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Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes He Spent Entire Conversation Thinking About How To Automate Person Talking To Him theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.
Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes
 He Spent Entire Conversation
 Thinking About How To Automate
 Person Talking To Him
theonion:

SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.

theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

Doctor, Driving, and Love: 8:09 II O reddit USE APP Log in / Register r/doctorwho Misc Tound my lost cat thanks to Doctor Who u/OuterSpaceSimon Today i finally found my lost cat (i freaking love this dickhead) after he escaped the house three days ago Little bit of backstory: My cat always sleeps by my side and i have a habit of watching a few episodes of Doctor Who before sleeping. Because of that, my cat runs to my bed as soon as he hears the Tardis sound because its a "sign" to go sleeping for him He never leaves the house but 3 days ago i couldnt find him anywhere and i figured out he somehow escaped.. I started to search him and spent a lot of hours outside calling his name but i never found him. Today, I went to bed and started my daily episode and when the Tardis sound came up i felt really sad but then i had the idea! At 1:00 AM, i grabbed my phone, ran to my car, connected the phone and played a video of the tardis sound so loud i probably woke everyone in the area up.. after driving around for a little, still blasting the sound, i really saw my freaking idiot cat running towards my car (t was 1km away from my house) and he was sooo freaking happy to hear the sound and see me :D So now, here i am, watching Doctor Who with my cat by my side again TLDR: Cat ran away, three days later i found him by blasting the tardis sound in my car at 1:00 AM Share20 Comments 206 The good doc saves the day via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2PSftoy
Doctor, Driving, and Love: 8:09 II O
 reddit
 USE APP
 Log in / Register
 r/doctorwho Misc
 Tound my lost cat thanks to Doctor Who
 u/OuterSpaceSimon
 Today i finally found my lost cat (i freaking love this dickhead)
 after he escaped the house three days ago
 Little bit of backstory: My cat always sleeps by my side and i have
 a habit of watching a few episodes of Doctor Who before
 sleeping. Because of that, my cat runs to my bed as soon as he
 hears the Tardis sound because its a "sign" to go sleeping for
 him
 He never leaves the house but 3 days ago i couldnt find him
 anywhere and i figured out he somehow escaped.. I started to
 search him and spent a lot of hours outside calling his name but i
 never found him. Today, I went to bed and started my daily
 episode and when the Tardis sound came up i felt really sad but
 then i had the idea!
 At 1:00 AM, i grabbed my phone, ran to my car, connected the
 phone and played a video of the tardis sound so loud i probably
 woke everyone in the area up.. after driving around for a little, still
 blasting the sound, i really saw my freaking idiot cat running
 towards my car (t was 1km away from my house) and he was
 sooo freaking happy to hear the sound and see me :D
 So now, here i am, watching Doctor Who with my cat by my side
 again
 TLDR: Cat ran away, three days later i found him by blasting the
 tardis sound in my car at 1:00 AM
 Share20 Comments
 206
The good doc saves the day via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2PSftoy

The good doc saves the day via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2PSftoy

Click, Complex, and Crime: When I became your Prime Minister the United Kingdom had just voted to leave the European Union. From my first day in the job, I knew I had a clear mission before me -a duty to fulil on your behalf: to honour the result of the referendum and secure a brighter future for our country by negotiating a good Brexit deal with the EU. Throughout the long and complex negotiations that have taken place over the last year and a half, I have never lost sight of that duty Today, I am in Brussels with the firm intention of agreeing a Brexit deal with the leaders of the other 27 EU nations. It will be a deal that is in our national interest one that works for our whole country and all of our people, whether you voted Leave' or 'Remain. It will honour the result of the referendum. We wl take back control of our borders, by putting an end to the free movement of people once and for all. Instead of an immigration system based on where a person comes from, we will build one based on the skills and talents a person has to offer. We will take back control of our money, by putting an end to vast annual payments to the EU. Instead, we will be able to spend British taxpayer's money on our own priorities, like the extra £394 million per week that we are investing in our long-term plan for the NHS And we will take back control of our laws, by ending the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice in the UK. In future, our laws will be made, interpreted and enforced by our own courts and legislatures We will be out of EU programmes that do not work in our interests: out of the Common Agricultural Policy, that has failed our farmers, and out of the Common Fisheries Policy, that has failed our coastal communities. Instead, we will be able to design a system of agricultural support that works for us and we will be an independent coastal state once again, with full control over our waters. The deal also protects the things we value. EU citizens who have built their lives in the United Kingdom will have their rights protected, as will UK citizens living elsewhere in the EU. A free trade area will allow goods to flow easily across our borders, protecting the many skilled jobs right across the country that rely on integrated supply-chains. Because our European friends will always be our allies in the fight against terrorism and organised crime, the deal wl ensure that security co-operation will continue, so we can keep our people safe. "I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all of our people." Theresa May has written an open letter to the British public to appeal for their support for the Brexit deal. She said her plan promises a "brighter future" for the UK and leaving the EU will be "a moment of renewal and reconciliation for our whole country". EU leaders are in Brussels for a special summit to decide whether to endorse the deal. Many UK MPs - including Conservatives - say they will vote against it. Click the link in our bio to follow all the latest as it happens. Brexit politics unitedkingdom EU bbcnews
Click, Complex, and Crime: When I became your Prime Minister the United Kingdom had just voted to leave
 the European Union. From my first day in the job, I knew I had a clear mission
 before me -a duty to fulil on your behalf: to honour the result of the referendum
 and secure a brighter future for our country by negotiating a good Brexit deal with
 the EU. Throughout the long and complex negotiations that have taken place over
 the last year and a half, I have never lost sight of that duty
 Today, I am in Brussels with the firm intention of agreeing a Brexit deal with the
 leaders of the other 27 EU nations. It will be a deal that is in our national interest
 one that works for our whole country and all of our people, whether you voted
 Leave' or 'Remain.
 It will honour the result of the referendum. We wl take back control of our
 borders, by putting an end to the free movement of people once and for all. Instead
 of an immigration system based on where a person comes from, we will build one
 based on the skills and talents a person has to offer. We will take back control of
 our money, by putting an end to vast annual payments to the EU. Instead, we will
 be able to spend British taxpayer's money on our own priorities, like the extra
 £394 million per week that we are investing in our long-term plan for the NHS
 And we will take back control of our laws, by ending the jurisdiction of the
 European Court of Justice in the UK. In future, our laws will be made, interpreted
 and enforced by our own courts and legislatures
 We will be out of EU programmes that do not work in our interests: out of the
 Common Agricultural Policy, that has failed our farmers, and out of the Common
 Fisheries Policy, that has failed our coastal communities. Instead, we will be able
 to design a system of agricultural support that works for us and we will be an
 independent coastal state once again, with full control over our waters.
 The deal also protects the things we value. EU citizens who have built their lives in
 the United Kingdom will have their rights protected, as will UK citizens living
 elsewhere in the EU. A free trade area will allow goods to flow easily across our
 borders, protecting the many skilled jobs right across the country that rely on
 integrated supply-chains. Because our European friends will always be our allies in
 the fight against terrorism and organised crime, the deal wl ensure that security
 co-operation will continue, so we can keep our people safe.
"I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all of our people." Theresa May has written an open letter to the British public to appeal for their support for the Brexit deal. She said her plan promises a "brighter future" for the UK and leaving the EU will be "a moment of renewal and reconciliation for our whole country". EU leaders are in Brussels for a special summit to decide whether to endorse the deal. Many UK MPs - including Conservatives - say they will vote against it. Click the link in our bio to follow all the latest as it happens. Brexit politics unitedkingdom EU bbcnews

"I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all o...

Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT ISE phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ” S T  .  P A T R I C K “ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ” M Y  H O U S E “ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ” H O L Y “ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ” F I R E “ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ” G H O S T S “ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ” L E T  T H E M  I N “ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”
Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT
 ISE
phantomemes:
feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed !
S M O K E 
“ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ”
S T  .  P A T R I C K
“ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ”
M Y  H O U S E
“ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ”
H O L Y
“ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ”
F I R E
“ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ”
G H O S T S
“ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ”
L E T  T H E M  I N
“ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”

phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but ...