Hawaiian Memes
Socks With Sandals
Socks With Sandals

Socks With Sandals

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 surfing

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fastly

fastly

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oceaneering

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ons
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Ass, Disney, and Dude: WELL, WHO WANTS TO WORK AT THIS STUPID... FAKEY LUAU ANYWAY angrynebula: brunhiddensmusings: lady-violaceous: lyrangalia: oakumura: gnarly-art: Lilo and Stitch presenting an accurate representation of Hawaiians perspective on luaus held by tourists.  #what’s sad about this is that this is actually what Hawaiians had to do when the western culture took over #a luau was a sacred practice #until the westerners took the concept and had the audacity to change it into a time to stuff your face with food and put on grass skirts and coconut bras and dance the hula #and when they had these events, they didn’t even let actual Hawaiian people in #so to make money to take care of themselves, the Hawaiians were hired to work in these disgraceful events to clean up after the tourists like slaves only to make less than a buck #so good job disney for doing your fucking research and educating these people #sadly, this still goes on even until today and it makes me sick “good job disney” my ass, good job CHRIS SANDERS Let’s not credit just Chris Sanders for this. This happened because they cast actual Hawaiian Actors like Tia Carrere and Jason Scott Lee to play Hawaiian characters, and allowed the actors to have input into writing the characters’ lines.  This sort of authenticity comes from accuracy and authenticity in casting choices. The fact that Chris Sanders as direct/writer facilitated that does not mean he gets credit for the actors’ experience. This is why diversity and representation in media matters. Dude as a hawaiian, this is like straight up what my life as a kid was. My mom worked at those fakey luaus full time to pay rent. My mom is someone who is absolutely passionate and proud about being a hawaiian, living and teaching the ways our ancestors lived and taught. See, we Hawaiians, we live by the way of aloha. And not by the way of “hello” “goodbye”, let me educate you. As Pono Shim, CEO and President of Enterprise Honolulu, the Oahu Economic Development Board, states absolutely perfectly “aloha is to be in the presence of life, to share the essence of one’s being with openness, honesty, and humility. It is a way of being, a way of behaving, a way of life. It is a commitment to accepting others and giving dignity to who they are and what they have to offer.” Aloha is more than hello and goodbye. Think of aloha as an abbreviation. Akahai: meaning kindness Lokahi: meaning unity Olu’Olu’: meaning agreeableness Ha’aha’a: meaning humility Ahonui: meaning patience This is something we all need to live by, seriously, we all should the dropped sub-plot was that lilo hated tourists, which is why she goes around taking pictures of them like they were attractions instead of people; like how they took photos of locals similarly there was a deleted scene where she scares tourists off of a beach by sounding a false tsunami siren to watch them run screamingdeeper in the lore that kid thats a prick to her, mertyle, is the daughter of the person who runs the megamart and crushed a lot of other local businesses- when they have to do a hula to tell a story mertyle actually uses it to describe the low prices, where lilo does a hula about a traditional creation myth that was important to her mother. you may notice both lilo and nani are on first name basis with both the coffee shop owner and the fruitseller, there is big disparity between the locals and foreign interest businesses relegating them to just be tourist industry friendly reminder that lilo stitch is indisputably the best disney film
Ass, Disney, and Dude: WELL, WHO WANTS TO WORK
 AT THIS STUPID...

 FAKEY LUAU ANYWAY
angrynebula:

brunhiddensmusings:

lady-violaceous:

lyrangalia:

oakumura:

gnarly-art:

Lilo and Stitch presenting an accurate representation of Hawaiians perspective on luaus held by tourists. 

#what’s sad about this is that this is actually what Hawaiians had to do when the western culture took over #a luau was a sacred practice #until the westerners took the concept and had the audacity to change it into a time to stuff your face with food and put on grass skirts and coconut bras and dance the hula #and when they had these events, they didn’t even let actual Hawaiian people in #so to make money to take care of themselves, the Hawaiians were hired to work in these disgraceful events to clean up after the tourists like slaves only to make less than a buck #so good job disney for doing your fucking research and educating these people #sadly, this still goes on even until today and it makes me sick


“good job disney” my ass, good job CHRIS SANDERS

Let’s not credit just Chris Sanders for this. This happened because they cast actual Hawaiian Actors like Tia Carrere and Jason Scott Lee to play Hawaiian characters, and allowed the actors to have input into writing the characters’ lines. 
This sort of authenticity comes from accuracy and authenticity in casting choices. The fact that Chris Sanders as direct/writer facilitated that does not mean he gets credit for the actors’ experience.
This is why diversity and representation in media matters.

Dude as a hawaiian, this is like straight up what my life as a kid was. My mom worked at those fakey luaus full time to pay rent. My mom is someone who is absolutely passionate and proud about being a hawaiian, living and teaching the ways our ancestors lived and taught.

See, we Hawaiians, we live by the way of aloha. And not by the way of “hello” “goodbye”, let me educate you. As Pono Shim, CEO and President of Enterprise Honolulu, the Oahu Economic Development Board, states absolutely perfectly “aloha is to be in the presence of life, to share the essence of one’s being with openness, honesty, and humility. It is a way of being, a way of behaving, a way of life. It is a commitment to accepting others and giving dignity to who they are and what they have to offer.” Aloha is more than hello and goodbye. Think of aloha as an abbreviation.

Akahai: meaning kindness
Lokahi: meaning unity
Olu’Olu’: meaning agreeableness
Ha’aha’a: meaning humility
Ahonui: meaning patience

This is something we all need to live by, seriously, we all should 

the dropped sub-plot was that lilo hated tourists, which is why she goes around taking pictures of them like they were attractions instead of people; like how they took photos of locals
similarly there was a deleted scene where she scares tourists off of a beach by sounding a false tsunami siren to watch them run screamingdeeper in the lore that kid thats a prick to her, mertyle, is the daughter of the person who runs the megamart and crushed a lot of other local businesses- when they have to do a hula to tell a story mertyle actually uses it to describe the low prices, where lilo does a hula about a traditional creation myth that was important to her mother. you may notice both lilo and nani are on first name basis with both the coffee shop owner and the fruitseller, there is big disparity between the locals and foreign interest businesses relegating them to just be tourist industry

friendly reminder that lilo  stitch is indisputably the best disney film

angrynebula: brunhiddensmusings: lady-violaceous: lyrangalia: oakumura: gnarly-art: Lilo and Stitch presenting an accurate representat...

Advice, Being Alone, and Amazon: Positive feedback makes me write more. And writing more makes me a better writer. I've received a fair amount of negative comments, and EVERY one of them has simply made me give up writing for a while. Sometimes months Anonymous asked: Honestly I appreclate what you've been saying about unsolicited comments an fic b/c when I was small & first started writing fic - I didn't speak English very well my 1st language ls Hawaiian Pidgin which uses some English words but they're spelled VERY differently & the grammar is VERY different & anyways I was lke a tiny child getting roasted by grown adults In the comments of my fic for spellingigrammar & it wasn't helpful It just made me an Insecure writer.I dan't write fic anymore i have literally never had good I once had a "concritter" on ff.net fail to understand the difference between Amazon reviews and fanfic reviews/comments. She used the existence of the former to justify being harsh in the latter. And l could not get her to comprehend that Amazon reviews are not the same thing as fanfic reviews #stop hurting us for your own personal ego trip if you've ever wondered why i stopped writing, it's because of exactly this. i was in a highly emotionally fragile place, writing was one of my very few healthy cathartic outlets, and one person too many decided to be 'helpful in the comments #but the one time I got a lot of negative feedback on something I posted #it stuck #it hurt #it ruined my entire day Hand bled into the rest of my week #now this was multiple people writing paragraph on how I was wrong and #something that hits home this week an have #1 dont care if they think my writing sucks #but they didnt need to share it lose to home ause all theyve done is mad and made sure ill never touch tha delete arac or fear of the se people coming after me #ionly got a couple of negative reviews but i thought about them long after l should have yeah. It didn't drive me out of the Sterek fandom. But it could have, very easily Ten years previous it almost certainly would have, because belleve me, before I was on anxlety medication, that sort of comment would have left me in a spiral for weeks. #see actually this is why I'm not writing currently and like that really made me deflate and not wanna work on the next fic #idk #dumb petty problems #I'm still a little sad about it #I'll admit that I ta te harshly -even if it's worded well #1 was almost put off writing fic forever when the forst fic i ever posted got scathingly-picked apart and l was he #l thought I was a terrible writer and never wanted to post fic again #really tho #i didn't write more tsyl for months bc of one horrible review 've gotten very tired of comments #tired and leery eaction now is more on't wan #just #sigh -don't get me wrong! #1 leay hell alone #it's not fun at all like 98% of why I'm on a03 mainly now ere so many lovely people on fnet cause there were who seem in something because i enjoy writing #like #what #why #all of this -particularly the constructive criticism section #don't be a dick -fanfic problems #and things like that are why I barely write for that ship now very important #(and a huge reason i can't bring myself to keep writing a story I'm very #-because someone wrote a nasty comment on a couple of chapters and ican't get past that) #all of my fics have been beta read by 2-3 ppl on't want any unsolicited opinions ove #as much as i wrote this fic with my whole soul #if I'm happy with it then it doesnt matter -I don't care/ #actual criticism is har arranted its impossible to just appreciate it and being a beta fjust throwing in a sentence about how you didnt like one thing or one fact is wrong isnt actually helping most of the time #and forgive my arrogant ass but unless I specifically asked for your negative critique m not gonna trust what you say anyway always despis #1 en ad to pass our papers around the class for people to metaphorically rip apart #agreed #iam the same #if I dont ask for critique then dont do it pls even if you are being good mannered #if I want critiques i will ask someone spe #if I'm looki ing for constructive feedback # why are you telling me about a perceived plot hole in a 104k word fic #pst it wasnt a plot hole I did th npurpose cknowledge given that we've gotter having free fic #some don't want to improve! #maybe in a broad sense yes #if I knit a blanket and give it as a gift none of these autho you improvement #1 don't want the only thing out of the recipien ! #that's just shitty you were given a gift ay someo tiny comment alon in it wasn't that bad actually othered m #even if they specifically told me that they liked it #it took an 11 friend's comment about it for me to let it go and be at peace #they knew enoug different culture #someone might get 99 praises flame) that stays with them #1 have a pretty good ego about my writing eta readers sometimes an en ис #there's plenty of stuff i wouldn't share online simply because the criticism ould hu on away from my passion #this #this so much #i accept criticism from very few people #because they know how to tell it to me #even if sometimes it does sting #1 trust these people to know what is missing/lacking/bad about my writing ince i have asked for it ont wa m when i finally post my stories #1 just wanna know if people have lik #1 don't care #clearly it wasn't written for you #the improvemen one reason only #because I've kept writing- and reading) #I've honed my skilled by myself ed them #ifn ot #don't tell me ar een made for ou can say something nice about thi for a friend and spent years of my life on for you can shut up i feel like these are the pe writing workshop #they need to grow the fuck up are forever stuck in their creat #and get out of our comment sections #well i am glad someone thinks this way! #1 always feel bad for wanting po sitive feedback #1 don't mind people asking me questions #and I don't always mind comments about how i've improved #but god it pisses me off when you point out typoes y own editing bc i don't always use a beta -and that's it #fin e?? #I'm doing this for free fuck off ffanfiction #i get that people want to be helpful Abut you're supposed to ask if your help is needed for wait for your help to be requested hank you #im so shy abot my writing and then i got a comment that started hmmm dove into all the things they didnt like and thought ishpuld an change Hand genuinely i wasnt sure theyd even read it because this stuff was so backward ho did it make me feel shit #It's true #1ike if you wanna give it to me then ask and I'll be okay probably but someone else might not be #and goddamn it's for fun #THANKYOU #slow clap e number of time pent all day obsessing over mean little #mood #im dealing with this rn and it's pissing me off Hunless you're someone I Actually Know #then fuck off in # agree so much with this #and I get shit over it occasionally #but honestly #I'm not a published author #this isnt my job it's just a bit of fun #and I am not about that negativity #let me play in peace #some people think their opinion or correction is SO to be said great that it just HAS as i #as if they are fucking experts on antic #1 don't care if you are an editor in real life #if you aren't my beta #keep your mouth shut on concrit #it's simple #really much #people can tell me all they want about my spelling errors at opinion is somehow (because there's always one or two) #and i-don't care #im not tDing it #especially not spending hours writing #yes this #i'm not a native speaker and I already know i make mistakes #so give us a break 1 still posted the thing for you #fanfiction #I'm honestly probably never going to write fanfic ever again #you'll never catch me writing TW fic ever again #I've learned my lesson I have peopleI take my work to for critique. Serious critique. I want that criticism, and to be better. If l post something and don't say it's in some level of a finished form or hey let me know what you think, probably best to assume I'm not looking for your red pen insight in my inbox. literally like, I got my first comment on a fic a while back that wasn't just keysmashing or compliments or wtv, it was literally just advice, but it hit me like a sack of bricks to the face and lost the will to continue the fic I was working on when I read that comment my mood plummeted off a cliff in the span of a couple sentences. This is pretty Rich actually, because l have had my life destroyed by online Critics on stories I just posted for fun Thank you, Kedreeva. This is also how I feel when my partner tries to give me concrit on my Overwatch game play. I didn't ask you for concrit. Please leave me alone. You're ruining my fun thing by turning it into homework. Unsolicited concrit is entitled wank #honestly keep it to your damn selves # constructive criticism is a huge part of why I don't fucking write anymore ck off with that shit #I've seen too many writers give up tAnd stop writing few a ss holes who thought they needed to tell these people that they didn't like their story for some reason #1m sometimes still thinking about that one Concrit comment I got years ago #important #fanfiction #writing #criticism #that's one of the reasons I never write sterek again #whereas with my writing? Dont -please #even if y #1m going to remember the one inconsequential bad thing #AT MOST you can point out like a spelling error or two #but honestly don't bother if I missed them on the proof then I probably don't care enough to edit it again ou leave the nicest comme nt otherwis NOW #as someone who writes #i hate hate hate concrit on works that are posted unless I've specifically asked for more bad that im s ometimes way too much of a wimp when it comes to concrit #Tbh I'm very wary of criticism #I've had most people do it in a way that negatively affected the way I see my work #Asking first is a wonderful way to go about it! kedreeva: When I say “writers don’t want your unsolicited criticism” and “leaving unsolicited criticism on fanfiction hurts writers” THIS is what I mean. This isn’t even all of them, this is just from a FEW posts on the subject. Read through these, and then look me in the eyes and say you’re ~helping writers~ by leaving that criticizing comment on someone’s fic when they didn’t ask you to. You’re hurting or, at best, annoying us. You’re hurting fandom. You’re not helping us.
Advice, Being Alone, and Amazon: Positive feedback makes me
 write more. And writing more
 makes me a better writer. I've
 received a fair amount of
 negative comments, and
 EVERY one of them has
 simply made me give up
 writing for a while. Sometimes
 months
 Anonymous asked: Honestly I
 appreclate what you've been saying
 about unsolicited comments an fic b/c
 when I was small & first started
 writing fic - I didn't speak English
 very well my 1st language ls
 Hawaiian Pidgin which uses some
 English words but they're spelled
 VERY differently & the grammar is
 VERY different & anyways I was lke a
 tiny child getting roasted by grown
 adults In the comments of my fic for
 spellingigrammar & it wasn't helpful
 It just made me an Insecure writer.I
 dan't write fic anymore
 i have literally never had good
 I once had a "concritter" on
 ff.net fail to understand the
 difference between
 Amazon reviews and fanfic
 reviews/comments. She
 used the existence of the
 former to justify being
 harsh in the latter. And l
 could not get her to
 comprehend that Amazon
 reviews are not the same
 thing as fanfic reviews
 #stop hurting us for your own personal ego trip
 if you've ever wondered
 why i stopped writing, it's
 because of exactly this. i
 was in a highly emotionally
 fragile place, writing was
 one of my very few healthy
 cathartic outlets, and one
 person too many decided
 to be 'helpful in the
 comments
 #but the one time I got a lot of negative feedback on something I posted
 #it stuck #it hurt #it ruined my entire day
 Hand bled into the rest of my week
 #now this was multiple people writing paragraph on how I was wrong and
 #something that hits home this week
 an have
 #1 dont care if they think my writing sucks
 #but they didnt need to share it
 lose to home
 ause all theyve done is mad
 and made sure ill never touch tha
 delete
 arac
 or fear of the
 se
 people coming after me
 #ionly got a couple of negative reviews but i thought about them long
 after l should have
 yeah. It didn't drive me out of the Sterek fandom. But it could have, very easily
 Ten years previous it almost certainly would have, because belleve me, before
 I was on anxlety medication, that sort of comment would have left me in a
 spiral for weeks.
 #see actually this is why I'm not writing currently
 and like that really made me deflate and not wanna work on the next fic
 #idk #dumb petty problems #I'm still a little sad about it
 #I'll admit that I ta
 te harshly
 -even if it's worded well
 #1 was almost put off writing fic forever when the forst fic i ever posted got
 scathingly-picked apart
 and l was
 he
 #l thought I was a terrible writer and never wanted to post fic again
 #really tho
 #i didn't write more tsyl for months bc of one horrible review

 've gotten very tired of comments
 #tired and leery
 eaction now is more
 on't wan
 #just
 #sigh
 -don't get me wrong!
 #1
 leay
 hell alone
 #it's not fun at all
 like 98% of why I'm on a03 mainly now
 ere so many lovely people on fnet
 cause there were
 who seem
 in
 something because i enjoy writing
 #like #what #why
 #all of this -particularly the constructive criticism section
 #don't be a dick -fanfic problems
 #and things like that are why I barely write for that ship now
 very important
 #(and a huge reason i can't bring myself to keep writing a story I'm very
 #-because someone wrote a nasty comment on a couple of chapters and
 ican't get past that)
 #all of my fics have been beta read by 2-3 ppl
 on't want any unsolicited opinions
 ove
 #as much as i wrote this fic with my whole soul
 #if I'm happy with it then it doesnt matter
 -I don't care/
 #actual criticism is har
 arranted its impossible to just appreciate it
 and being a beta
 fjust throwing in a sentence about how you didnt like one thing or one
 fact is wrong isnt actually helping most of the time
 #and forgive my arrogant ass but unless I specifically asked for your
 negative critique
 m not gonna trust what you say anyway
 always despis
 #1
 en
 ad to pass our papers
 around the class for people to metaphorically rip apart
 #agreed #iam the same
 #if I dont ask for critique then dont do it pls even if you are being good
 mannered
 #if I want critiques i will ask someone spe
 #if I'm looki
 ing for constructive feedback
 # why are you telling me about a perceived plot hole in a 104k word fic
 #pst it wasnt a plot hole I did th
 npurpose

 cknowledge given that we've gotter
 having free fic
 #some don't want to improve! #maybe in a broad sense yes
 #if I knit a blanket and give it as a gift
 none of these autho
 you improvement
 #1 don't want the only thing out of the recipien
 !
 #that's just shitty
 you were given a gift
 ay someo
 tiny comment alon
 in
 it wasn't that bad actually
 othered m
 #even if they specifically told me that they liked it
 #it took an 11 friend's comment about it for me to let it go and be at peace
 #they knew enoug
 different culture
 #someone might get 99 praises
 flame) that stays with them
 #1 have a pretty good ego about my writing
 eta readers sometimes
 an
 en
 ис
 #there's plenty of stuff i wouldn't share online simply because the criticism
 ould hu
 on
 away from my passion
 #this #this so much #i accept criticism from very few people
 #because they know how to tell it to me
 #even if sometimes it does sting
 #1 trust these people to know what is missing/lacking/bad about my writing
 ince i have asked for it
 ont wa
 m when i finally post my stories
 #1 just wanna know if people have lik
 #1 don't care #clearly it wasn't written for you
 #the improvemen
 one reason only #because I've kept writing- and reading)
 #I've honed my skilled by myself
 ed them #ifn
 ot
 #don't tell me
 ar
 een made for
 ou can say something nice about thi
 for a friend and spent years of my life on
 for you can shut up
 i feel like these are the pe
 writing workshop
 #they need to grow the fuck up
 are forever stuck in their creat
 #and get out of our comment sections

 #well i am glad someone thinks this way!
 #1 always feel bad for wanting po
 sitive feedback
 #1 don't mind people asking me questions
 #and I don't always mind comments about how i've improved
 #but god it pisses me off when you point out typoes
 y own editing bc i don't always use a beta
 -and that's it
 #fin
 e??
 #I'm doing this for free fuck off
 ffanfiction #i get that people want to be helpful
 Abut you're supposed to ask if your help is needed
 for wait for your help to be requested
 hank you
 #im so shy abot my writing and then i got a comment that started hmmm
 dove into all the things they didnt like and thought ishpuld
 an
 change
 Hand genuinely i wasnt sure theyd even read it because this stuff was so
 backward
 ho
 did it make me feel shit
 #It's true
 #1ike if you wanna give it to me then ask and I'll be okay probably
 but someone else might not be
 #and goddamn it's for fun
 #THANKYOU #slow clap
 e number of time
 pent all day obsessing over
 mean little
 #mood #im dealing with this rn and it's pissing me off
 Hunless you're someone I Actually Know #then fuck off
 in
 # agree so much with this #and I get shit over it occasionally
 #but honestly #I'm not a published author #this isnt my job
 it's just a bit of fun #and I am not about that negativity
 #let me play in peace
 #some people think their opinion or correction is SO
 to be said
 great that it just HAS
 as i
 #as if they are fucking experts on antic
 #1 don't care if you are an editor in real life #if you aren't my beta
 #keep your mouth shut on concrit #it's simple #really
 much #people can tell me all they want about my spelling errors
 at opinion is somehow
 (because there's always one or two) #and i-don't care
 #im not tDing it #especially not spending hours writing
 #yes this
 #i'm not a native speaker and I already know i make mistakes
 #so give us a break
 1 still posted the thing for you
 #fanfiction
 #I'm honestly probably never going to write fanfic ever again
 #you'll never catch me writing TW fic ever again
 #I've learned my lesson

 I have peopleI take my
 work to for critique. Serious
 critique. I want that
 criticism, and to be better. If
 l post something and don't
 say it's in some level of a
 finished form or hey let me
 know what you think,
 probably best to assume
 I'm not looking for your red
 pen insight in my inbox.
 literally like, I got my first
 comment on a fic a while
 back that wasn't just
 keysmashing or
 compliments or wtv, it was
 literally just advice, but it hit
 me like a sack of bricks to
 the face and lost the will to
 continue the fic I was
 working on when I read that
 comment my mood
 plummeted off a cliff in the
 span of a couple
 sentences.
 This is pretty Rich
 actually, because l have
 had my life destroyed by
 online Critics on stories I
 just posted for fun
 Thank you, Kedreeva. This
 is also how I feel when my
 partner tries to give me
 concrit on my Overwatch
 game play. I didn't ask you
 for concrit. Please leave
 me alone. You're ruining my
 fun thing by turning it into
 homework.
 Unsolicited concrit is
 entitled wank
 #honestly keep it to your damn selves
 # constructive criticism is a huge part of why I don't fucking write anymore
 ck off with that shit
 #I've seen too many writers give up
 tAnd stop writing
 few a
 ss holes who thought they needed to tell these
 people that they didn't like their story for some reason
 #1m sometimes still thinking about that one Concrit comment I got years
 ago
 #important #fanfiction #writing #criticism
 #that's one of the reasons I never write sterek again
 #whereas with my writing? Dont -please
 #even if y
 #1m going to remember the one inconsequential bad thing
 #AT MOST you can point out like a spelling error or two
 #but honestly don't bother if I missed them on the proof then I probably
 don't care enough to edit it again
 ou leave the nicest comme
 nt otherwis
 NOW
 #as someone who writes
 #i hate hate hate concrit on works that are posted unless I've specifically asked for
 more
 bad that im s
 ometimes way too much of a wimp when it comes to
 concrit
 #Tbh I'm very wary of criticism
 #I've had most people do it in a way that negatively affected the way I see
 my work
 #Asking first is a wonderful way to go about it!
kedreeva:

When I say “writers don’t want your unsolicited criticism” and “leaving unsolicited criticism on fanfiction hurts writers” THIS is what I mean.
This isn’t even all of them, this is just from a FEW posts on the subject. Read through these, and then look me in the eyes and say you’re ~helping writers~ by leaving that criticizing comment on someone’s fic when they didn’t ask you to.
You’re hurting or, at best, annoying us. You’re hurting fandom.


You’re not helping us.

kedreeva: When I say “writers don’t want your unsolicited criticism” and “leaving unsolicited criticism on fanfiction hurts writers” THIS i...

Amazon, Anaconda, and CoCo: Hend Amry @LibyaLiberty Follow I will pay more for a chocolate bar if it means less slavery how is this a serious warning. Mike S. Omer-Man@MikeOmerMan Nestle says slavery reporting requirements could cost customers srmi.exiiauafoliiicxi/icxlkir... 12:21 AM-5 Sep 2018 2,117 Retweets 8.247 Likes bet @③ scootsenshi: weeelllp: rsbenedict: kaijutegu: roachpatrol: I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM.  good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry. https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company.  It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate. A list of slavery-free chocolate companies: Aldi Aloha Feels Chocolate Alma Chocolate Alter Eco Chocolate Amano Chocolate Askinoise Chocolate The Beach Chocolate Factory Belicious Black Mountain Chocolate Cacaoteca Caribeans Chocolate Castronovo Chocolate Charm School Chocolates Chocolate Cartel Chocolat Celeste Chocolate Tree Chocolate Troubadour Choconat Coco Chocolate Compartes Chocolates Dandelion Chocolate Dark Forest Chocolate Denman Island Chocolate Divine Chocolate Co. Eating Evolved Eat Your Hat El Ceibo The Endangered Species Equal Exchange Fairafric Forever Cocoa Fresco Chocolate Fruition Chocolate Gayleen’s Decadence GEPA Chocolate Giddy Yo Yo Grenada Chocolate Company Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate Guittard Habitual Chocolate Hagensborg Chocolates Health by Chocolate Hilo Shark Chocolate HNINA Gourmet Honest Artisan Chocolate Hooray  Tuffles Ithaca Fine Chocolates L.A. Burdick Chocolates La Iguana Chocolate Lake Champlain Chocolates La Siembra Cooperative Lillie Belle Farms Madecasse Malagasy Maverick Chocolate Company Max Havelaar Mayan Monkey Mayordomo Mia Chocolate Montezuma’s Chocolates Nayah Amazon Chocolates Newman’s Own Organics Purdy’s Chocolate Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company Ombar OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate Original Hawaiian Chocolate Parliament Chocolate Montevérgine Patric Chocolate Plamil Organic Chocolate Potomac Chocolate Pure Lovin’ Chocolate Rain Republic Rapunzel Pure Organics Ritual Chocolate Samaritan Xocolata Sappho Chocolates Seed Bean Chocolate Shaman Chocolates Sibú Chocolate Solkiki Chocolate Sweet Earth Chocolates Sweet Impact Fudge Sweet Riot Sun Eaters Organics Taza Chocolate Terra Nostra Organic Terroir Chocolate TCHO The Chocolate Wave Theo Chocolate The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX) Tobago Estate Chocolate TONY’S CHOCOLONELY Vivani Chocolate Vosges Wei of Chocolate Xocolatl Chocolate Zotter Crazy how the main three chocolate companies in the US are all terrible Makes sense
Amazon, Anaconda, and CoCo: Hend Amry
 @LibyaLiberty
 Follow
 I will pay more for a chocolate bar if it means
 less slavery how is this a serious warning.
 Mike S. Omer-Man@MikeOmerMan
 Nestle says slavery reporting requirements could cost customers
 srmi.exiiauafoliiicxi/icxlkir...
 12:21 AM-5 Sep 2018
 2,117 Retweets 8.247 Likes
 bet
 @③
scootsenshi:

weeelllp:

rsbenedict:

kaijutegu:

roachpatrol:
I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM. 
good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry.
https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely
Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company. 
It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate.

A list of slavery-free chocolate companies:

Aldi

Aloha Feels Chocolate

Alma Chocolate

Alter Eco Chocolate

Amano Chocolate

Askinoise Chocolate

The Beach Chocolate Factory

Belicious

Black Mountain Chocolate

Cacaoteca

Caribeans Chocolate

Castronovo Chocolate

Charm School Chocolates

Chocolate Cartel

Chocolat Celeste

Chocolate Tree

Chocolate Troubadour

Choconat

Coco Chocolate

Compartes Chocolates

Dandelion Chocolate

Dark Forest Chocolate

Denman Island Chocolate

Divine Chocolate Co.

Eating Evolved

Eat Your Hat

El Ceibo

The Endangered Species

Equal Exchange

Fairafric

Forever Cocoa

Fresco Chocolate

Fruition Chocolate

Gayleen’s Decadence

GEPA Chocolate

Giddy Yo Yo

Grenada Chocolate Company

Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate

Guittard

Habitual Chocolate

Hagensborg Chocolates

Health by Chocolate

Hilo Shark Chocolate

HNINA Gourmet

Honest Artisan Chocolate

Hooray  Tuffles
Ithaca Fine Chocolates

L.A. Burdick Chocolates

La Iguana Chocolate

Lake Champlain Chocolates

La Siembra Cooperative

Lillie Belle Farms

Madecasse

Malagasy

Maverick Chocolate Company
Max Havelaar

Mayan Monkey

Mayordomo

Mia Chocolate

Montezuma’s Chocolates

Nayah Amazon Chocolates

Newman’s Own Organics

Purdy’s Chocolate

Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company

Ombar

OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate

Original Hawaiian Chocolate

Parliament Chocolate

Montevérgine

Patric Chocolate

Plamil Organic Chocolate

Potomac Chocolate

Pure Lovin’ Chocolate

Rain Republic

Rapunzel Pure Organics

Ritual Chocolate

Samaritan Xocolata

Sappho Chocolates

Seed  Bean Chocolate

Shaman Chocolates

Sibú Chocolate

Solkiki Chocolate

Sweet Earth Chocolates

Sweet Impact Fudge

Sweet Riot

Sun Eaters Organics

Taza Chocolate

Terra Nostra Organic

Terroir Chocolate

TCHO

The Chocolate Wave

Theo Chocolate

The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX)

Tobago Estate Chocolate

TONY’S CHOCOLONELY

Vivani Chocolate

Vosges

Wei of Chocolate

Xocolatl Chocolate
Zotter


Crazy how the main three chocolate companies in the US are all terrible 


Makes sense

scootsenshi: weeelllp: rsbenedict: kaijutegu: roachpatrol: I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT O...

Amazon, Anaconda, and CoCo: Hend Amry @LibyaLiberty Follow I will pay more for a chocolate bar if it means less slavery how is this a serious warning. Mike S. Omer-Man@MikeOmerMan Nestle says slavery reporting requirements could cost customers srmi.exiiauafoliiicxi/icxlkir... 12:21 AM-5 Sep 2018 2,117 Retweets 8.247 Likes bet @③ slab-o-meat: rsbenedict: kaijutegu: roachpatrol: I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM.  good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry. https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company.  It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate. A list of slavery-free chocolate companies: Aldi Aloha Feels Chocolate Alma Chocolate Alter Eco Chocolate Amano Chocolate Askinoise Chocolate The Beach Chocolate Factory Belicious Black Mountain Chocolate Cacaoteca Caribeans Chocolate Castronovo Chocolate Charm School Chocolates Chocolate Cartel Chocolat Celeste Chocolate Tree Chocolate Troubadour Choconat Coco Chocolate Compartes Chocolates Dandelion Chocolate Dark Forest Chocolate Denman Island Chocolate Divine Chocolate Co. Eating Evolved Eat Your Hat El Ceibo The Endangered Species Equal Exchange Fairafric Forever Cocoa Fresco Chocolate Fruition Chocolate Gayleen’s Decadence GEPA Chocolate Giddy Yo Yo Grenada Chocolate Company Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate Guittard Habitual Chocolate Hagensborg Chocolates Health by Chocolate Hilo Shark Chocolate HNINA Gourmet Honest Artisan Chocolate Hooray  Tuffles Ithaca Fine Chocolates L.A. Burdick Chocolates La Iguana Chocolate Lake Champlain Chocolates La Siembra Cooperative Lillie Belle Farms Madecasse Malagasy Maverick Chocolate Company Max Havelaar Mayan Monkey Mayordomo Mia Chocolate Montezuma’s Chocolates Nayah Amazon Chocolates Newman’s Own Organics Purdy’s Chocolate Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company Ombar OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate Original Hawaiian Chocolate Parliament Chocolate Montevérgine Patric Chocolate Plamil Organic Chocolate Potomac Chocolate Pure Lovin’ Chocolate Rain Republic Rapunzel Pure Organics Ritual Chocolate Samaritan Xocolata Sappho Chocolates Seed Bean Chocolate Shaman Chocolates Sibú Chocolate Solkiki Chocolate Sweet Earth Chocolates Sweet Impact Fudge Sweet Riot Sun Eaters Organics Taza Chocolate Terra Nostra Organic Terroir Chocolate TCHO The Chocolate Wave Theo Chocolate The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX) Tobago Estate Chocolate TONY’S CHOCOLONELY Vivani Chocolate Vosges Wei of Chocolate Xocolatl Chocolate Zotter
Amazon, Anaconda, and CoCo: Hend Amry
 @LibyaLiberty
 Follow
 I will pay more for a chocolate bar if it means
 less slavery how is this a serious warning.
 Mike S. Omer-Man@MikeOmerMan
 Nestle says slavery reporting requirements could cost customers
 srmi.exiiauafoliiicxi/icxlkir...
 12:21 AM-5 Sep 2018
 2,117 Retweets 8.247 Likes
 bet
 @③
slab-o-meat:
rsbenedict:

kaijutegu:

roachpatrol:
I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM. 
good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry.
https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely
Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company. 
It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate.

A list of slavery-free chocolate companies:

Aldi

Aloha Feels Chocolate

Alma Chocolate

Alter Eco Chocolate

Amano Chocolate

Askinoise Chocolate

The Beach Chocolate Factory

Belicious

Black Mountain Chocolate

Cacaoteca

Caribeans Chocolate

Castronovo Chocolate

Charm School Chocolates

Chocolate Cartel

Chocolat Celeste

Chocolate Tree

Chocolate Troubadour

Choconat

Coco Chocolate

Compartes Chocolates

Dandelion Chocolate

Dark Forest Chocolate

Denman Island Chocolate

Divine Chocolate Co.

Eating Evolved

Eat Your Hat

El Ceibo

The Endangered Species

Equal Exchange

Fairafric

Forever Cocoa

Fresco Chocolate

Fruition Chocolate

Gayleen’s Decadence

GEPA Chocolate

Giddy Yo Yo

Grenada Chocolate Company

Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate

Guittard

Habitual Chocolate

Hagensborg Chocolates

Health by Chocolate

Hilo Shark Chocolate

HNINA Gourmet

Honest Artisan Chocolate

Hooray  Tuffles
Ithaca Fine Chocolates

L.A. Burdick Chocolates

La Iguana Chocolate

Lake Champlain Chocolates

La Siembra Cooperative

Lillie Belle Farms

Madecasse

Malagasy

Maverick Chocolate Company
Max Havelaar

Mayan Monkey

Mayordomo

Mia Chocolate

Montezuma’s Chocolates

Nayah Amazon Chocolates

Newman’s Own Organics

Purdy’s Chocolate

Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company

Ombar

OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate

Original Hawaiian Chocolate

Parliament Chocolate

Montevérgine

Patric Chocolate

Plamil Organic Chocolate

Potomac Chocolate

Pure Lovin’ Chocolate

Rain Republic

Rapunzel Pure Organics

Ritual Chocolate

Samaritan Xocolata

Sappho Chocolates

Seed  Bean Chocolate

Shaman Chocolates

Sibú Chocolate

Solkiki Chocolate

Sweet Earth Chocolates

Sweet Impact Fudge

Sweet Riot

Sun Eaters Organics

Taza Chocolate

Terra Nostra Organic

Terroir Chocolate

TCHO

The Chocolate Wave

Theo Chocolate

The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX)

Tobago Estate Chocolate

TONY’S CHOCOLONELY

Vivani Chocolate

Vosges

Wei of Chocolate

Xocolatl Chocolate
Zotter

slab-o-meat: rsbenedict: kaijutegu: roachpatrol: I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN ...

Amazon, Anaconda, and CoCo: Hend Amry @LibyaLiberty Follow I will pay more for a chocolate bar if it means less slavery how is this a serious warning. Mike S. Omer-Man@MikeOmerMan Nestle says slavery reporting requirements could cost customers srmi.exiiauafoliiicxi/icxlkir... 12:21 AM-5 Sep 2018 2,117 Retweets 8.247 Likes bet @③ temptation-revelation: rsbenedict: kaijutegu: roachpatrol: I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM.  good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry. https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company.  It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate. A list of slavery-free chocolate companies: Aldi Aloha Feels Chocolate Alma Chocolate Alter Eco Chocolate Amano Chocolate Askinoise Chocolate The Beach Chocolate Factory Belicious Black Mountain Chocolate Cacaoteca Caribeans Chocolate Castronovo Chocolate Charm School Chocolates Chocolate Cartel Chocolat Celeste Chocolate Tree Chocolate Troubadour Choconat Coco Chocolate Compartes Chocolates Dandelion Chocolate Dark Forest Chocolate Denman Island Chocolate Divine Chocolate Co. Eating Evolved Eat Your Hat El Ceibo The Endangered Species Equal Exchange Fairafric Forever Cocoa Fresco Chocolate Fruition Chocolate Gayleen’s Decadence GEPA Chocolate Giddy Yo Yo Grenada Chocolate Company Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate Guittard Habitual Chocolate Hagensborg Chocolates Health by Chocolate Hilo Shark Chocolate HNINA Gourmet Honest Artisan Chocolate Hooray  Tuffles Ithaca Fine Chocolates L.A. Burdick Chocolates La Iguana Chocolate Lake Champlain Chocolates La Siembra Cooperative Lillie Belle Farms Madecasse Malagasy Maverick Chocolate Company Max Havelaar Mayan Monkey Mayordomo Mia Chocolate Montezuma’s Chocolates Nayah Amazon Chocolates Newman’s Own Organics Purdy’s Chocolate Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company Ombar OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate Original Hawaiian Chocolate Parliament Chocolate Montevérgine Patric Chocolate Plamil Organic Chocolate Potomac Chocolate Pure Lovin’ Chocolate Rain Republic Rapunzel Pure Organics Ritual Chocolate Samaritan Xocolata Sappho Chocolates Seed Bean Chocolate Shaman Chocolates Sibú Chocolate Solkiki Chocolate Sweet Earth Chocolates Sweet Impact Fudge Sweet Riot Sun Eaters Organics Taza Chocolate Terra Nostra Organic Terroir Chocolate TCHO The Chocolate Wave Theo Chocolate The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX) Tobago Estate Chocolate TONY’S CHOCOLONELY Vivani Chocolate Vosges Wei of Chocolate Xocolatl Chocolate Zotter
Amazon, Anaconda, and CoCo: Hend Amry
 @LibyaLiberty
 Follow
 I will pay more for a chocolate bar if it means
 less slavery how is this a serious warning.
 Mike S. Omer-Man@MikeOmerMan
 Nestle says slavery reporting requirements could cost customers
 srmi.exiiauafoliiicxi/icxlkir...
 12:21 AM-5 Sep 2018
 2,117 Retweets 8.247 Likes
 bet
 @③
temptation-revelation:

rsbenedict:

kaijutegu:

roachpatrol:
I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF SLAVES IN THE WORLD? HOW IS THIS ANY KIND OF PROBLEM. 
good news, you can! the company’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and their entire purpose is to make slave-free chocolate and reform the chocolate industry.
https://tonyschocolonely.com/us/en
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony%27s_Chocolonely
Whole Foods carries it. If you don’t want to support an Amazon-owned company, World Market carries it. You can also buy it directly from the company. 
It’s the best chocolate I’ve ever had and it’s 100% slave free. Tony’s Chocolonely works really hard to push for transparency within the chocolate industry and actually has and is following an action plan to eliminate slavery within cocoa production. They’re good people who make good chocolate.

A list of slavery-free chocolate companies:

Aldi

Aloha Feels Chocolate

Alma Chocolate

Alter Eco Chocolate

Amano Chocolate

Askinoise Chocolate

The Beach Chocolate Factory

Belicious

Black Mountain Chocolate

Cacaoteca

Caribeans Chocolate

Castronovo Chocolate

Charm School Chocolates

Chocolate Cartel

Chocolat Celeste

Chocolate Tree

Chocolate Troubadour

Choconat

Coco Chocolate

Compartes Chocolates

Dandelion Chocolate

Dark Forest Chocolate

Denman Island Chocolate

Divine Chocolate Co.

Eating Evolved

Eat Your Hat

El Ceibo

The Endangered Species

Equal Exchange

Fairafric

Forever Cocoa

Fresco Chocolate

Fruition Chocolate

Gayleen’s Decadence

GEPA Chocolate

Giddy Yo Yo

Grenada Chocolate Company

Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate

Guittard

Habitual Chocolate

Hagensborg Chocolates

Health by Chocolate

Hilo Shark Chocolate

HNINA Gourmet

Honest Artisan Chocolate

Hooray  Tuffles
Ithaca Fine Chocolates

L.A. Burdick Chocolates

La Iguana Chocolate

Lake Champlain Chocolates

La Siembra Cooperative

Lillie Belle Farms

Madecasse

Malagasy

Maverick Chocolate Company
Max Havelaar

Mayan Monkey

Mayordomo

Mia Chocolate

Montezuma’s Chocolates

Nayah Amazon Chocolates

Newman’s Own Organics

Purdy’s Chocolate

Omanahene Cocoa Bean Company

Ombar

OpuLux Fair Trade Chocolate

Original Hawaiian Chocolate

Parliament Chocolate

Montevérgine

Patric Chocolate

Plamil Organic Chocolate

Potomac Chocolate

Pure Lovin’ Chocolate

Rain Republic

Rapunzel Pure Organics

Ritual Chocolate

Samaritan Xocolata

Sappho Chocolates

Seed  Bean Chocolate

Shaman Chocolates

Sibú Chocolate

Solkiki Chocolate

Sweet Earth Chocolates

Sweet Impact Fudge

Sweet Riot

Sun Eaters Organics

Taza Chocolate

Terra Nostra Organic

Terroir Chocolate

TCHO

The Chocolate Wave

Theo Chocolate

The Original Chocolate Bar (Houston, TX)

Tobago Estate Chocolate

TONY’S CHOCOLONELY

Vivani Chocolate

Vosges

Wei of Chocolate

Xocolatl Chocolate
Zotter

temptation-revelation: rsbenedict: kaijutegu: roachpatrol: I WOULD PAY TEN TIMES AS MUCH FOR CHOCOLATE IF IT MEANT REDUCING THE AMOUNT OF...

Best Friend, Definitely, and Future: Chloe, 19 154 kilometre s away pineapple definitely doesn't belong on pizza Chloe YOU MATCHED WITH CHLOE ON 2/7/18. I'm not sure I'm okay with your hardcore political opinions, Chloe. While your passion is definitely very attractive, I don't see a future here I think we should stay together until the kids move out then I think it's done. I just don't think I'll ever love you as much as I love pineapple. Maybe when the kids move out we can try rekindle our love with a cruise overseas? Oh sure, let's have a repeat of the Hawaii Incident shall we? Be serious it's not my fault I don't like Hawaiian pizza!! It's not that you're not right, it's just that we're not right for each other. I know we were young. I was struck by your wit and unreasonably good looks, you were taken by my humour and smooth mocha complexion. Now there are 25 years, three kids and a mortgage between us and we're only just realising that we should have gone out for churros instead of pizza. 25 years, 3 months and 9 days to be exact, don't you want to be there for our grandchildren? I know an awesome couples counselling we can go to, too get our old spark back. You're counting? Please... you're no prisoner here. You were free to leave the moment you hired that "gardener" in '03. If you want to know where our spark went, it left in the back of a Mazda BT-50 ute driven by a man who always smelled like compost and that perfume I bought you. Yesterday 23:47 Now I know why it says youra comedian in your bio can't wait to read my best friend this convo she's gonna lose it Absolute Deal-breaker.
Best Friend, Definitely, and Future: Chloe, 19
 154 kilometre
 s away
 pineapple definitely doesn't belong on pizza
 Chloe
 YOU MATCHED WITH CHLOE ON 2/7/18.
 I'm not sure I'm okay with your
 hardcore political opinions, Chloe.
 While your passion is definitely
 very attractive, I don't see a future
 here
 I think we should stay together
 until the kids move out then I think
 it's done. I just don't think I'll ever
 love you as much as I love
 pineapple.
 Maybe when the kids move out
 we can try rekindle our love with a
 cruise overseas?
 Oh sure, let's have a repeat of the
 Hawaii Incident shall we? Be
 serious
 it's not my fault I don't like
 Hawaiian pizza!!
 It's not that you're not right, it's
 just that we're not right for each
 other.
 I know we were young. I was
 struck by your wit and
 unreasonably good looks, you
 were taken by my humour and
 smooth mocha complexion. Now
 there are 25 years, three kids and
 a mortgage between us and we're
 only just realising that we should
 have gone out for churros instead
 of pizza.
 25 years, 3 months and 9 days to
 be exact, don't you want to be
 there for our grandchildren?
 I know an awesome couples
 counselling we can go to, too get
 our old spark back.
 You're counting? Please... you're
 no prisoner here. You were free to
 leave the moment you hired that
 "gardener" in '03. If you want to
 know where our spark went, it left
 in the back of a Mazda BT-50 ute
 driven by a man who always
 smelled like compost and that
 perfume I bought you.
 Yesterday 23:47
 Now I know why it says youra
 comedian in your bio
 can't wait to read my best friend
 this convo she's gonna lose it
Absolute Deal-breaker.

Absolute Deal-breaker.

Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.

bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie...

Africa, America, and Celtic: official-ilvermorny: Classes currently offered at Ilvermorny: First year required classes Basic Magical Theory I Magical History of the World I Charms I Potions I Defense Against the Dark Arts I Transfiguration I Herbology I Second year required classes Basic Magical Theory II Magical History of the World II Charms II Potions II Defense Against the Dark Arts II Transfiguration II Herbology II Third year required classes Intermediate Magical Theory Magical History of North America I Charms III Potions III Defense Against the Dark Arts III Transfiguration III Herbology III Two or more elective classes Forth year required classes Magical History of North America II Charms IV Potions IV Defense Against the Dark Arts IV Transfiguration IV Herbology IV One Native or Foreign Magics class Two or more elective classes Fifth year required classes Charms V Potions V Defense Against the Dark Arts V Transfiguration V Herbology V One Social Science class One Native or Foreign Magics class Two or more elective class Sixth year required classes* Charms VI Potions VI Defense Against the Dark Arts VI Transfiguration VI Herbology VI One Social Science class Three or more electives Seventh year required classes* Charms VII Potions VII Defense Against the Dark Arts VII Transfiguration VII Herbology VII Four or more electives Elective classes General Electives: Care of Magical Creatures I - V Enchantments I - IV Divination I - V Arithmancy I - III Astronomy I - V Magical Linguistics I - III Arithmancy I - III Martial Magic I - III No-Maj Studies I - IV Basic Healing I - III Social Sciences: Magical History of The United States of America Magical History of Mexico Magical History of Canada Magical History of South America Magical History of Central America Magical History of Continental Africa Magical History of the Middle East Magical History of Western Europe Magical History of Northern Europe Magical History of Eastern Europe Magical History of the Mediterranean Magical History of Western Asia Magical History of Russia Magical History of China and Japan Magical History of Oceania Magical Governments Native and Foreign Magics: Native American Practices I II Hawaiian and Polynesian Witchcraft Caribbean Witchcraft Mexican Wizardry South American Magics I II African Sorcery Ancient Egyptian Rituals Hebrew Practices European Witchcraft Celtic Druidism Nordic Runecraft Hindu Practices Chinese Sorcery Japanese Practices Creative Arts: Dancing and Spellcasting I - III Choral Sorcery I - III Instrumental Magic I - III Spellsongs Magic in Visual Art I - III Magical Sculpting Foreign Languages: English I - III Spanish I - III French I - III Latin I - III Greek I - III Field-Specific classes: Advanced Healing I II Magizoology I II Curse-Breaking I II Advanced Magical Theory I II Magical Archaeology and Anthropology I II Magical Construction I II Advanced Martial Magic I II Spiritual Studies I II Advanced Arithmancy I II Advanced Runecraft I II Potioneering I II Inter-Species Diplomacy I II Theoretical Magiphysics I II Magriculture I II Advanced Divination I II *Sixth and seventh years are when students tend to begin to go into Field-Specific classes, as well as some internships and such with areas in which they would like to work. Because of this, at the end of the fifth year after the LAMP (Levels of Aptitude in Magical Performance) tests are administered, students are brought into a meeting with a counselor (often their Head of House) to discuss possible career futures. Some of the “required” classes for these two years can be dropped based on the schedule and agenda of the student in question, as well as their LAMP test scores. Image Source
Africa, America, and Celtic: official-ilvermorny:

Classes currently offered at Ilvermorny:

First year required classes

Basic Magical Theory I
Magical History of the World I
Charms I
Potions I
Defense Against the Dark Arts I
Transfiguration I
Herbology I


Second year required classes

Basic Magical Theory II
Magical History of the World II
Charms II
Potions II
Defense Against the Dark Arts II
Transfiguration II
Herbology II

Third year required classes

Intermediate Magical Theory
Magical History of North America I
Charms III
Potions III
Defense Against the Dark Arts III
Transfiguration III
Herbology III
Two or more elective classes

Forth year required classes

Magical History of North America II
Charms IV
Potions IV
Defense Against the Dark Arts IV
Transfiguration IV
Herbology IV
One Native or Foreign Magics class
Two or more elective classes

Fifth year required classes

Charms V
Potions V
Defense Against the Dark Arts V
Transfiguration V
Herbology V
One Social Science class
One Native or Foreign Magics class
Two or more elective class

Sixth year required classes*

Charms VI
Potions VI
Defense Against the Dark Arts VI
Transfiguration VI
Herbology VI
One Social Science class
Three or more electives

Seventh year required classes*

Charms VII
Potions VII
Defense Against the Dark Arts VII
Transfiguration VII
Herbology VII
Four or more electives

Elective classes

General Electives:

Care of Magical Creatures I - V
Enchantments I - IV
Divination I - V
Arithmancy I - III
Astronomy I - V
Magical Linguistics I - III
Arithmancy I - III
Martial Magic I - III
No-Maj Studies I - IV
Basic Healing I - III

Social Sciences:

Magical History of The United States of America
Magical History of Mexico
Magical History of Canada
Magical History of South America
Magical History of Central America
Magical History of Continental Africa
Magical History of the Middle East
Magical History of Western Europe
Magical History of Northern Europe
Magical History of Eastern Europe
Magical History of the Mediterranean
Magical History of Western Asia
Magical History of Russia
Magical History of China and Japan
Magical History of Oceania
Magical Governments

Native and Foreign Magics:

Native American Practices I  II
Hawaiian and Polynesian Witchcraft
Caribbean Witchcraft
Mexican Wizardry
South American Magics I  II
African Sorcery
Ancient Egyptian Rituals
Hebrew Practices
European Witchcraft
Celtic Druidism
Nordic Runecraft
Hindu Practices
Chinese Sorcery
Japanese Practices


Creative Arts:

Dancing and Spellcasting I - III
Choral Sorcery I - III
Instrumental Magic I - III
Spellsongs
Magic in Visual Art I - III
Magical Sculpting

Foreign Languages:

English I - III
Spanish I - III
French I - III
Latin I - III
Greek I - III

Field-Specific classes:

Advanced Healing I  II
Magizoology I  II
Curse-Breaking I  II
Advanced Magical Theory I  II
Magical Archaeology and Anthropology I  II
Magical Construction I  II
Advanced Martial Magic I  II
Spiritual Studies I  II
Advanced Arithmancy I  II
Advanced Runecraft I  II
Potioneering I  II
Inter-Species Diplomacy I  II
Theoretical Magiphysics I  II
Magriculture I  II
Advanced Divination I  II

*Sixth and seventh years are when students tend to begin to go into Field-Specific classes, as well as some internships and such with areas in which they would like to work. Because of this, at the end of the fifth year after the LAMP (Levels of Aptitude in Magical Performance) tests are administered, students are brought into a meeting with a counselor (often their Head of House) to discuss possible career futures. Some of the “required” classes for these two years can be dropped based on the schedule and agenda of the student in question, as well as their LAMP test scores.

Image Source

official-ilvermorny: Classes currently offered at Ilvermorny: First year required classes Basic Magical Theory I Magical History of the W...