fortunes
 fortunes

fortunes

chonging
 chonging

chonging

fortune
 fortune

fortune

wheel
 wheel

wheel

dont
 dont

dont

chong
chong

chong

import
import

import

observant
observant

observant

lovely
lovely

lovely

overeating
overeating

overeating

🔥 | Latest

Bad, Candy, and Cars: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More memesandmagik: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder Literally, the entire point of the tradition of trick-or-treating involved feeding your hungry neighbors in exchange for blessings, prayers for your dead, and good luck. To deny someone of a “treat” was bad luck and thought to anger the fae.  So yeah I hope her house gets egged and her wealth mysteriously dissipates without warning. 
Bad, Candy, and Cars: Slate.com
 5 hrs .
 Slate
 Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy?
 aT
 T-T
 Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick-
 or-Treating in Mine.
 Slate.com

 Dear Prudence,
 I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods
 in the country, but on one of the more
 "modest" streets-mostly doctors and
 lawyers and family business owners. (A few
 blocks away are billionaires, families with
 famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I
 have noticed that on Halloween, what seems
 like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are
 clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids
 arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate
 areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween
 isn't a social service or a charity in which l
 have to buy candy for less fortunate children
 Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible
 person, because what's the big deal about
 making less fortunate kids happy on a
 holiday? But it just bugs me, because we
 already pay more than enough taxes toward
 actual social services. Should Halloween be a
 neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a
 free-for-all in which people hunt down the
 best candy grounds for their kids?
 91.6K 705
 Slate
 Slate.com's Post
 See More
memesandmagik:
ryulongd:

rune-midgarts:

goodtimegang:

brakehagev2:

guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this

“more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates


lol this is amazing 

Dear Prudie,
I think I just witnessed a murder

Literally, the entire point of the tradition of trick-or-treating involved feeding your hungry neighbors in exchange for blessings, prayers for your dead, and good luck. To deny someone of a “treat” was bad luck and thought to anger the fae. 
So yeah I hope her house gets egged and her wealth mysteriously dissipates without warning. 

memesandmagik: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than ...

Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More buchergenuss32: wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster GET HER PRUDENCE Link!
Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com
 5 hrs .
 Slate
 Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy?
 aT
 T-T
 Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick-
 or-Treating in Mine.
 Slate.com

 Dear Prudence,
 I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods
 in the country, but on one of the more
 "modest" streets-mostly doctors and
 lawyers and family business owners. (A few
 blocks away are billionaires, families with
 famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I
 have noticed that on Halloween, what seems
 like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are
 clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids
 arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate
 areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween
 isn't a social service or a charity in which l
 have to buy candy for less fortunate children
 Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible
 person, because what's the big deal about
 making less fortunate kids happy on a
 holiday? But it just bugs me, because we
 already pay more than enough taxes toward
 actual social services. Should Halloween be a
 neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a
 free-for-all in which people hunt down the
 best candy grounds for their kids?
 91.6K 705
 Slate
 Slate.com's Post
 See More
buchergenuss32:

wahbegan:
teaboot:

ryulongd:

rune-midgarts:

goodtimegang:

brakehagev2:

guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this

“more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates


lol this is amazing 

Dear Prudie,
I think I just witnessed a murder

You fucking monster

GET HER PRUDENCE

Link!

buchergenuss32: wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person w...

Candy, Cars, and Children: brakehagev2 Slate.com 5 hrs Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine Slate.com Dear Prudence I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? Slate.com's Post See More > guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this goodtimegang "more than enough" oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates rune-midgarts lol this is amazing ryulongd Dear 99, In the urban neighborhood where I used to live, families who were not from the immediate area would come in fairly large groups to trick-or-treat on our streets, which were safe, well-lit, and full of people overstocked with candy. It was delightful to see the little mermaids, spider-men, ghosts, and the occasional axe murderer excitedly run up and down our front steps, having the time of their lives. So we'd spend an extra $20 to make sure we had enough candy for kids who weren't as fortunate as ours. There you are, 99, on the impoverished side of Greenwich or Beverly Hills, with the other struggling lawyers, doctors, and business owners. Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real pitchforks. Stop being callous and miserly and go to Costco, you cheapskate, and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to marvel at how the 1 percent live. -Prudie Dear Prudie I think I just witnessed a murder teaboot You fucking monster wahbegan GET HER PRUDENCE Is it that hard to not be a jerk for one night
Candy, Cars, and Children: brakehagev2
 Slate.com
 5 hrs
 Slate
 Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy?
 Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick-
 or-Treating in Mine
 Slate.com
 Dear Prudence
 I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods
 in the country, but on one of the more
 "modest" streets-mostly doctors and
 lawyers and family business owners. (A few
 blocks away are billionaires, families with
 famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I
 have noticed that on Halloween, what seems
 like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are
 clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids
 arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate
 areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween
 isn't a social service or a charity in which I
 have to buy candy for less fortunate children.
 Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible
 person, because what's the big deal about
 making less fortunate kids happy on a
 holiday? But it just bugs me, because we
 already pay more than enough taxes toward
 actual social services. Should Halloween be a
 neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a
 free-for-all in which people hunt down the
 best candy grounds for their kids?
 Slate.com's Post
 See More >
 guys this is actually real like a real
 person wrote this
 goodtimegang
 "more than enough" oh you fucking
 saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto
 the unfortunates
 rune-midgarts
 lol this is amazing
 ryulongd
 Dear 99,
 In the urban neighborhood where I used to live, families who were not from the
 immediate area would come in fairly large groups to trick-or-treat on our
 streets, which were safe, well-lit, and full of people overstocked with candy. It
 was delightful to see the little mermaids, spider-men, ghosts, and the occasional
 axe murderer excitedly run up and down our front steps, having the time of their
 lives. So we'd spend an extra $20 to make sure we had enough candy for kids
 who weren't as fortunate as ours. There you are, 99, on the impoverished side of
 Greenwich or Beverly Hills, with the other struggling lawyers, doctors, and
 business owners. Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual
 poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real
 pitchforks. Stop being callous and miserly and go to Costco, you cheapskate,
 and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to
 marvel at how the 1 percent live.
 -Prudie
 Dear Prudie
 I think I just witnessed a murder
 teaboot
 You fucking monster
 wahbegan
 GET HER PRUDENCE
Is it that hard to not be a jerk for one night

Is it that hard to not be a jerk for one night

Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster GET HER PRUDENCE
Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com
 5 hrs .
 Slate
 Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy?
 aT
 T-T
 Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick-
 or-Treating in Mine.
 Slate.com

 Dear Prudence,
 I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods
 in the country, but on one of the more
 "modest" streets-mostly doctors and
 lawyers and family business owners. (A few
 blocks away are billionaires, families with
 famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I
 have noticed that on Halloween, what seems
 like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are
 clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids
 arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate
 areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween
 isn't a social service or a charity in which l
 have to buy candy for less fortunate children
 Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible
 person, because what's the big deal about
 making less fortunate kids happy on a
 holiday? But it just bugs me, because we
 already pay more than enough taxes toward
 actual social services. Should Halloween be a
 neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a
 free-for-all in which people hunt down the
 best candy grounds for their kids?
 91.6K 705
 Slate
 Slate.com's Post
 See More
wahbegan:
teaboot:

ryulongd:

rune-midgarts:

goodtimegang:

brakehagev2:

guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this

“more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates


lol this is amazing 

Dear Prudie,
I think I just witnessed a murder

You fucking monster

GET HER PRUDENCE

wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more ...

Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More kari-izumi: wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder You fucking monster GET HER PRUDENCE Holy shit, white people are wild 😂🙄
Candy, Cars, and Children: Slate.com
 5 hrs .
 Slate
 Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy?
 aT
 T-T
 Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick-
 or-Treating in Mine.
 Slate.com

 Dear Prudence,
 I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods
 in the country, but on one of the more
 "modest" streets-mostly doctors and
 lawyers and family business owners. (A few
 blocks away are billionaires, families with
 famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I
 have noticed that on Halloween, what seems
 like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are
 clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids
 arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate
 areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween
 isn't a social service or a charity in which l
 have to buy candy for less fortunate children
 Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible
 person, because what's the big deal about
 making less fortunate kids happy on a
 holiday? But it just bugs me, because we
 already pay more than enough taxes toward
 actual social services. Should Halloween be a
 neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a
 free-for-all in which people hunt down the
 best candy grounds for their kids?
 91.6K 705
 Slate
 Slate.com's Post
 See More
kari-izumi:
wahbegan:

teaboot:

ryulongd:

rune-midgarts:

goodtimegang:

brakehagev2:

guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this

“more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates


lol this is amazing 

Dear Prudie,
I think I just witnessed a murder

You fucking monster

GET HER PRUDENCE


Holy shit, white people are wild 😂🙄

kari-izumi: wahbegan: teaboot: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote...

Church, Community, and Dude: DID YOU KNOW? G: STANDUP9 Joel Osteen's net worth is $50,000,000 USD, of which he pays no taxes on since he made it through the church. He lives in a $10.5m dollar mansion in Royal Oaks, CA, where he prays for the poor and less fortunate. Do you remember when Hurricane Harvey rolled into town and he had the nerve to say he didn’t want to open his mega church doors because it would get dirty?! There was even footage taken place outside of his MEGACHURCH of his doors shut and workers inside. I was sent two of these videos personally and my content reached 100s of thousands. (Just want to address that before his minions start to defend this scam artist) Then after multiple viral videos shared online he finally opens the doors to the community in which he says he serves under God’s oath. This dude is a straight liar and manipulator just like ALL others that own these Mega Churches. In my opinion the bigger the church the less positive intentions they have. Why build a multi-million or even billion dollar temple - church when you can create sustainable infrastructure to allow life to thrive for the longevity of humanity. The only reason why they build these structures is out of pure ego! They want to leave their mark and compete against one another to see who has the biggest or most structures standing. It’s so sad to see all this money and energy go to waste! standup911 - Back up - @_standup911 Event page - @_meetingoftheminds
Church, Community, and Dude: DID YOU KNOW?
 G: STANDUP9
 Joel Osteen's net worth is $50,000,000 USD,
 of which he pays no taxes on since he made
 it through the church. He lives in a $10.5m
 dollar mansion in Royal Oaks, CA, where he
 prays for the poor and less fortunate.
Do you remember when Hurricane Harvey rolled into town and he had the nerve to say he didn’t want to open his mega church doors because it would get dirty?! There was even footage taken place outside of his MEGACHURCH of his doors shut and workers inside. I was sent two of these videos personally and my content reached 100s of thousands. (Just want to address that before his minions start to defend this scam artist) Then after multiple viral videos shared online he finally opens the doors to the community in which he says he serves under God’s oath. This dude is a straight liar and manipulator just like ALL others that own these Mega Churches. In my opinion the bigger the church the less positive intentions they have. Why build a multi-million or even billion dollar temple - church when you can create sustainable infrastructure to allow life to thrive for the longevity of humanity. The only reason why they build these structures is out of pure ego! They want to leave their mark and compete against one another to see who has the biggest or most structures standing. It’s so sad to see all this money and energy go to waste! standup911 - Back up - @_standup911 Event page - @_meetingoftheminds

Do you remember when Hurricane Harvey rolled into town and he had the nerve to say he didn’t want to open his mega church doors because it w...

Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.

bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie...

Another One, Bad, and Beef: work theater ab a movie and when sklnny biEches order diet, coke.laive them regular. Wahahahaha pomrania: fibrochemist: iambloggingthat: tired-philosopher: prismatic-bell: trickstersgambit: greenteamoon: 40yodater: fiaspice: carnistprivilege: evilythedwarf: untapdtreasure: willowfae82: minnigem: iopele: obstinate-nocturna: sailornightfury: toboldlygowherethewinchestersare: classykatelyn: housebuiltbyghosts: kimchicutie: acorn-burglar: theforcekeepers: DO NOT DO THIS. This makes me so angry. If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you. My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic. When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die. If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded. Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing. Please signal boost this so people know. This also applies to baristas Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit.  I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte. 5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it. Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm. So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!!  also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this.  I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw).  Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time. But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less). Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal. So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences. I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone. Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence. My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off. I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one.  but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER! I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again. cut this shit out don’t be that kind of asshole. As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS! Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me. I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED. i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard. Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”. 90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before. When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them! Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important!  I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim.  I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice. I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it. Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick. I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around. Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health. DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered This is why turning legitimate illness into fad is stupid! You’re fucking killing people. Just don’t be a dick. Seriously, if you hate a customer, just badmouth them once they’re gone, or give them the finger under the counter; you’ll get just as much satisfaction, and you won’t run the risk of accidentally killing someone.
Another One, Bad, and Beef: work
 theater
 ab a movie
 and when sklnny biEches
 order diet, coke.laive them
 regular. Wahahahaha
pomrania:

fibrochemist:

iambloggingthat:

tired-philosopher:

prismatic-bell:

trickstersgambit:

greenteamoon:

40yodater:

fiaspice:

carnistprivilege:

evilythedwarf:

untapdtreasure:

willowfae82:

minnigem:

iopele:

obstinate-nocturna:

sailornightfury:

toboldlygowherethewinchestersare:

classykatelyn:

housebuiltbyghosts:

kimchicutie:

acorn-burglar:

theforcekeepers:

DO NOT DO THIS.
This makes me so angry.
If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you.
My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic.
When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die.
If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded.
Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing.
Please signal boost this so people know.

This also applies to baristas

Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit. 
I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte.
5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it.
Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm.
So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death

also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!! 
also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this. 

I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw). 
Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time. 
But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less). 
Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal.
So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences. 

I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone.

Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence.

My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off.

I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one. 
but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER!

I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again.
cut this shit out

don’t be that kind of asshole. 

As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS! 

Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me.  I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED.

i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard.

Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”.
90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before.
When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them!

Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important! 
I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim. 


I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice.


I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it.
Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick.

I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around.


Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health.


DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E

Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered


This is why turning legitimate illness into fad is stupid! You’re fucking killing people. Just don’t be a dick.

Seriously, if you hate a customer, just badmouth them once they’re gone, or give them the finger under the counter; you’ll get just as much satisfaction, and you won’t run the risk of accidentally killing someone.

pomrania: fibrochemist: iambloggingthat: tired-philosopher: prismatic-bell: trickstersgambit: greenteamoon: 40yodater: fiaspice: ca...

Children, Crying, and Fall: My mother taught me.. TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside I just finished cleaning." RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." FORESIGHT Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.." OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." CONTORTIONIST. Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! STAMINA... "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." WEATHER. This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times Don't exaggerate!" CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.." BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION Stop acting like your father" ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." ANTICIPATION Just wait until we get home." RECEIVING "You are going to get it when you get home!" MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." ESP. Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow fr GENETICS. You're just like your father." ROOTS Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." JUSTICE One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!! THE META PICTURE <p><a href="https://epicjohndoe.tumblr.com/post/172737627964/things-you-can-only-learn-from-your-mother" class="tumblr_blog">epicjohndoe</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Things You Can Only Learn From Your Mother</p></blockquote>
Children, Crying, and Fall: My mother
 taught me..
 TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
 "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside
 I just finished cleaning."
 RELIGION
 "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
 TIME TRAVEL
 "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
 you into the middle of next week!"
 LOGIC.
 "Because I said so, that's why."
 MORE LOGIC
 "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
 you're not going to the store with me."
 FORESIGHT
 Make sure you wear clean underwear,
 in case you're in an accident."
 IRONY.
 "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry
 about.."
 OSMOSIS.
 "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
 CONTORTIONIST.
 Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!
 STAMINA...
 "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
 WEATHER.
 This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through
 HYPOCRISY
 "If I told you once, I've told you a million times
 Don't exaggerate!"
 CIRCLE OF LIFE.
 "I brought you into this world, and I can take you
 out.."
 BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
 Stop acting like your father"
 ENVY
 "There are millions of less fortunate children in
 this world who don't have wonderful parents like you
 do."
 ANTICIPATION
 Just wait until we get home."
 RECEIVING
 "You are going to get it when you get home!"
 MEDICAL SCIENCE
 "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are
 going to get stuck that way."
 ESP.
 Put your sweater on; don't you think
 I know when you are cold?"
 HUMOR.
 "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
 don't come running to me."
 HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
 "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow
 fr
 GENETICS.
 You're just like your father."
 ROOTS
 Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were
 born in a barn?"
 WISDOM
 "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
 JUSTICE
 One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn
 out just like you!!
 THE META PICTURE
<p><a href="https://epicjohndoe.tumblr.com/post/172737627964/things-you-can-only-learn-from-your-mother" class="tumblr_blog">epicjohndoe</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>Things You Can Only Learn From Your Mother</p></blockquote>

epicjohndoe: Things You Can Only Learn From Your Mother

Confidence, Dogs, and Fedora: Letter 1 2/9/2018 Subject: Letter 1 Date: Mon, Jan 29, 2018 10:00 am To whom it may concern: My name is Alex. Although I may not be your bartender tonight (I sure do hope been Jason's bartender for the last decade. As a ba You get the opportunity to meet all different kinds someday I'm able to be!), I have of walks of life and learn how to read people very well. Some in and out of your life, while others you choose to keep around. When you come across someone as rtender you get to know some people on a very deep level votten to know Jason really well; everything from his taste in music, work ethic, and his le. Jason's taste in music could be summed up pretty easy (and this goes along with his personality, as they styl should reflect each other), he's got an old soul. He enjoys a classical style of music that helps to promotes thinking, relaxation, and self-growth. He's always been able to keep the bar in a good vibe as he picks the music on the jukebox. He has always kept a job for an extended period of time. He's well versed in bartending (customer service in general), welding, and he is currently an electrician. Jason is known to sport a fedora when it matches well with his jacket. He's always been able to rock those black frame glasses and stand out as a particular handsome fella in a crowd. One area that Jason has continuously impressed me is the way he has treated his past girlfriends and how deep and intimate their relationships were. He has always been a stand up gentleman and communicated with them very well about anything from their relationship to how he feels about something happening in his life. He isn't the kind of guy who's going to pay for everything for you. He enjoys a woman that is self-dependent and knows what she likes and wants out of life. But he is also willing to grow with you as you grow without jealousy regarding it. Jason has always had a confidence and carried himself in that manner. Jason, over the years, has spent his free time volunteering with the developmentally disabled. I feel this is an important point to make because it transitions into so many different aspects of his life. He's patient, trustworthy logical and funny. He has also had a few dogs over the years that were great dogs. His most recent dog (Sylvie) is just the sweetest animal and very fortunate to have Jason as her owner (especially with his tenderheartedness) considering her previous owner (ask Jason, it's his story to tell) I feel that this letter can really be summed up in a few sentences'. Jason is one of the best people I've had the pleasure of calling my friend. He's stands up for what he believes in, makes good choices and treats people well overall. Any woman who chooses to be in his life and he chooses to share his life with are extremely lucky in my opinion Kuddos to you for receiving this letter, as you must be a very spectacular gall Cheers, Alex O https://mail.aol.com/webmail-std/en-us/PrintMessage Friends first Tinder date. She was handed this as soon as they met.
Confidence, Dogs, and Fedora: Letter 1
 2/9/2018
 Subject: Letter 1
 Date: Mon, Jan 29, 2018 10:00 am
 To whom it may concern:
 My name is Alex. Although I may not be your bartender tonight (I sure do hope
 been Jason's bartender for the last decade. As a ba
 You get the opportunity to meet all different kinds
 someday I'm able to be!), I have
 of walks of life and learn how to read people very well. Some
 in and out of your life, while others you choose to keep around. When you come across someone as
 rtender you get to know some people on a very deep level
 votten to know Jason really well; everything from his taste in music, work ethic, and his
 le. Jason's taste in music could be summed up pretty easy (and this goes along with his personality, as they
 styl
 should reflect each other), he's got an old soul. He enjoys a classical style of music that helps to promotes
 thinking, relaxation, and self-growth. He's always been able to keep the bar in a good vibe as he picks the music
 on the jukebox. He has always kept a job for an extended period of time. He's well versed in bartending
 (customer service in general), welding, and he is currently an electrician. Jason is known to sport a fedora when
 it matches well with his jacket. He's always been able to rock those black frame glasses and stand out as a
 particular handsome fella in a crowd.
 One area that Jason has continuously impressed me is the way he has treated his past girlfriends and how deep
 and intimate their relationships were. He has always been a stand up gentleman and communicated with them
 very well about anything from their relationship to how he feels about something happening in his life. He isn't
 the kind of guy who's going to pay for everything for you. He enjoys a woman that is self-dependent and knows
 what she likes and wants out of life. But he is also willing to grow with you as you grow without jealousy
 regarding it. Jason has always had a confidence and carried himself in that manner.
 Jason, over the years, has spent his free time volunteering with the developmentally disabled. I feel this is an
 important point to make because it transitions into so many different aspects of his life. He's patient, trustworthy
 logical and funny. He has also had a few dogs over the years that were great dogs. His most recent dog (Sylvie)
 is just the sweetest animal and very fortunate to have Jason as her owner (especially with his tenderheartedness)
 considering her previous owner (ask Jason, it's his story to tell)
 I feel that this letter can really be summed up in a few sentences'. Jason is one of the best people I've had the
 pleasure of calling my friend. He's stands up for what he believes in, makes good choices and treats people well
 overall. Any woman who chooses to be in his life and he chooses to share his life with are extremely lucky in
 my opinion
 Kuddos to you for receiving this letter, as you must be a very spectacular gall
 Cheers,
 Alex O
 https://mail.aol.com/webmail-std/en-us/PrintMessage
Friends first Tinder date. She was handed this as soon as they met.

Friends first Tinder date. She was handed this as soon as they met.

Memes, Respect, and Wshh: FatBoySSE handing out breakfast to the less fortunate in LosAngeles! 🙌💯 @FatBoy_SSE Respect WSHH
Memes, Respect, and Wshh: FatBoySSE handing out breakfast to the less fortunate in LosAngeles! 🙌💯 @FatBoy_SSE Respect WSHH

FatBoySSE handing out breakfast to the less fortunate in LosAngeles! 🙌💯 @FatBoy_SSE Respect WSHH

Barcelona, Memes, and China: ASCH MASCI AS I was the fortunate one, OFFICIAL: Javier Mascherano will leave Barcelona on January 26th for Hebei China Fortune FC.... 👋🏼 He won it all! 🏆 [🎥FCBarcelona]
Barcelona, Memes, and China: ASCH
 MASCI
 AS
 I was the fortunate one,
OFFICIAL: Javier Mascherano will leave Barcelona on January 26th for Hebei China Fortune FC.... 👋🏼 He won it all! 🏆 [🎥FCBarcelona]

OFFICIAL: Javier Mascherano will leave Barcelona on January 26th for Hebei China Fortune FC.... 👋🏼 He won it all! 🏆 [🎥FCBarcelona]

Another One, Bad, and Beef: work theater ab a movie and when sklnny biEches order diet, coke.laive them regular. Wahahahaha youcannotbesirius: flufferanian: iambloggingthat: tired-philosopher: prismatic-bell: trickstersgambit: greenteamoon: 40yodater: fiaspice: carnistprivilege: evilythedwarf: untapdtreasure: willowfae82: minnigem: iopele: obstinate-nocturna: sailornightfury: toboldlygowherethewinchestersare: classykatelyn: housebuiltbyghosts: kimchicutie: acorn-burglar: theforcekeepers: DO NOT DO THIS. This makes me so angry. If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you. My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic. When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die. If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded. Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing. Please signal boost this so people know. This also applies to baristas Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit.  I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte. 5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it. Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm. So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!!  also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this.  I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw).  Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time. But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less). Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal. So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences. I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone. Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence. My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off. I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one.  but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER! I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again. cut this shit out don’t be that kind of asshole. As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS! Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me. I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED. i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard. Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”. 90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before. When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them! Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important!  I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim.  I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice. I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it. Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick. I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around. Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health. DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered reblogging bc that is not only hurtful but also stereotypical towards white women, even if said person is an asshole. My dad is allergic to dairy, if he gets any he’s miserable for hours because of the shit it does to his digestive system.
Another One, Bad, and Beef: work
 theater
 ab a movie
 and when sklnny biEches
 order diet, coke.laive them
 regular. Wahahahaha
youcannotbesirius:
flufferanian:

iambloggingthat:

tired-philosopher:

prismatic-bell:

trickstersgambit:

greenteamoon:

40yodater:

fiaspice:

carnistprivilege:

evilythedwarf:

untapdtreasure:

willowfae82:

minnigem:

iopele:

obstinate-nocturna:

sailornightfury:

toboldlygowherethewinchestersare:

classykatelyn:

housebuiltbyghosts:

kimchicutie:

acorn-burglar:

theforcekeepers:

DO NOT DO THIS.
This makes me so angry.
If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you.
My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic.
When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die.
If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded.
Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing.
Please signal boost this so people know.

This also applies to baristas

Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit. 
I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte.
5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it.
Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm.
So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death

also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!! 
also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this. 

I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw). 
Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time. 
But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less). 
Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal.
So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences. 

I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone.

Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence.

My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off.

I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one. 
but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER!

I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again.
cut this shit out

don’t be that kind of asshole. 

As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS! 

Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me.  I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED.

i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard.

Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”.
90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before.
When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them!

Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important! 
I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim. 


I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice.


I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it.
Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick.

I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around.


Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health.


DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E

Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered

reblogging bc that is not only hurtful but also stereotypical towards white women, even if said person is an asshole.


My dad is allergic to dairy, if he gets any he’s miserable for hours because of the shit it does to his digestive system.

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