ass cheeks or an implication of her vag. You can’t. Not to mention, JOSS WHEDON re-shot a lot of the scenes in Justice league (and made them worse), AND was in charge of overseeing editing while Zach was mourning his daughter. @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics That’s not the point I was making. Neither director has been mentioned at all in this post. There are alternative ways to make an individual look taller. The Dutch Shot has many uses. Example:The camera is tilted and keeps both actors in frame, whilst achieving the desired effect. What I’m arguing is wrong is the choice of angle that deliberately places Wonder Woman in a position to be looked at in a sexual manner. Moreover, an upskirt shot does not have to include any bare flesh at all. If anything, it’s designed to imply, rather than simply show. It’s not an issue with Zach Snyder, there was never any mention of him. But the issue still stands: the shot was clearly done to appease the male gaze and is needlessly oversexualised. It’s a standing problem in popular film and looks very obvious here when you compare it to how Patty Jenkins shot the Wonder Woman film.
Alive, Ass, and Friends: whotheeffisbucky:

fantastic-fantasy-fanfics:
whotheeffisbucky:

angryschnauzer:

comicbookfilms:
Justice League (2017) dir. Zack Snyder

Only a male director would put an upskirt shot into a movie and hope no one mentions it. 

@angryschnauzer RIGHT? RIGHT?! 
The huge difference between the way she’s shot in the Patty Jenkins film compared to this is ridiculous. It’s framed in such a way that we could be viewing her actual vagina, but the shadowing leaves a little more to the imagination. The male gaze is alive and kicking, my friends. 
I could write an entire essay about this, but this is one of the most clear cut examples I can think of. 

You can’t see up her skirt?  And it’s to make her look taller?  More intimidating? If it was an up-skirt shot you’d see her bare ass cheeks or an implication of her vag.  You can’t.  Not to mention, JOSS WHEDON re-shot a lot of the scenes in Justice league (and made them worse), AND was in charge of overseeing editing while Zach was mourning his daughter.  So if you’re going to blame someone, don’t blame Zach for this, blame Joss Whedon.  Zach’s cut if Justice League ACTUALLY respected Diana 
If it was an up-skirt shot you’d see her bare ass cheeks or an implication of her vag.  You can’t.
Not to mention, JOSS WHEDON re-shot a lot of the scenes in Justice league (and made them worse), AND was in charge of overseeing editing while Zach was mourning his daughter.

@fantastic-fantasy-fanfics That’s not the point I was making. Neither director has been mentioned at all in this post. There are alternative ways to make an individual look taller. The Dutch Shot has many uses. Example:The camera is tilted and keeps both actors in frame, whilst achieving the desired effect. What I’m arguing is wrong is the choice of angle that deliberately places Wonder Woman in a position to be looked at in a sexual manner. Moreover, an upskirt shot does not have to include any bare flesh at all. If anything, it’s designed to imply, rather than simply show. It’s not an issue with Zach Snyder, there was never any mention of him. But the issue still stands: the shot was clearly done to appease the male gaze and is needlessly oversexualised. It’s a standing problem in popular film and looks very obvious here when you compare it to how Patty Jenkins shot the Wonder Woman film.

whotheeffisbucky: fantastic-fantasy-fanfics: whotheeffisbucky: angryschnauzer: comicbookfilms: Justice League (2017) dir. Zack Snyder On...

9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story
 So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu
 California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for
 into
 a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house.
 So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing.
 Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out
 all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian
 desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed
 Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini
 marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love
 are
 even if they are si
 In the spirit of going
 alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey
 Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy
 foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad-
 dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in
 the backyard where he makes various cured meats and
 other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional
 manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for
 SO
 Game Hen seasoned that way, for them.
 Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can
 stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular
 stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put
 the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be-
 cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains
 how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal
 as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius.
 Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle
 Cliff s
 after her
 So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit
 high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being
 trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards,
 and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse
 himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement,
 getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic
 groups were destroying America. Being that I had close
 Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of
 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to
 n roughly five times my size.
 Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and
 defending him, or telling us we're rotten children
 for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her
 Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an
 ugly
 mustache
 My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and
 my grandfather limps down to the basement and
 brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in
 spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him.
 Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but
 while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your
 skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up.
 We go upstairs and sit down, and do the
 traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the
 bread gets passed around the table, and things calm
 down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone
 goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves
 it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along
 with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all
 around becuase it looks cool.
 Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting
 up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard
 Munch and shrieks
 OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI
 We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the
 fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way
 had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth
 Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out
 where to begin but since shed been trying to justify
 Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating
 conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going.
 IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN
 ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M
 SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching
 gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her
 chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a
 shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it
 collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and
 kicking her feet like a toddler
 Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs
 heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while
 my grandmother mouths she's not coming back
 Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally
 notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up,
 are assisted by Dad,
 who is saintly patient man and less immune to this
 jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into
 my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle
 ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS
 BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best
 Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the
 catholic church and even considered becoming a priest
 before getting drafted but that's another story)and
 assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the
 room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the
 center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill.
 I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you
 some
 That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her
 ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot
 her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that,
 and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about
 anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the
 most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind.
 Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they
 went home, and the party got underway properly, with
 Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For
 t Turkey has been an
 staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for
 instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE
 to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you
 carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as
 good 2. Share the pictures with me,
Very planned Parenthood

Very planned Parenthood