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Your

Your

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Doesnt Matter

Doesnt Matter

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When Your

When Your

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Get Out The Way

Get Out The Way

Stay Awake
Stay Awake

Stay Awake

You Up
You Up

You Up

Dammit
Dammit

Dammit

But
But

But

🔥 | Latest

Kill A Man: 212,213 E easterelf E the-angelcondom D IF YOU MURDER SOMEONE, BURY THE VICTIM 6-10 FEET UNDERNEATH A DEAD DOG BODY-SNIFFING HOUNDS WILL DIG UP THE DEAD DOG AND POLICE WILL THINK IT'S A FALSE POSITIVE princess-azula grapefruitshampoo imnotthereasonthatyoureinsane tephnos sirisles dixiesaurer aaronwarner-anderson mongezeas gokudera sarahdesdemona ninth-level-of-awesome I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals. Also, if you're burying a full body. make sure you bury them vertically Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that's suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It's easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don't have to tell your neighbors, "Oh, I'm night gardening!" Also, if a dog happens across it, it's more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband. Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They're a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well. You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA. ...I didn't come up with these ideas, just what I've gleaned from reading on the internet. I used to joke about Tumbir teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge thanks tumblr Remember when you're at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious. If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won't get suspicious. This way you don't have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN IAFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF IAM DONE Don't forget that the chances of being caught are greatly reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know in some fashion, so they're easily caught. Serial killers kill at random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up. I am not a serial killer, honest. I am seriously concerned for all of you please don't judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT'S FOR PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK I'M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED AS A HANDBOOK How to murder sucessfullyomg-humor.tumblr.com
Kill A Man: 212,213 E
 easterelf E the-angelcondom D
 IF YOU MURDER SOMEONE, BURY THE VICTIM
 6-10 FEET UNDERNEATH A DEAD DOG
 BODY-SNIFFING HOUNDS WILL DIG UP THE DEAD
 DOG AND POLICE WILL THINK IT'S A FALSE POSITIVE
 princess-azula
 grapefruitshampoo
 imnotthereasonthatyoureinsane
 tephnos
 sirisles
 dixiesaurer
 aaronwarner-anderson
 mongezeas
 gokudera
 sarahdesdemona
 ninth-level-of-awesome
 I love how Tumblr teaches
 us how to be perfect
 criminals.
 Also, if you're burying a full body.
 make sure you bury them
 vertically Satellites orbiting
 earth look for holes that are
 approx. 6ft long because that's
 suspicious. Ideally though, drain
 your body of fluids in a tub ((mix
 fluids with bleach and let them
 soak before draining and take
 precautions to keep your house
 from smelling like death from
 your sink and whatnot. Draining
 the body also keeps decomp at
 bay a bit and makes it easier to
 portion)) and cut it to bits. It's
 easier to bury a head than a
 whole body, and takes less time
 so you don't have to tell your
 neighbors, "Oh, I'm night
 gardening!"
 Also, if a dog happens across it,
 it's more likely it will devour a
 single body part than all of your
 ex-husband.
 Another method is to put it into a
 septic tank. They're a plethora of
 bacteria, and the smell of waste
 covers the smell of
 decomposition very well.
 You should also destroy all teeth,
 massacre the face and burn
 fingerprints/remove finger tips to
 keep from identifying by anything
 other than DNA.
 ...I didn't come up with these
 ideas, just what I've gleaned
 from reading on the internet.
 I used to joke about Tumbir teaching
 us how to get away with murder, but
 fuck, man
 the thing is when i see this i want to go kill
 a man just because i have the knowledge
 thanks tumblr
 Remember when you're at the crime scene to wipe
 down all surfaces and then take the victims hands
 and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run
 the hands along table tops. A room with zero
 fingerprints is very suspicious.
 If you live near the ocean you can drain the body
 and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it
 all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily
 by pretending to chum the water for fish and
 sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before
 dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty
 of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a
 while so anyone who happens to see you won't get
 suspicious. This way you don't have any body parts
 lying around waiting to be dug up and identified.
 Plus you might catch a marlin or something
 PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
 IAFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF IAM DONE
 Don't forget that the chances of being caught are greatly
 reduced if you murder someone who has no connection to
 you at all. Most murderers end up killing someone they know
 in some fashion, so they're easily caught. Serial killers kill at
 random, hence why they can kill a lot before they screw up.
 I am not a serial killer, honest.
 I am seriously concerned for all of you
 please don't judge me for tagging this for future reference, IT'S FOR
 PURELY FICTIONAL PURPOSES OK
 I'M PRETTY SURE THE NEXT TIME I SEE THIS POST, ADVICE ON
 BURYING BODIES WILL ADD UP UNTIL IT SUFFICES TO BE COMPILED
 AS A HANDBOOK
How to murder sucessfullyomg-humor.tumblr.com

How to murder sucessfullyomg-humor.tumblr.com

Kill A Man: Your core values tell you "thou shalt not kill" but your killing machine says "Shut up God, this is 'Merica!" Pew pew <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://moofles.tumblr.com/post/41734084815/gop-tea-pub-proudgayconservative-well">moofles</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://gop-tea-pub.tumblr.com/post/41733882076/proudgayconservative-well-actually-it-says">gop-tea-pub</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://proudgayconservative.tumblr.com/post/41731987426/well-actually-it-says-thou-shalt-not-murder-the">proudgayconservative</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Well actually it says “thou shalt not murder”, the hebrew word does not translate as kill.</p> <p>There is a distinct difference between “kill” and “murder” even in our modern day legal system.</p> <p>If I kill a man who is attempting to murder or rape or rob me, that is not murder. That is self-defense. Which is exactly why (along with hunting and sports) that most gun owners own weapons.</p> <p>Congratulations for showing your stupidity again!</p> </blockquote> <h2>Exodus 22:2-3</h2> <p class="MsoQuote"><strong>Exodus 22:2-3</strong>  <sup>2</sup> “If the thief is found breaking in, and he is struck so that he dies, there shall be no guilt for his bloodshed.   <sup>3</sup> “<u>If the sun has risen on him</u>, there shall be guilt for his bloodshed.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">There are two cases here. In the first case, if someone breaks into your home at night, and you kill him, you are not held guilty of murder. You are not deserving of capital punishment. You do not need to flee to a city of refuge to preserve your life. The understanding is that at night, it is dark, and if someone has invaded your house, they do not announce if they are there merely to steal jewelry and tools. In the dark, you have no way of knowing if someone is coming to kidnap, to rape, or to murder. You are thus blameless if the criminal is killed in that situation. The passage does make it clear that if a man is breaking in at night with the intent of theft <em>or worse</em> (rape, murder, kidnapping, etc.), the defendant can righteously defend himself with lethal force to prevent the commission of the crime).  </p> <p class="MsoNormal">In the second case, it says “if the sun has risen on him”, and you kill the intruder, you are guilty of his bloodshed.  The understanding is that in daytime, there is light, and you can discern the intentions of the home invader. The crime in question here is theft (“if the <strong>thief</strong>”). It is not legitimate to kill someone who is merely stealing your property. In creating civil laws, we see here that not all crimes are worthy of death.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In the daytime, it is assumed that the intention of the intruder can be discerned. If he is a thief, he may not be killed by the defendant. However, if the intruder is there to commit a different crime—assault, murder, kidnapping, rape, etc.—different laws/rules would apply. Though the crime of theft is not worthy of death, kidnapping was worthy of death (Exodus 21:16, Deut. 24:7) as was murder.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Matthew Henry writes: “…if it was in the day-time that the thief was killed, he that killed him must be accountable for it, unless it was in the necessary defense of his own life. … We ought to be tender of the lives even of bad men; the magistrate must afford us redress, and we must not avenge ourselves.” <br/><br/></p> <h1>Possession of weapons and skills with weapons a good and useful thing</h1> <p class="MsoNormal">Having looked at a number of passages that deal with weapons and self-defense, let’s spend a little time discussing Scripture’s view of owning weapons and being skilled in their use. The imagery of weapon use and skill at weapons use is often employed in Scripture, and it is often portrayed as a positive or desirable thing. The Lord’s might is something good, and it is often depicted using martial terms (Zec. 9:14, Psa. 7:13, 18:14, 21:12, 64:7, Hab. 3:11, Deu 32:42, 2 Sam 22:15). The Scriptures are a sword (Eph. 6:17; Heb 4:12). A sword comes out of the mouth of Christ (Rev. 1:16, 2:16, 19:15).</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Possession of weapons is never discouraged in Scripture. In fact, in 1Sam 13:19ff, it is negatively reported that no spears or swords were found in Israel because of the Philistines:</p> <p class="MsoQuote"><strong>1 Samuel 13:19-22 </strong> <sup>9</sup> Now there was no blacksmith to be found throughout all the land of Israel, for the Philistines said, “Lest the Hebrews make swords or spears.”…  <sup>22</sup> So it came about, on the day of battle, that there was neither sword nor spear found in the hand of any of the people who were with Saul and Jonathan. But they were found with Saul and Jonathan his son.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Let’s look at two verses from the Psalms:</p> <p class="MsoQuote"><strong>Psalm 144:1</strong> Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:</p> <p class="MsoQuote"><strong>Psalm 18:34 </strong>He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Skill and ability to use weapons here, whether literal and/or metaphorical, is positively portrayed in these verses.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Further, we have accounts of David, not a soldier, not a law enforcement officer, but a youth, employing ranged weapons skillfully (with God’s help) against bears and lions. This is domestic use of lethal weaponry, non-military use, with non-military training. The weapons used by young David are not “kiddie” slingshots. They are powerful enough to kill a bear and lion—in today’s market, we’re talking about a .44 magnum, not a .22, in the hands of someone too young to be in the army.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">We might be tempted to think that was just for dealing with animals that could threaten sheep. But aren’t <em>humans</em> worth even <em>more</em> protection than sheep?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">We understand that according to Scripture, in matters not of worship or church government, whatever is not forbidden is permitted. I’m not making a claim that ownership of weaponry for the purpose of self-defense is <em>required </em>of the believer. It is not required, but it is <em>permitted</em> by Scripture.</p> <h2>Perspective</h2> <p class="MsoNormal">Fourthly and finally, keep the right perspective on this. Though we see sanction and even a qualified directive from Christ to possess personal weapons, we must remember three points. First, in the remainder of the New Testament, we have no further examples of believers taking up the sword. Secondly, the emphasis in the remainder of the New Testament is decidedly <em>not</em> geared toward the issues of physical self-defense or righteous use of lethal force. Rather, we see more emphasis on Godly living, suffering affliction and persecution for Christ, and grasping the precious doctrines of Christ and the Gospel.  Thirdly, possession of weapons and acquiring the skill to use them in self-defense is permitted but not <em>required</em> by Scripture.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Believers should be conscious that personal self-defense is legitimatized by the Scriptures, just as the use of construction tools, cooking tools, transportation tools are legitimized by Scripture. And these matters of self-defense should hold in our minds and in our affections the same position as those other legitimate, but transitory, matters.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The tendency in some circles is to make the topic of self-defense of <em>primary importance</em>. Though heavenly beings do battle and render judgments with the sword, in the perfection pictured in both the garden of Eden and in the Heavenly city, the <em>primary</em> activities are fellowship with God, fellowship with His people, singing in worship, and living in peace.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em>That</em> is our destination.<br/><br/>And there ya go. The Biblical explanation in short. The Bible also states that we are to obey the laws of man.</p> <h3><a class="bibleref" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+13%3A1-5&amp;version=ESV">Romans 13:1-5</a><span class="note"> </span></h3> <p>Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. <br/><br/><br/>You asked for it with your little contrived picture. You got an answer I am sure you will try and construe. Try being the key word.<br/><br/>Check mate. Try again with a new game.</p> </blockquote> <p>oh <em>snap</em></p> </blockquote>
Kill A Man: Your core values tell
 you "thou shalt not kill"
 but your killing
 machine says
 "Shut up God,
 this is 'Merica!"
 Pew pew
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://moofles.tumblr.com/post/41734084815/gop-tea-pub-proudgayconservative-well">moofles</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://gop-tea-pub.tumblr.com/post/41733882076/proudgayconservative-well-actually-it-says">gop-tea-pub</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://proudgayconservative.tumblr.com/post/41731987426/well-actually-it-says-thou-shalt-not-murder-the">proudgayconservative</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Well actually it says “thou shalt not murder”, the hebrew word does not translate as kill.</p>
<p>There is a distinct difference between “kill” and “murder” even in our modern day legal system.</p>
<p>If I kill a man who is attempting to murder or rape or rob me, that is not murder. That is self-defense. Which is exactly why (along with hunting and sports) that most gun owners own weapons.</p>
<p>Congratulations for showing your stupidity again!</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Exodus 22:2-3</h2>
<p class="MsoQuote"><strong>Exodus 22:2-3</strong>  <sup>2</sup> “If the thief is found breaking in, and he is struck so that he dies, there shall be no guilt for his bloodshed.   <sup>3</sup> “<u>If the sun has risen on him</u>, there shall be guilt for his bloodshed.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are two cases here. In the first case, if someone breaks into your home at night, and you kill him, you are not held guilty of murder. You are not deserving of capital punishment. You do not need to flee to a city of refuge to preserve your life. The understanding is that at night, it is dark, and if someone has invaded your house, they do not announce if they are there merely to steal jewelry and tools. In the dark, you have no way of knowing if someone is coming to kidnap, to rape, or to murder. You are thus blameless if the criminal is killed in that situation. The passage does make it clear that if a man is breaking in at night with the intent of theft <em>or worse</em> (rape, murder, kidnapping, etc.), the defendant can righteously defend himself with lethal force to prevent the commission of the crime).  </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the second case, it says “if the sun has risen on him”, and you kill the intruder, you are guilty of his bloodshed.  The understanding is that in daytime, there is light, and you can discern the intentions of the home invader. The crime in question here is theft (“if the <strong>thief</strong>”). It is not legitimate to kill someone who is merely stealing your property. In creating civil laws, we see here that not all crimes are worthy of death.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the daytime, it is assumed that the intention of the intruder can be discerned. If he is a thief, he may not be killed by the defendant. However, if the intruder is there to commit a different crime—assault, murder, kidnapping, rape, etc.—different laws/rules would apply. Though the crime of theft is not worthy of death, kidnapping was worthy of death (Exodus 21:16, Deut. 24:7) as was murder.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Matthew Henry writes: “…if it was in the day-time that the thief was killed, he that killed him must be accountable for it, unless it was in the necessary defense of his own life. … We ought to be tender of the lives even of bad men; the magistrate must afford us redress, and we must not avenge ourselves.” <br/><br/></p>
<h1>Possession of weapons and skills with weapons a good and useful thing</h1>
<p class="MsoNormal">Having looked at a number of passages that deal with weapons and self-defense, let’s spend a little time discussing Scripture’s view of owning weapons and being skilled in their use. The imagery of weapon use and skill at weapons use is often employed in Scripture, and it is often portrayed as a positive or desirable thing. The Lord’s might is something good, and it is often depicted using martial terms (Zec. 9:14, Psa. 7:13, 18:14, 21:12, 64:7, Hab. 3:11, Deu 32:42, 2 Sam 22:15). The Scriptures are a sword (Eph. 6:17; Heb 4:12). A sword comes out of the mouth of Christ (Rev. 1:16, 2:16, 19:15).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Possession of weapons is never discouraged in Scripture. In fact, in 1Sam 13:19ff, it is negatively reported that no spears or swords were found in Israel because of the Philistines:</p>
<p class="MsoQuote"><strong>1 Samuel 13:19-22 </strong> <sup>9</sup> Now there was no blacksmith to be found throughout all the land of Israel, for the Philistines said, “Lest the Hebrews make swords or spears.”…  <sup>22</sup> So it came about, on the day of battle, that there was neither sword nor spear found in the hand of any of the people who were with Saul and Jonathan. But they were found with Saul and Jonathan his son.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let’s look at two verses from the Psalms:</p>
<p class="MsoQuote"><strong>Psalm 144:1</strong> Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:</p>
<p class="MsoQuote"><strong>Psalm 18:34 </strong>He teaches my hands to make war, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Skill and ability to use weapons here, whether literal and/or metaphorical, is positively portrayed in these verses.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Further, we have accounts of David, not a soldier, not a law enforcement officer, but a youth, employing ranged weapons skillfully (with God’s help) against bears and lions. This is domestic use of lethal weaponry, non-military use, with non-military training. The weapons used by young David are not “kiddie” slingshots. They are powerful enough to kill a bear and lion—in today’s market, we’re talking about a .44 magnum, not a .22, in the hands of someone too young to be in the army.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We might be tempted to think that was just for dealing with animals that could threaten sheep. But aren’t <em>humans</em> worth even <em>more</em> protection than sheep?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We understand that according to Scripture, in matters not of worship or church government, whatever is not forbidden is permitted. I’m not making a claim that ownership of weaponry for the purpose of self-defense is <em>required </em>of the believer. It is not required, but it is <em>permitted</em> by Scripture.</p>
<h2>Perspective</h2>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fourthly and finally, keep the right perspective on this. Though we see sanction and even a qualified directive from Christ to possess personal weapons, we must remember three points. First, in the remainder of the New Testament, we have no further examples of believers taking up the sword. Secondly, the emphasis in the remainder of the New Testament is decidedly <em>not</em> geared toward the issues of physical self-defense or righteous use of lethal force. Rather, we see more emphasis on Godly living, suffering affliction and persecution for Christ, and grasping the precious doctrines of Christ and the Gospel.  Thirdly, possession of weapons and acquiring the skill to use them in self-defense is permitted but not <em>required</em> by Scripture.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Believers should be conscious that personal self-defense is legitimatized by the Scriptures, just as the use of construction tools, cooking tools, transportation tools are legitimized by Scripture. And these matters of self-defense should hold in our minds and in our affections the same position as those other legitimate, but transitory, matters.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The tendency in some circles is to make the topic of self-defense of <em>primary importance</em>. Though heavenly beings do battle and render judgments with the sword, in the perfection pictured in both the garden of Eden and in the Heavenly city, the <em>primary</em> activities are fellowship with God, fellowship with His people, singing in worship, and living in peace.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><em>That</em> is our destination.<br/><br/>And there ya go. The Biblical explanation in short. The Bible also states that we are to obey the laws of man.</p>
<h3><a class="bibleref" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+13%3A1-5&amp;version=ESV">Romans 13:1-5</a><span class="note"> </span></h3>
<p>Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. <br/><br/><br/>You asked for it with your little contrived picture. You got an answer I am sure you will try and construe. Try being the key word.<br/><br/>Check mate. Try again with a new game.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>oh <em>snap</em></p>
</blockquote>

<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://moofles.tumblr.com/post/41734084815/gop-tea-pub-proudgayconservative-well">moofles</a>:</p> <block...