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When I Was
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🔥 | Latest

I Was Drunk: ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I tried to steal a large, expensive bottle of beer from a house I cleverly hid it by stuffing it into my pants. party I was attending. I knew there was only one thing I could do to make this right. But as I was saying goodbye... The bottle fell out and shattered on the ground. 0 SNASH T ran the hell away. Collegelumon ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... CollegeHumor I went online and became an ordained minister. This is the number one best idea. QUIKMINISTER.BIZ "Twice as holy for half the price!" SIGN UP TODAY! So now, when you sneeze, and I say "bless you"... It secretly means so much more. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I started doing magic tricks for all of the employees at a bar. Whether they wanted to see them or not. Whassat behind yer ear...? Ish... thish yer card? uh, yeah actually! It's a shot! A few months later, I went back to that bar, assuming that by now no one would remember my embarrasing magic show. But the bouncer recognized me... Yeah, you're the guy with all the magic tricks, right? Hey pal, don'tIknow you from somewhere? well I've got one say to you... thing to WE STILL TALK THAT WAS SO AWESOME! ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME! CollegeHumor ...He was a big fan. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I got super nauseous while I was riding in the car with friends so I barfed out the window, all over everyone in the back seat... ...and directly onto the windshield of the police car behind us. We got pulled over, and everyone in the car got a ticket... SPLAT!! CollegeHumon ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on. madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH
nsfw
I Was Drunk: ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I tried to steal a large, expensive
 bottle of beer from a house
 I cleverly hid it by stuffing
 it into my pants.
 party I was attending.
 I knew there was only
 one thing I could do
 to make this right.
 But as I was saying
 goodbye...
 The bottle fell out
 and shattered
 on the ground.
 0
 SNASH
 T ran the hell away.
 Collegelumon

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 CollegeHumor
 I went online and became an
 ordained minister.
 This is the number
 one best idea.
 QUIKMINISTER.BIZ
 "Twice as holy for
 half the price!"
 SIGN UP TODAY!
 So now, when you sneeze, and I
 say "bless you"...
 It secretly means so much more.

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I started doing magic tricks for
 all of the employees at a bar.
 Whether they wanted to see
 them or not.
 Whassat behind yer ear...?
 Ish... thish yer card?
 uh, yeah actually!
 It's a shot!
 A few months later, I went back to that bar,
 assuming that by now no one would remember
 my embarrasing magic show.
 But the bouncer recognized me...
 Yeah, you're the guy with all
 the magic tricks, right?
 Hey pal, don'tIknow you from
 somewhere?
 well I've got one
 say to you...
 thing to
 WE STILL TALK
 THAT WAS SO AWESOME!
 ABOUT IT ALL
 THE TIME!
 CollegeHumor
 ...He was a
 big fan.

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I got super nauseous while I was
 riding in the car with friends
 so I barfed out the window, all
 over everyone in the back seat...
 ...and directly onto the
 windshield of the police car
 behind us.
 We got pulled over, and
 everyone in the car got a ticket...
 SPLAT!!
 CollegeHumon
 ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on.
madamebomb:

pr1nceshawn:

One time, when I was drunk…

THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

I Was Drunk: Excuse generator Use your birthday to generate an excuse January February March April May June 16 I don't give a shit 17 I was drunk I'm sorry I'm soooo sorry Honestly... You know what? 1 I didn't feel like it 2 forgot 3 I rewatched GBBO 18 It was far too boring 19 I just found out l'm a ghost instead 4 I watched porn instead 20 My dong was too itchy 5 I do what I want Hey, fuck you buddy Don't look at me like that It won't happen again, but 21 I spent the night learning to 6 *points at crotch* 7 I have diarrhoea riverdance 22 It's none of your concern! ul 8 My fucking dog ate it 23 Your expectations are too high 9 Homework is for dicks 24 You're not the boss of me 10 It's none of your August Look me in the eye September You know why, Bob?! October For the last time November think you know December You wanna know why 25 I am filled with existential angst 26 I'm too cool for this shit. business. 11 I've been thinking a lot 27 My STls are acting up 28 My bed is too comfortable 29 Why don't you ask your mum about Brexit I didn't do your stupid 12 Yolo. Yolo 13 I'm not a dork 14 Shut up, that's why. 15 l have a life why I didn't do it? SM.S 30 It would have been shit anyway. 31 I didn't feel like doing something STUDENT MONEY SAVER dumb today imstuckathome12: xxxxarachnidsgripxxxx: green-cryptid: mystical-blue-jellyfish: wanderinglilweirdo: tiggyloo: cutie-quinn: sky-uppercunt: ryannandreww: edgarahoe: apathbetweenthestars: dontkillbirds: brutusfeels: doodle-dumpingground: madd-of-the-dead: the-regeneratin-degenerate: foxrat: “it wont happen again, but your expectations are too high” what kind of morbid ass shit is that “I think you know I was drunk” daaamn that’s so accurate to me “It wont happen again bit it would have been shit anyways” this is a bullshit excuse that I would def use “Look me in the eyes… I am filled with existential angst”Now I don’t use excuses often, but this is one of the greatest things I have ever heard XD Hey fuck you buddy I’m filled with existential angst is a goodun Hey don’t look at me like that, I just found out I’m a ghost! Don’t look at me like that.  My bed is too comfortable. “You know what? I have diarrhea.” “Honestly…it’s none of your business “ For the last time i watched GBBO instead Oh gosh, august 4th I think I win with “for the last time, I don’t give a shit” “You know why, Bob? Shut up, that’s why!” …..i love it “I’m soooo sorry. I was drunk.” The first part seems fitting though. But I never was drunk, never drank alcohol. And I will never drink it. hey fuck you buddy it would have been shit anyways im sooo sorry. Shut up that’s why. Im sooo sorry im filled with existential angst “You know what? I have a life.” So savage, damn-
I Was Drunk: Excuse generator
 Use your birthday to generate an excuse
 January
 February
 March
 April
 May
 June
 16 I don't give a shit
 17 I was drunk
 I'm sorry
 I'm soooo sorry
 Honestly...
 You know what?
 1 I didn't feel like it
 2 forgot
 3 I rewatched GBBO
 18 It was far too boring
 19 I just found out l'm a ghost
 instead
 4 I watched porn instead 20 My dong was too itchy
 5 I do what I want
 Hey, fuck you buddy
 Don't look at me like
 that
 It won't happen again,
 but
 21 I spent the night learning to
 6 *points at crotch*
 7 I have diarrhoea
 riverdance
 22 It's none of your concern!
 ul
 8 My fucking dog ate it 23 Your expectations are too high
 9 Homework is for dicks 24 You're not the boss of me
 10 It's none of your
 August Look me in the eye
 September You know why, Bob?!
 October For the last time
 November think you know
 December You wanna know why
 25 I am filled with existential angst
 26 I'm too cool for this shit.
 business.
 11 I've been thinking a lot 27 My STls are acting up
 28 My bed is too comfortable
 29 Why don't you ask your mum
 about Brexit
 I didn't do your stupid
 12 Yolo. Yolo
 13 I'm not a dork
 14 Shut up, that's why.
 15 l have a life
 why I didn't do it?
 SM.S
 30 It would have been shit anyway.
 31 I didn't feel like doing something
 STUDENT MONEY SAVER
 dumb today
imstuckathome12:

xxxxarachnidsgripxxxx:

green-cryptid:

mystical-blue-jellyfish:
wanderinglilweirdo:


tiggyloo:

cutie-quinn:

sky-uppercunt:


ryannandreww:


edgarahoe:


apathbetweenthestars:


dontkillbirds:

brutusfeels:


doodle-dumpingground:


madd-of-the-dead:

the-regeneratin-degenerate:

foxrat:
“it wont happen again, but your expectations are too high” what kind of morbid ass shit is that

“I think you know I was drunk” daaamn that’s so accurate to me


“It wont happen again bit it would have been shit anyways” this is a bullshit excuse that I would def use

“Look me in the eyes… I am filled with existential angst”Now I don’t use excuses often, but this is one of the greatest things I have ever heard XD


Hey fuck you buddy I’m filled with existential angst is a goodun


Hey don’t look at me like that, I just found out I’m a ghost!

Don’t look at me like that.  My bed is too comfortable.


“You know what? I have diarrhea.”


“Honestly…it’s none of your business “


For the last time i watched GBBO instead


Oh gosh, august 4th


I think I win with “for the last time, I don’t give a shit”

“You know why, Bob? Shut up, that’s why!”
…..i love it


“I’m soooo sorry. I was drunk.” 
The first part seems fitting though. But I never was drunk, never drank alcohol. And I will never drink it. 

hey fuck you buddy it would have been shit anyways

im sooo sorry. Shut up that’s why.

Im sooo sorry im filled with existential angst

“You know what? I have a life.” So savage, damn-

imstuckathome12: xxxxarachnidsgripxxxx: green-cryptid: mystical-blue-jellyfish: wanderinglilweirdo: tiggyloo: cutie-quinn: sky-upp...

I Was Drunk: We Was Lit Af For The Show I Was Drunk Asl Wanna Thank Everybody For Popping Out We Had So Much Fun We Had To Sections That’s How Deep We Was 🌊🏄🏾🖤😎🔥😈
I Was Drunk: We Was Lit Af For The Show I Was Drunk Asl Wanna Thank Everybody For Popping Out We Had So Much Fun We Had To Sections That’s How Deep We Was 🌊🏄🏾🖤😎🔥😈

We Was Lit Af For The Show I Was Drunk Asl Wanna Thank Everybody For Popping Out We Had So Much Fun We Had To Sections That’s How Deep We...

I Was Drunk: Excuse generator Use your birthday to generate an excuse January February March April May June 16 I don't give a shit 17 I was drunk I'm sorry I'm soooo sorry Honestly... You know what? 1 I didn't feel like it 2 forgot 3 I rewatched GBBO 18 It was far too boring 19 I just found out l'm a ghost instead 4 I watched porn instead 20 My dong was too itchy 5 I do what I want Hey, fuck you buddy Don't look at me like that It won't happen again, but 21 I spent the night learning to 6 *points at crotch* 7 I have diarrhoea riverdance 22 It's none of your concern! ul 8 My fucking dog ate it 23 Your expectations are too high 9 Homework is for dicks 24 You're not the boss of me 10 It's none of your August Look me in the eye September You know why, Bob?! October For the last time November think you know December You wanna know why 25 I am filled with existential angst 26 I'm too cool for this shit. business. 11 I've been thinking a lot 27 My STls are acting up 28 My bed is too comfortable 29 Why don't you ask your mum about Brexit I didn't do your stupid 12 Yolo. Yolo 13 I'm not a dork 14 Shut up, that's why. 15 l have a life why I didn't do it? SM.S 30 It would have been shit anyway. 31 I didn't feel like doing something STUDENT MONEY SAVER dumb today queenof-theclouds14: late-to-everything: fatmomsgetfit: I think “Hey, fuck you, buddy. I spent the night learning to riverdance,” is going to be my go-to excuse for everything, now. –AW Hey, fuck you buddy. Shut up, that’s why. I am not this hostile what is this sorcery  You know what? I don’t give a shit You know what? I watched porn instead. is the most accurate fucking thing Ive ever gotten out of these things
I Was Drunk: Excuse generator
 Use your birthday to generate an excuse
 January
 February
 March
 April
 May
 June
 16 I don't give a shit
 17 I was drunk
 I'm sorry
 I'm soooo sorry
 Honestly...
 You know what?
 1 I didn't feel like it
 2 forgot
 3 I rewatched GBBO
 18 It was far too boring
 19 I just found out l'm a ghost
 instead
 4 I watched porn instead 20 My dong was too itchy
 5 I do what I want
 Hey, fuck you buddy
 Don't look at me like
 that
 It won't happen again,
 but
 21 I spent the night learning to
 6 *points at crotch*
 7 I have diarrhoea
 riverdance
 22 It's none of your concern!
 ul
 8 My fucking dog ate it 23 Your expectations are too high
 9 Homework is for dicks 24 You're not the boss of me
 10 It's none of your
 August Look me in the eye
 September You know why, Bob?!
 October For the last time
 November think you know
 December You wanna know why
 25 I am filled with existential angst
 26 I'm too cool for this shit.
 business.
 11 I've been thinking a lot 27 My STls are acting up
 28 My bed is too comfortable
 29 Why don't you ask your mum
 about Brexit
 I didn't do your stupid
 12 Yolo. Yolo
 13 I'm not a dork
 14 Shut up, that's why.
 15 l have a life
 why I didn't do it?
 SM.S
 30 It would have been shit anyway.
 31 I didn't feel like doing something
 STUDENT MONEY SAVER
 dumb today
queenof-theclouds14:

late-to-everything:
fatmomsgetfit:
I think “Hey, fuck you, buddy. I spent the night learning to riverdance,” is going to be my go-to excuse for everything, now. –AW
Hey, fuck you buddy. Shut up, that’s why.
I am not this hostile what is this sorcery 

You know what? I don’t give a shit

You know what? I watched porn instead. is the most accurate fucking thing Ive ever gotten out of these things

queenof-theclouds14: late-to-everything: fatmomsgetfit: I think “Hey, fuck you, buddy. I spent the night learning to riverdance,” is goi...

I Was Drunk: <p><a href="http://deerthing.tumblr.com/post/157028408476/boyswanna-be-her-youremybrandnewday" class="tumblr_blog">deerthing</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://boyswanna-be-her.tumblr.com/post/156387007152/youremybrandnewday-boyswanna-be-her-this" class="tumblr_blog">boyswanna-be-her</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://youremybrandnewday.tumblr.com/post/156331646840/boyswanna-be-her-this-picture-i-took-of-hector" class="tumblr_blog">youremybrandnewday</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://boyswanna-be-her.tumblr.com/post/155673008932/this-picture-i-took-of-hector-while-i-was-drunk" class="tumblr_blog">boyswanna-be-her</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>This picture i took of hector while i was drunk last night looks like a damn renaissance painting</p></blockquote> <p>Hector</p> </blockquote> <p>Hector</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="486" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/cbcf95d363d0d5b50237f7cb2713ef74/tumblr_inline_ol4h3orBYU1qduc5t_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ea691b736b34c8a7b54bca4589b2a568/tumblr_inline_p11flzIx8h1r8ky5d_540.jpg" data-orig-height="486" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/cbcf95d363d0d5b50237f7cb2713ef74/tumblr_inline_ol4h3orBYU1qduc5t_540.jpg"/></figure><p>georges de la tour, <i>la madeleine a la hector, </i>1640<br/></p> </blockquote>
I Was Drunk: <p><a href="http://deerthing.tumblr.com/post/157028408476/boyswanna-be-her-youremybrandnewday" class="tumblr_blog">deerthing</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="http://boyswanna-be-her.tumblr.com/post/156387007152/youremybrandnewday-boyswanna-be-her-this" class="tumblr_blog">boyswanna-be-her</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://youremybrandnewday.tumblr.com/post/156331646840/boyswanna-be-her-this-picture-i-took-of-hector" class="tumblr_blog">youremybrandnewday</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://boyswanna-be-her.tumblr.com/post/155673008932/this-picture-i-took-of-hector-while-i-was-drunk" class="tumblr_blog">boyswanna-be-her</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>This picture i took of hector while i was drunk last night looks like a damn renaissance painting</p></blockquote>

<p>Hector</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Hector</p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="486" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/cbcf95d363d0d5b50237f7cb2713ef74/tumblr_inline_ol4h3orBYU1qduc5t_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/ea691b736b34c8a7b54bca4589b2a568/tumblr_inline_p11flzIx8h1r8ky5d_540.jpg" data-orig-height="486" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/cbcf95d363d0d5b50237f7cb2713ef74/tumblr_inline_ol4h3orBYU1qduc5t_540.jpg"/></figure><p>georges de la tour, <i>la madeleine a la hector, </i>1640<br/></p>
</blockquote>

<p><a href="http://deerthing.tumblr.com/post/157028408476/boyswanna-be-her-youremybrandnewday" class="tumblr_blog">deerthing</a>:</p><blo...

I Was Drunk: 20 Students Were Asked "What's The Laziest Thing You've Ever Done? Some Of These Answers Are Pure Genius 1. Called the restaurant to send the waiter back to my table 2. I have a dog and a cat, and I HATE sleeping with the door open. Sometimes dog wants to sleep in the bedroom, sometimes dog wants to sleep outside the bedroom. But he never decides until I'm comfy in bed. Solution? Keep a laser pointer on my nightstand. Once dog decides where he's sleeping, I'll shine the laser pointer on the door so that my cat paws it closed. It has now become a routine that my cat will wait by the door for the laser before laying down 3. Shot 10 Nerf darts at my light switch, from bed. Missed all of them and slept with the lights on 4. I downloaded a movie instead of going 5. Drove to class. Escalators up to third floor 6. Not me, but a buddy of mine was laying in upstairs to grab the DVD classroom were broken. Went home. bed one morning. Picked his nose and had no where to put it put it back in his nose 7. I tried to skip to the good part of a 33 second Youtube video 8. TV remote was2 feet out of reach, so l downloaded the remote control app instead. 9. I once watched 2 hours of antique roadshow because the cat jumped up in front of the TV sensor as I was flicking through channels and fell asleep 10. Used to have one of those 'clap on, clap off lights in my room. I hated clapping so I just made an audio recording of me clapping and mapped it to one of the programmable keys on my keyboard 11. I had BBQ sauce on my cheek at a restaurant. Rather than get up to grab a napkin, I used a piece of bread to wipe it off and then ate it 12. Attached my dog's leash to my RC monster truck car and walked her around the cul-de-sac with it... all from the comfort of my living room 13. I always heat things in the microwave for 1:11 or 2:22 because I'm too lazy to move my fingers to the 0 before I hit start. 14. I was drunk one night and decided the bathroom was too far away. So I peed in my cats litter box. Didn't feel like cleaning it up in the morning so I just threw the whole litter box in the garbage 15. My roommate and I arranged our dorm room to be "lazy-capable." One person was able to reach the mini fridge and light switch from her bed, and the other could reach the the window and AC/ heat from her bed.. we never fought again 16. Eating my food directly from the pot to eliminate dishes. I hate washing dishes 17. Spent a half hour searching for a torrent to download a textbook that I had left in another room 18. Washed bed sheets. Didn't put the sheets on till 2 months later. 19. I purchased a 1000 pack of disposable plates and cutlery 20. My dishes were piling up in my dorm room and they were starting to smell a bit. I didn't want to wash them yet, so I sprayed them with febreze Whats the laziest thing you have ever done? This is hilarious
I Was Drunk: 20 Students Were Asked "What's
 The Laziest Thing You've Ever
 Done? Some Of These Answers
 Are Pure Genius
 1. Called the restaurant to send the waiter back
 to my table
 2. I have a dog and a cat, and I HATE sleeping
 with the door open. Sometimes dog wants to
 sleep in the bedroom, sometimes dog wants to
 sleep outside the bedroom. But he never decides
 until I'm comfy in bed. Solution? Keep a laser
 pointer on my nightstand. Once dog decides
 where he's sleeping, I'll shine the laser pointer on
 the door so that my cat paws it closed. It has
 now become a routine that my cat will wait by
 the door for the laser before laying down
 3. Shot 10 Nerf darts at my light switch, from
 bed. Missed all of them and slept with the lights
 on
 4. I downloaded a movie instead of going
 5. Drove to class. Escalators up to third floor
 6. Not me, but a buddy of mine was laying in
 upstairs to grab the DVD
 classroom were broken. Went home.
 bed one morning. Picked his nose and had no
 where to put it put it back in his nose
 7. I tried to skip to the good part of a 33 second
 Youtube video
 8. TV remote was2 feet out of reach, so l
 downloaded the remote control app instead.
 9. I once watched 2 hours of antique roadshow
 because the cat jumped up in front of the TV
 sensor as I was flicking through channels and fell
 asleep
 10. Used to have one of those 'clap on, clap off
 lights in my room. I hated clapping so I just made
 an audio recording of me clapping and mapped it
 to one of the programmable keys on my
 keyboard
 11. I had BBQ sauce on my cheek at a restaurant.
 Rather than get up to grab a napkin, I used a
 piece of bread to wipe it off and then ate it
 12. Attached my dog's leash to my RC monster
 truck car and walked her around the cul-de-sac
 with it... all from the comfort of my living room
 13. I always heat things in the microwave for 1:11
 or 2:22 because I'm too lazy to move my fingers
 to the 0 before I hit start.
 14. I was drunk one night and decided the
 bathroom was too far away. So I peed in my cats
 litter box. Didn't feel like cleaning it up in the
 morning so I just threw the whole litter box in
 the garbage
 15. My roommate and I arranged our dorm room
 to be "lazy-capable." One person was able to
 reach the mini fridge and light switch from her
 bed, and the other could reach the the window
 and AC/ heat from her bed.. we never fought
 again
 16. Eating my food directly from the pot to
 eliminate dishes. I hate washing dishes
 17. Spent a half hour searching for a torrent to
 download a textbook that I had left in another
 room
 18. Washed bed sheets. Didn't put the sheets on
 till 2 months later.
 19. I purchased a 1000 pack of disposable plates
 and cutlery
 20. My dishes were piling up in my dorm room
 and they were starting to smell a bit. I didn't
 want to wash them yet, so I sprayed them with
 febreze
Whats the laziest thing you have ever done? This is hilarious

Whats the laziest thing you have ever done? This is hilarious