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I Will Kill You
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I Will Kill You

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A Dream, Click, and Fake: Do you want to know something that people don't tell you about being married for a long time? You actually do run out of things to talk about I know you might think I am kidding, but I am being a million percent truthsies over here. As a child, I always wondered what married people talked about, and was assured by many a family member that there were always things to discuss This is a lie. A big, fat one. It's really unfortunate that no one was truthful with me, because here I am with nothing to say and completely unprepared on how to deal. My husband and I go on a weekly date night and after I go into detail about my wild day working from home (I ate a Lean Cuisine, I answered three emails, I found a dollar in the wash), I have nothing. The other day I started to tell my husband about this super interesting thing that had happened, but then I was like, "oh never mind, I'm saving that for our date tonight" and he's like "um, WHAT?" and I was like, "well, when I've got something good I save it for date night so I have something to talk about. It seems like such a waste to spend it on a regular day. So then he thought that was one of the weirdest things he's ever heard about, which I assumed maybe HE already did that too? But he was like, "No, people do not do that." It's like I don't know how to be a person the right way sometimes. Every now and again my husband will ask "did you bake anything today, hon?" and ifI made Créme Bruleé Brownies I say "nope" because I'm hiding them and don't want to share. These fudgy little bites of bliss are covered in a thick vanilla custard that slices up like a dream. A sprinkling of sugar and a run under the broiler gets that caramelized, crackly top. Basically, these are perfect and you need them right now. That is all benepla: kramergate: I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood this ending in a recipe literally changed my fucking life i thought i was being spread some fucking truisms abt the ugliness of marriage but it was literally a preamble to creme brulee brownies. writing is fake
A Dream, Click, and Fake: Do you want to know something that people
 don't tell you about being married for a long
 time?
 You actually do run out of things to talk about
 I know you might think I am kidding, but I am
 being a million percent truthsies over here. As
 a child, I always wondered what married
 people talked about, and was assured by many
 a family member that there were always things
 to discuss
 This is a lie. A big, fat one.

 It's really unfortunate that no one was truthful
 with me, because here I am with nothing to say
 and completely unprepared on how to deal. My
 husband and I go on a weekly date night and
 after I go into detail about my wild day
 working from home (I ate a Lean Cuisine, I
 answered three emails, I found a dollar in the
 wash), I have nothing.
 The other day I started to tell my husband
 about this super interesting thing that had
 happened, but then I was like, "oh never mind,
 I'm saving that for our date tonight" and he's
 like "um, WHAT?" and I was like, "well, when
 I've got something good I save it for date night
 so I have something to talk about. It seems like
 such a waste to spend it on a regular day.
 So then he thought that was one of the weirdest
 things he's ever heard about, which I assumed
 maybe HE already did that too? But he was
 like, "No, people do not do that."
 It's like I don't know how to be a person the
 right way sometimes.

 Every now and again my husband will ask
 "did you bake anything today, hon?" and ifI
 made Créme Bruleé Brownies I say "nope"
 because I'm hiding them and don't want to
 share.
 These fudgy little bites of bliss are covered in a
 thick vanilla custard that slices up like a
 dream. A sprinkling of sugar and a run under
 the broiler gets that caramelized, crackly top.
 Basically, these are perfect and you need them
 right now. That is all
benepla:
kramergate:
I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood
this ending in a recipe literally changed my fucking life i thought i was being spread some fucking truisms abt the ugliness of marriage but it was literally a preamble to creme brulee brownies. writing is fake

benepla: kramergate: I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertati...

Driving, Fam, and God: Guess this is what heaven looks like. Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or any other car difficulty? (All my NYC followers like “what’s a car” LMAOOO bear with me with y’all non-driving a$$es dagg 😂). Anyway u had ALLLLL these plans and now ya plan is to fix the car. We all been there. And what do we do! We get agitated. We get annoyed. Well how annoyed would u be if I told u that if ya car worked perfect, you’d have made it to the road, but then u would have been part of a 16 car pileup and ended up in the hospital? Exactly. When God slow u down, that’s a test. U could be impatient. U could be annoyed. But sometime the Lord deal u a small calamity to avoid a larger calamity bc “God is the best of planners.” U gotta put it on faith and eat that and just believe that God’s change of plans was for the best for u. Aight? TO ALL MY ATHEISTS THANK U FOR BEARING WITH ME I KNOW U JUST LIKE “car trouble means you need to lease a new Toyota lol like logically there is no deeper epistemological meaning but it’s adorable that people still worship the bearded man in the sky lol” WELL THE MAN IN THE SKY IS MY HOMIE SO SOMETIMES I GOTTA SPEAK ON IT - I GOT LOVE FOR ALL HUMANS AND I LIKE TO SHARE MY TRUTH WITH OTHERS SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOKE UP TO A FLAT TIRE 😂 BLESS ON UP 😍😂😂 . . . (Slide 1: u-StarKill_er. Slide 2: u-FishCodeHuntress. Slide 3: u-OKGamesOn. Slide 4: FutureFriend8. Slide 5: DRAZZILB1424. Slide 6: TekProdFX16. Slide 7: u-HitMan917. Slide 8: u-captain_peanutbutter. Slide 9: MrDoge1337.)
Driving, Fam, and God: Guess this is what heaven looks like.
Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or any other car difficulty? (All my NYC followers like “what’s a car” LMAOOO bear with me with y’all non-driving a$$es dagg 😂). Anyway u had ALLLLL these plans and now ya plan is to fix the car. We all been there. And what do we do! We get agitated. We get annoyed. Well how annoyed would u be if I told u that if ya car worked perfect, you’d have made it to the road, but then u would have been part of a 16 car pileup and ended up in the hospital? Exactly. When God slow u down, that’s a test. U could be impatient. U could be annoyed. But sometime the Lord deal u a small calamity to avoid a larger calamity bc “God is the best of planners.” U gotta put it on faith and eat that and just believe that God’s change of plans was for the best for u. Aight? TO ALL MY ATHEISTS THANK U FOR BEARING WITH ME I KNOW U JUST LIKE “car trouble means you need to lease a new Toyota lol like logically there is no deeper epistemological meaning but it’s adorable that people still worship the bearded man in the sky lol” WELL THE MAN IN THE SKY IS MY HOMIE SO SOMETIMES I GOTTA SPEAK ON IT - I GOT LOVE FOR ALL HUMANS AND I LIKE TO SHARE MY TRUTH WITH OTHERS SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOKE UP TO A FLAT TIRE 😂 BLESS ON UP 😍😂😂 . . . (Slide 1: u-StarKill_er. Slide 2: u-FishCodeHuntress. Slide 3: u-OKGamesOn. Slide 4: FutureFriend8. Slide 5: DRAZZILB1424. Slide 6: TekProdFX16. Slide 7: u-HitMan917. Slide 8: u-captain_peanutbutter. Slide 9: MrDoge1337.)

Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or an...