The
The

The

Effort
Effort

Effort

When
When

When

Halfway There
Halfway There

Halfway There

Overslept
Overslept

Overslept

Socks
Socks

Socks

Hurtfully
Hurtfully

Hurtfully

Backpack
Backpack

Backpack

out
out

out

spread the word
 spread the word

spread the word

πŸ”₯ | Latest

gone home: 41 .d 70% 1:17 AM Saturday 1140 PM all i want to know is if that pic is photoshopped oh fuck wait the rest of them are i didn't even notice that Or maybe l actually died in a selfie related shark attack In 2018 anything's possible fr tho you got some quality photoshop skills Though my usual Tinder claim to fame is my poetry writing Gimme a format pick between Shakespearean sonnet or Dr Seuss poem and then l'd need a topic oh shit seuss for sure write aboutittt stupid frat boys Today 1:13 AM At Who University's campus downtown, studious students awaited sundown For during the day they're the learning ish sort. but after night fell? Watch Fraternity At Sigma Ki Kappa Phi Epsilon Nu a Vineyard-Vine chino store stepped into view A stack of red cups looming tall on his the Cat in the Frat prowled for Whogirls He saw a lone girl and assessed her cup size and then, in this order, gawked ass, chest and eyes He waltzed in on over and offered her and said "come with me, oh the places you'll cum! They snuck to a bedroom and passed Mister Grinch whose hazing machine dragged six pledges by winch. Its arms and its knobs fed the pledges and doubly increased their fraternity Just by the hazing in haze of his own, the Lorax sat still undeniably stoned. A pledge wandered up.. 'there's something I need. The Lorax did smile: 1 speak for the We ve got Xannys and Mollys and cocaine galore and ketamine, mushrooms and DMT-4 There's indicas, indigos, everywhich and every eigth bought, have a free hit of speed Horton popped pills called Pill 1 and Pill and then followed up with Pill Red and Pill Blue His world washed away as he tripped for three hours hearing small voices that spoke from puff fiowers. The Cat in the Frat roled off well what's-her-name and let her slip out with red visible He looked at his sheets and saw stains left by beer, and thought should I was them? Oh, maybe next year He'd wanted a girl from each stop on Srat Row with Ki Frappa Sig down just five more to go, He put back the condom he told her he'd wear And then set on foot for the cleanup The party had ended and Whos had gone home, with red cup footsteps creaking sticky beer foam Sprawled on the floor was that poor Sam I Am, and someone's puked-up rancid green eggs and ham. The Cat in the Frat called the cleaning which rolled and ka-sputtered its way through the scene Its arms and gloved hands dusted swept, and wipe dried and even did know to turn Sam on his At Sigma Ki Kappa Phi Epsilon Nu, The party lifecycle began thus anew. Tuesday was done and yet Wednesday drew near... The Cat had to run and go buy some more beer THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING OH MY FUCKINF GOD I LVOE YOU Type a message Frat Life
gone home: 41
 .d 70% 1:17 AM
 Saturday 1140 PM
 all i want to know
 is if that pic is photoshopped
 oh fuck wait the rest of them are i
 didn't even notice that
 Or maybe l actually died in a selfie
 related shark attack
 In 2018 anything's possible
 fr tho
 you got some quality photoshop skills
 Though my usual Tinder claim to fame
 is my poetry writing
 Gimme a format pick between
 Shakespearean sonnet or Dr Seuss
 poem and then l'd need a topic
 oh shit
 seuss for sure
 write aboutittt
 stupid frat boys
 Today 1:13 AM
 At Who University's campus downtown,
 studious students awaited sundown
 For during the day they're the learning
 ish sort.
 but after night fell? Watch Fraternity
 At Sigma Ki Kappa Phi Epsilon Nu
 a Vineyard-Vine chino store stepped
 into view
 A stack of red cups looming tall on his
 the Cat in the Frat prowled for Whogirls
 He saw a lone girl and assessed her
 cup size
 and then, in this order, gawked ass,
 chest and eyes
 He waltzed in on over and offered her
 and said "come with me, oh the places
 you'll cum!
 They snuck to a bedroom and passed
 Mister Grinch
 whose hazing machine dragged six
 pledges by winch.
 Its arms and its knobs fed the pledges
 and doubly increased their fraternity
 Just by the hazing in haze of his own,
 the Lorax sat still undeniably stoned.
 A pledge wandered up.. 'there's
 something I need.
 The Lorax did smile: 1 speak for the
 We ve got Xannys and Mollys and
 cocaine galore
 and ketamine, mushrooms and DMT-4
 There's indicas, indigos, everywhich
 and every eigth bought, have a free hit
 of speed
 Horton popped pills called Pill 1 and Pill
 and then followed up with Pill Red and
 Pill Blue
 His world washed away as he tripped
 for three hours
 hearing small voices that spoke from
 puff fiowers.
 The Cat in the Frat roled off well
 what's-her-name
 and let her slip out with red visible
 He looked at his sheets and saw stains
 left by beer,
 and thought should I was them? Oh,
 maybe next year
 He'd wanted a girl from each stop on
 Srat Row
 with Ki Frappa Sig down just five more
 to go,
 He put back the condom he told her
 he'd wear
 And then set on foot for the cleanup
 The party had ended and Whos had
 gone home,
 with red cup footsteps creaking sticky
 beer foam
 Sprawled on the floor was that poor
 Sam I Am,
 and someone's puked-up rancid green
 eggs and ham.
 The Cat in the Frat called the cleaning
 which rolled and ka-sputtered its way
 through the scene
 Its arms and gloved hands dusted
 swept, and wipe dried
 and even did know to turn Sam on his
 At Sigma Ki Kappa Phi Epsilon Nu,
 The party lifecycle began thus anew.
 Tuesday was done and yet Wednesday
 drew near...
 The Cat had to run and go buy some
 more beer
 THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING
 OH MY FUCKINF GOD
 I LVOE YOU
 Type a message
Frat Life

Frat Life

gone home: probablyhistoricalrpgideas bumblesee hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there's no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, ause queen he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries tunn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he-is-magieally unaf and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru- cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think he's dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the fore- head, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this he died.... of hypothermia they get the dose wrong tyrannosaurus-rex additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock. watercolor-gryphon Rasputin was an old god from times before humans mad-duck He is like a cleric gone wild godlessondheimite "did rasputin do something problematic" i am going to die Source: hamtastrophe 177,175 notes Russias Greatest Love Machine
gone home: probablyhistoricalrpgideas
 bumblesee
 hamtastrophe
 it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was
 real. like there's no non-fucked up part of
 rasputin's existence
 rollinbylimpbizkit
 did he do something problematic i thought he
 was just russia's greatest love machine
 the-itchy-bitchy-spider
 basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk
 who has almost never shaved or washed and
 smells like goats shows up at the russian
 capital with a creepy look on his beardy face
 and everyone just assumes he's a prophet
 or a saint because he's got a cult following
 that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans
 are sexually obsessed with him and he gets
 just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever
 he goes cause apparently he can cure his
 true believers of illness with god-given dick
 magic. russia's queen has him come stay at
 the palace and sets him up in luxury because
 she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia
 with the power of russian goat jesus, and they
 (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause
 she craves that unwashed goat-scented
 dick like the rest of his cult which she now
 (allegedly) belongs to
 then the worst assassins in the history
 of assassinations try to assassinate him,
 ause
 queen he has too much power over the royal
 family and it's helping revolutionaries tunn
 people against the royals. so these idiots
 have him round for tea and cakes which are
 poisoned with cyanide, but he-is-magieally
 unaf
 and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three
 glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and
 he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru-
 cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver
 when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but
 they think he's dead so one of them dresses in
 his clothes and gets driven to his apartment
 to make it look like he's gone home to hide the
 crime, and when they come back he gets up
 and attacks them, so they stab him in the side
 with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he
 frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot
 him a few times more, including in the fore-
 head, and they wrap his body up and chuck
 him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the
 water, so his body is found on the ice the next
 day. and get this he died.... of hypothermia
 they get the dose wrong
 tyrannosaurus-rex
 additionally, everyone who wasnt in the
 party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty
 bummed out when they found him and his
 miracle dick dead the next day and there was
 a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal
 family themselves attended. however after
 the tsar was overthrown a few month later
 they exhumed his body and burned it because
 the new leadership was very adamant about
 making sure there were no ties left to honor
 the old monarchy. however this dudes
 body had never been properly prepped for
 a cremation which meant that under the
 extreme heat his tendons and ligaments
 began to retract and shrink causing his dead
 body to move and twitch around as if still
 animate. according to some testimony his
 body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and
 at least one spectator fired a gun at the body
 and another may have allegedly died of shock.
 watercolor-gryphon
 Rasputin was an old god from times
 before humans
 mad-duck
 He is like a cleric gone wild
 godlessondheimite
 "did rasputin do something problematic"
 i am going to die
 Source: hamtastrophe
 177,175 notes
Russias Greatest Love Machine

Russias Greatest Love Machine

gone home: hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like theres no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monlk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shos up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to. then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, ause queen he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is-magieally unaffeeted-by peisen they get the dose wrong and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru- cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think he's dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the fore head, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this.. he died.. of hypothermia. tyrannosaurus-rex additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however the tsar was overthrown a few month later after exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock. watercolor-gryphon Rasputin was an old god from times before humans mad-duck He is like a cleric gone wild unnatural-twenty Calling Rasputin a cleric is bard erasure, the dude seduced a monarch and then proceeded to pull off like 5 Nat 20's in a row. That's the most true to life bardic thing l've ever heard Source: hamtastrophe Rasputin
gone home: hamtastrophe
 it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was
 real. like theres no non-fucked up part of
 rasputin's existence
 rollinbylimpbizkit
 did he do something problematic i thought he
 was just russia's greatest love machine
 the-itchy-bitchy-spider
 basic (true) story: fanatical russian monlk
 who has almost never shaved or washed and
 smells like goats shos up at the russian
 capital with a creepy look on his beardy face
 and everyone just assumes he's a prophet
 or a saint because he's got a cult following
 that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans
 are sexually obsessed with him and he gets
 just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever
 he goes cause apparently he can cure his
 true believers of illness with god-given dick
 magic. russia's queen has him come stay at
 the palace and sets him up in luxury because
 she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia
 with the power of russian goat jesus, and they
 (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause
 she craves that unwashed goat-scented
 dick like the rest of his cult which she now
 (allegedly) belongs to.
 then the worst assassins in the history
 of assassinations try to assassinate him,
 ause
 queen he has too much power over the royal
 family and it's helping revolutionaries turn
 people against the royals. so these idiots
 have him round for tea and cakes which are
 poisoned with cyanide, but he is-magieally
 unaffeeted-by peisen they get the dose wrong
 and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three
 glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and
 he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru-
 cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver
 when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but
 they think he's dead so one of them dresses in
 his clothes and gets driven to his apartment
 to make it look like he's gone home to hide the
 crime, and when they come back he gets up
 and attacks them, so they stab him in the side
 with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he
 frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot
 him a few times more, including in the fore
 head, and they wrap his body up and chuck
 him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the
 water, so his body is found on the ice the next
 day. and get this.. he died.. of hypothermia.
 tyrannosaurus-rex
 additionally, everyone who wasnt in the
 party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty
 bummed out when they found him and his
 miracle dick dead the next day and there was
 a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal
 family themselves attended. however
 the tsar was overthrown a few month later
 after
 exhumed his body and burned it because
 the new leadership was very adamant about
 making sure there were no ties left to honor
 the old monarchy. however this dudes
 body had never been properly prepped for
 a cremation which meant that under the
 extreme heat his tendons and ligaments
 began to retract and shrink causing his dead
 body to move and twitch around as if still
 animate. according to some testimony his
 body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and
 at least one spectator fired a gun at the body
 and another may have allegedly died of shock.
 watercolor-gryphon
 Rasputin was an old god from times before
 humans
 mad-duck
 He is like a cleric gone wild
 unnatural-twenty
 Calling Rasputin a cleric is bard erasure, the
 dude seduced a monarch and then proceeded
 to pull off like 5 Nat 20's in a row. That's the
 most true to life bardic thing l've ever heard
 Source: hamtastrophe
Rasputin

Rasputin

gone home: teaboot I swear to God I'm going to kill my pothead stoner asshole neighbors. This apartment has no fucking air circulation and it's hot as Lucifer's tits in here so I open window and it's fucking 25/7around-the-clock goddamned fucking CLOUDS of fucking weed coming up the side of the building, fucking hotboxes by proxy two stories up. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Like I could not physically give less of a steaming shit that they're smoking pot, I don't care, I don't give a FUUUUCK, but it's a beautiful 3 in the afternoon or pouring rain at 1 AM and ITS PRECIPITATING WEED SWEAT IN MY LIVIBG ROOM I swear to God they're just chucking it by the kilo onto the barbecue at this point. They've got to be hosting a fucking White Trash Bob Marley revival tour on their fucking balcony and broadcasting it live to Hoboken They're doing a goddamned kush marathon fundraiser to raise awareness for discontinued Doritos flavours I can hear them coughing smoke. FROM MY BATHROOM Every so often I hear a loud ass *wheeeeze*, and I pray to the Lord that one of them has finally Gone Home To Jesus There is no reason in the entire known universe for three people to consume this much fucking devil lettuce per day. They should be dead. They're going to be the first known death caused by a marijuana overdose I cannot overstate how bad it smells When I open my window, I'm immediately astral-projected into the body of a 43 year old blonde woman with dreadlocks named Amethystglow Phoenixfire. She has an OM tattoo on top of her left foot and sells decorative gourds online. Her "spirit animal" is a tiger. She has a rescue dog and feeds it on a strict vegan diet. She doesn't believe in soap An hour later I emerge from my vision wearing a triple X size mumu, one burkinstock, and a Lulu lemon headband. I didn't own a bongo before, but I do now teaboot I promised my mama I wouldn't grow up to be a violet person but Its past midnight on a Thursday and I'm about to go downstairs and strangle these shit spewing smog muppets with my own two bare hands teaboot I have to get up at 6 AM for work tomorrow morning and I'm going to have to walk past a crime scene that looks like three oily sheepdogs were beaten to death by Oscar the grouch and I'm going to have to pretend I have no idea what happened teaboot I'm so fucking high right now teaboot HOLY FUCK THIS IS STILL MY LIFE BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE THEIR COUGHS ARE NOW A LONG, WHISTLING WHEEZE SO MAYBE GOD IS HERE TO INTERVENE Source: teaboot The neighbors are doing the weed.
gone home: teaboot
 I swear to God I'm going to kill my pothead
 stoner asshole neighbors. This apartment
 has no fucking air circulation and it's hot as
 Lucifer's tits in here so I open window and it's
 fucking 25/7around-the-clock goddamned
 fucking CLOUDS of fucking weed coming up
 the side of the building, fucking hotboxes by
 proxy two stories up. Holy fuck. Holy fuck.
 Like I could not physically give less of a
 steaming shit that they're smoking pot, I
 don't care, I don't give a FUUUUCK, but it's a
 beautiful 3 in the afternoon or pouring rain at
 1 AM and ITS PRECIPITATING WEED SWEAT
 IN MY LIVIBG ROOM
 I swear to God they're just chucking it by the
 kilo onto the barbecue at this point.
 They've got to be hosting a fucking White
 Trash Bob Marley revival tour on their fucking
 balcony and broadcasting it live to Hoboken
 They're doing a goddamned kush
 marathon fundraiser to raise awareness for
 discontinued Doritos flavours
 I can hear them coughing smoke. FROM MY
 BATHROOM
 Every so often I hear a loud ass *wheeeeze*,
 and I pray to the Lord that one of them has
 finally Gone Home To Jesus
 There is no reason in the entire known
 universe for three people to consume this
 much fucking devil lettuce per day. They
 should be dead. They're going to be the first
 known death caused by a marijuana overdose
 I cannot overstate how bad it smells
 When I open my window, I'm immediately
 astral-projected into the body of a 43 year
 old blonde woman with dreadlocks named
 Amethystglow Phoenixfire. She has an
 OM tattoo on top of her left foot and sells
 decorative gourds online. Her "spirit animal" is
 a tiger. She has a rescue dog and feeds it on a
 strict vegan diet. She doesn't believe in soap
 An hour later I emerge from my vision wearing
 a triple X size mumu, one burkinstock, and a
 Lulu lemon headband. I didn't own a bongo
 before, but I do now
 teaboot
 I promised my mama I wouldn't grow up to
 be a violet person but Its past midnight on a
 Thursday and I'm about to go downstairs and
 strangle these shit spewing smog muppets
 with my own two bare hands
 teaboot
 I have to get up at 6 AM for work tomorrow
 morning and I'm going to have to walk past
 a crime scene that looks like three oily
 sheepdogs were beaten to death by Oscar the
 grouch and I'm going to have to pretend I have
 no idea what happened
 teaboot
 I'm so fucking high right now
 teaboot
 HOLY FUCK THIS IS STILL MY LIFE BUT ON
 THE BRIGHT SIDE THEIR COUGHS ARE NOW
 A LONG, WHISTLING WHEEZE SO MAYBE
 GOD IS HERE TO INTERVENE
 Source: teaboot
The neighbors are doing the weed.

The neighbors are doing the weed.

gone home: hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there's no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to then the worst assassins in the history of as- sassinations try to assassinate him, because he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but sen they get the dose wrong and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think hes dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this. .he died... f hypothermia Source: hamtastrophe One of the first Russian Chaos Agents, Rasputin
gone home: hamtastrophe
 it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was
 real. like there's no non-fucked up part of
 rasputin's existence
 rollinbylimpbizkit
 did he do something problematic i thought he
 was just russia's greatest love machine
 the-itchy-bitchy-spider
 basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk
 who has almost never shaved or washed and
 smells like goats shows up at the russian
 capital with a creepy look on his beardy face
 and everyone just assumes he's a prophet
 or a saint because he's got a cult following
 that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans
 are sexually obsessed with him and he gets
 just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever
 he goes cause apparently he can cure his
 true believers of illness with god-given dick
 magic. russia's queen has him come stay at
 the palace and sets him up in luxury because
 she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia
 with the power of russian goat jesus, and they
 (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause
 she craves that unwashed goat-scented
 dick like the rest of his cult which she now
 (allegedly) belongs to
 then the worst assassins in the history of as-
 sassinations try to assassinate him, because
 he has
 too much power over the royal family and it's
 helping revolutionaries turn people against
 the royals. so these idiots have him round
 for tea and cakes which are poisoned with
 cyanide, but
 sen they get the dose wrong and he doesn't
 die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine,
 which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die,
 so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot
 him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't
 looking, and he doesn't die, but they think hes
 dead so one of them dresses in his clothes
 and gets driven to his apartment to make it
 look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and
 when they come back he gets up and attacks
 them, so they stab him in the side with a knife,
 and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself
 and runs outside, so they shoot him a few
 times more, including in the forehead, and
 they wrap his body up and chuck him in the
 icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so
 his body is found on the ice the next day. and
 get this. .he died... f hypothermia
 Source: hamtastrophe
One of the first Russian Chaos Agents, Rasputin

One of the first Russian Chaos Agents, Rasputin

gone home: The people in the apartment below me are playing "Never Have I Ever" and I'm smoking on my porch creeping on their game Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn't intentional! I didn't know what they were doing!!! Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshint contest Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo) Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH Katy: Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche Brandon: l'm being singled out I hate you all tom-nippleston Guy 2: Never have I ever had a Pause] Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?1?1?!?! Katy: Shut up Andrew it's before we even knew each other this was years ago!! Pause] Andrew: And you won't even watch porn with me.. (the family is disintegrating) Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational Ever... game of Never Havel People saying 'cheers'] (stop fighting guys you're tearing this family apart...) Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food. Pause] Andrew: Dude Brandon: Dude Katy: Dude omg Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana! Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks. Ester: what the fuck though. Whatever (Don't let them kink shame you Ester I still love you) tom-nippleston #Team Ester #BananaSplits tom-nippleston Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side #Team Ester #TeamKink tom-nippleston Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew #TeamBananaFucking tom-nippleston Ester: Never have I ever had a crush on a family member Brandon: [random fumbling noises) Katy: brandon omg ew Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND WAS 13 IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED Ester: methinks thou dost protest too fucking much Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew #TeamBananaFucking #TeamwhatTheFuckBrandon tom-nippleston Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana #BananaCream Pie #Team Ester hotmenandotherdistractions This is spectacular Since you've been gone 191,448 notes Source: tom-nipp Sitch Never have i ever
gone home: The people in the apartment below me
 are playing "Never Have I Ever" and I'm
 smoking on my porch creeping on their
 game
 Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY
 walked in on my parents having sex
 Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn't
 intentional! I didn't know what they were
 doing!!!
 Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is
 THAT oblivious take your drink
 Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshint
 contest
 Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you
 boo)
 Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my
 genitals
 Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH
 Katy: Whatever bitch, take a drink you
 Prince Albert having douche
 Brandon: l'm being singled out I hate you
 all
 tom-nippleston
 Guy 2: Never have I ever had a
 Pause]
 Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?1?1?!?!
 Katy: Shut up Andrew it's before we even
 knew each other this was years ago!!
 Pause]
 Andrew: And you won't even watch porn
 with me..
 (the family is disintegrating)
 Brandon: Never have I ever been in such
 a confrontational
 Ever...
 game of Never Havel
 People saying 'cheers']
 (stop fighting guys you're tearing this
 family apart...)
 Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH
 a piece of food.
 Pause]
 Andrew: Dude
 Brandon: Dude
 Katy: Dude omg
 Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has
 practiced giving head with a banana!
 Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just
 practice on dicks.
 Ester: what the fuck though. Whatever
 (Don't let them kink shame you Ester I
 still love you)
 tom-nippleston
 #Team Ester
 #BananaSplits
 tom-nippleston
 Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it
 andrew. Explore your wild side
 #Team Ester #TeamKink
 tom-nippleston
 Brandon: Never have I ever been called a
 fuckboy
 Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE
 Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew
 #TeamBananaFucking
 tom-nippleston
 Ester: Never have I ever had a crush on a
 family member
 Brandon: [random fumbling noises)
 Katy: brandon omg ew
 Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf
 man its 2016
 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND
 WAS 13 IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY
 SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH
 NOTHING HAPPENED
 Ester: methinks thou dost protest too
 fucking much
 Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT
 AGAIN
 Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot
 Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew
 #TeamBananaFucking
 #TeamwhatTheFuckBrandon
 tom-nippleston
 Katy and Andrew have gone home in an
 Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a
 designated driver, kids. And always put
 protection on your Banana
 #BananaCream Pie
 #Team Ester
 hotmenandotherdistractions
 This is spectacular
 Since you've been gone
 191,448 notes
 Source: tom-nipp
 Sitch
Never have i ever

Never have i ever

gone home: kaylumjust-me-bruh tom-nippleston The people in the apartment below me are playing Never Have I Ever" and Im smoking on my porch creeping on their game tom-nippleston Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn't intentional! I didn't know what they were doing!!! Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink tom-nippleston Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshirt contest Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo) tom-nippleston Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH! Katy Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche Brandon: I'm being singled out I hate you all tom-nippleston Guy 2: Never have l ever had a threescone ause Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?1?1?1? Katy Shut up Andrew it's before we even knew each other this was years ago!!! ause Andrew: And you won't even watch porn with me (the family is disintegrating) tom-nippleston Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational game of Never Have I Ever People saying cheers] (stop fighting guys you're tearing this family apar.....) tom-nippleston Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food ause Andrew: Dude Brandon: Dude Katy Dude omg Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana! Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks Ester what the fuck though. Whatever (Don't let them kink shame you Ester I still love you) tom-nippleston #TeamE ster tom-nippleston Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side #TeamE ster #TeamKink tom-nippleston Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew #TeamBananaFucking tom-nippleston Ester. Never have l ever had a crush on a family member Brandon: [random fumbling noises Katy: brandon omg ew Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND I WAS 13 IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED Ester. methinks thou dost protest too fucking much Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew #TeamBananaFucking #TeamWhatTheFuckBrandon tom-nippleston Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana #TeamE ster hotmenandotherdistractions This is spectacular Source: tom-nippleston 56,093 notes love how thoughout the text you learn their names Never have I ever
gone home: kaylumjust-me-bruh
 tom-nippleston
 The people in the apartment below me are playing Never Have I Ever" and Im
 smoking on my porch creeping on their game
 tom-nippleston
 Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex
 Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn't intentional! I didn't know what they were
 doing!!!
 Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink
 tom-nippleston
 Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshirt contest
 Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo)
 tom-nippleston
 Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals
 Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH!
 Katy Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche
 Brandon: I'm being singled out I hate you all
 tom-nippleston
 Guy 2: Never have l ever had a threescone
 ause
 Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?1?1?1?
 Katy Shut up Andrew it's before we even knew each other this was years
 ago!!!
 ause
 Andrew: And you won't even watch porn with me
 (the family is disintegrating)
 tom-nippleston
 Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational game of Never Have
 I Ever
 People saying cheers]
 (stop fighting guys you're tearing this family apar.....)
 tom-nippleston
 Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food
 ause
 Andrew: Dude
 Brandon: Dude
 Katy Dude omg
 Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana!
 Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks
 Ester what the fuck though. Whatever
 (Don't let them kink shame you Ester I still love you)
 tom-nippleston
 #TeamE ster
 tom-nippleston
 Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side
 #TeamE ster #TeamKink
 tom-nippleston
 Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy
 Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE
 Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew
 #TeamBananaFucking
 tom-nippleston
 Ester. Never have l ever had a crush on a family member
 Brandon: [random fumbling noises
 Katy: brandon omg ew
 Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016
 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND I WAS 13 IT'S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY
 SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED
 Ester. methinks thou dost protest too fucking much
 Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN
 Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot
 Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew
 #TeamBananaFucking #TeamWhatTheFuckBrandon
 tom-nippleston
 Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use
 a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana
 #TeamE ster
 hotmenandotherdistractions
 This is spectacular
 Source: tom-nippleston
 56,093 notes
 love how thoughout the text you learn their names

Never have I ever

Never have I ever