Taken
Taken

Taken

School
School

School

Pressure
Pressure

Pressure

oh my god
oh my god

oh my god

Marriage
Marriage

Marriage

Gucci
Gucci

Gucci

God
God

God

Girls
Girls

Girls

Doctor
Doctor

Doctor

Children
Children

Children

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Court Reporters: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Court Reporters: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are fro...

Court Reporters: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
Court Reporters: princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the...

Court Reporters: dail alexander Follow drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at al WITNESS: Yes ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how I5 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last Stitch ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law skrill-cosby oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes Source 1,411,980 notes Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes
Court Reporters: dail
 alexander Follow
 drucila616
 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
 These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts
 and are things people actually said in court, word for
 word, taken down and published by court reporters
 that had the torment of staying calm while the
 exchanges were taking place
 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband
 said to you that morning?
 WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 WITNESS: My name is Susan!
 ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
 the impact?
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there
 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 WITNESS: July 18th
 ATTORNEY: What year?
 WITNESS: Every year
 ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
 you?
 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
 remember which
 ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years
 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
 your memory at al
 WITNESS: Yes
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
 memory?
 WITNESS: I forget..
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
 of something you forgot?
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
 person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it
 until the next morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how
 I5
 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
 taken?
 WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
 ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
 was
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: Getting laid
 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS: None.
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
 WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
 attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 WITNESS: By death.
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
 WITNESS: Take a guess
 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
 beard
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going
 with male
 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
 pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
 attorney?
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
 have you performed on dead people?
 WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much
 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
 What school did you go to?
 WITNESS: Oral..
 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
 the body?
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
 And last
 Stitch
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
 autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
 was alive when you began the autopsy?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
 ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili
 been alive, nevertheless?
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
 alive and practicing law
 skrill-cosby
 oh my god these are great
 fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
 Source
 1,411,980 notes
Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes

Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes

Court Reporters: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
Court Reporters: princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the...

Court Reporters: <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://sk-raveness.tumblr.com/post/56586834411/drucila616-how-do-court-reporters-keep-straight">sk-raveness</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://drucila616.tumblr.com/post/56271045443/how-do-court-reporters-keep-straight-faces-these">drucila616</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><span>How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?</span><br/><br/><span>These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said </span><span class="text_exposed_show">in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?<br/>WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’<br/>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?<br/>WITNESS: My name is Susan!<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_<br/>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?<br/>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?<br/>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?<br/>WITNESS: July 18th.<br/>ATTORNEY: What year?<br/>WITNESS: Every year.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_______<br/>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?<br/>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.<br/>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?<br/>WITNESS: Forty-five years.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___<br/>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br/>WITNESS: Yes.<br/>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br/>WITNESS: I forget..<br/>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_____________<br/>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?<br/>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?<br/>WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_____________<br/>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br/>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___________<br/>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br/>WITNESS: Yes.<br/>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br/>WITNESS: Getting laid<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?<br/>WITNESS: Yes.<br/>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br/>WITNESS: None.<br/>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br/>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br/>WITNESS: By death..<br/>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<br/>WITNESS: Take a guess.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_____________<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br/>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard<br/>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<br/>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_______<br/>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br/>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>________<br/>ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<br/>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___________<br/>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<br/>WITNESS: Oral…<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___________<br/>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br/>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM<br/>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br/>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br/>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?<br/><br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>________<br/>And last:<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<br/>WITNESS: No.<br/>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br/>WITNESS: No.<br/>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br/>WITNESS: No..<br/>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<br/>WITNESS: No.<br/>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br/>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br/>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br/>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.<br/></span></p> </blockquote> <p>Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.</p> </blockquote>
Court Reporters: <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://sk-raveness.tumblr.com/post/56586834411/drucila616-how-do-court-reporters-keep-straight">sk-raveness</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://drucila616.tumblr.com/post/56271045443/how-do-court-reporters-keep-straight-faces-these">drucila616</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><span>How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?</span><br/><br/><span>These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said </span><span class="text_exposed_show">in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?<br/>WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’<br/>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?<br/>WITNESS: My name is Susan!<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_<br/>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?<br/>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?<br/>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?<br/>WITNESS: July 18th.<br/>ATTORNEY: What year?<br/>WITNESS: Every year.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_______<br/>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?<br/>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.<br/>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?<br/>WITNESS: Forty-five years.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___<br/>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<br/>WITNESS: Yes.<br/>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<br/>WITNESS: I forget..<br/>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_____________<br/>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?<br/>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?<br/>WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_____________<br/>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<br/>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___________<br/>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<br/>WITNESS: Yes.<br/>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<br/>WITNESS: Getting laid<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?<br/>WITNESS: Yes.<br/>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<br/>WITNESS: None.<br/>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<br/>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<br/>WITNESS: By death..<br/>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<br/>WITNESS: Take a guess.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_____________<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<br/>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard<br/>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<br/>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>_______<br/>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<br/>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>________<br/>ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<br/>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___________<br/>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<br/>WITNESS: Oral…<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>___________<br/>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<br/>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM<br/>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br/>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.<br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>______________<br/>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<br/>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?<br/><br/>______________________________<span class="word_break"></span>________<br/>And last:<br/><br/>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<br/>WITNESS: No.<br/>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<br/>WITNESS: No.<br/>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<br/>WITNESS: No..<br/>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<br/>WITNESS: No.<br/>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<br/>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<br/>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<br/>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.<br/></span></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.</p>
</blockquote>

<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://sk-raveness.tumblr.com/post/56586834411/drucila616-how-do-court-reporters-keep-straight">sk-ravene...