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In The

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Could
Could

Could

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4 4

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Https

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If You

If You

With
With

With

Your Opinion
Your Opinion

Your Opinion

4 Hours
4 Hours

4 Hours

Exposed
Exposed

Exposed

The
The

The

🔥 | Latest

Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story
 So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole
 time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I
 go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if
 any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are
 these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they
 are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get
 completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all
 over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no
 worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to
 concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my
 struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the
 huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out
 of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look
 closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me
 with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to
 my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes!
 This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!!
 and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to
 struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It
 reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for
 gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows
 down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure
 death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my
 chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time
 knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to
 squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't
 give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle
 cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled
 pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I
 emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my
 improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate
 Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
epicjohndoe:

This Man Should Write A Novel

epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel

Driving, Fam, and God: Guess this is what heaven looks like. Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or any other car difficulty? (All my NYC followers like “what’s a car” LMAOOO bear with me with y’all non-driving a$$es dagg 😂). Anyway u had ALLLLL these plans and now ya plan is to fix the car. We all been there. And what do we do! We get agitated. We get annoyed. Well how annoyed would u be if I told u that if ya car worked perfect, you’d have made it to the road, but then u would have been part of a 16 car pileup and ended up in the hospital? Exactly. When God slow u down, that’s a test. U could be impatient. U could be annoyed. But sometime the Lord deal u a small calamity to avoid a larger calamity bc “God is the best of planners.” U gotta put it on faith and eat that and just believe that God’s change of plans was for the best for u. Aight? TO ALL MY ATHEISTS THANK U FOR BEARING WITH ME I KNOW U JUST LIKE “car trouble means you need to lease a new Toyota lol like logically there is no deeper epistemological meaning but it’s adorable that people still worship the bearded man in the sky lol” WELL THE MAN IN THE SKY IS MY HOMIE SO SOMETIMES I GOTTA SPEAK ON IT - I GOT LOVE FOR ALL HUMANS AND I LIKE TO SHARE MY TRUTH WITH OTHERS SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOKE UP TO A FLAT TIRE 😂 BLESS ON UP 😍😂😂 . . . (Slide 1: u-StarKill_er. Slide 2: u-FishCodeHuntress. Slide 3: u-OKGamesOn. Slide 4: FutureFriend8. Slide 5: DRAZZILB1424. Slide 6: TekProdFX16. Slide 7: u-HitMan917. Slide 8: u-captain_peanutbutter. Slide 9: MrDoge1337.)
Driving, Fam, and God: Guess this is what heaven looks like.
Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or any other car difficulty? (All my NYC followers like “what’s a car” LMAOOO bear with me with y’all non-driving a$$es dagg 😂). Anyway u had ALLLLL these plans and now ya plan is to fix the car. We all been there. And what do we do! We get agitated. We get annoyed. Well how annoyed would u be if I told u that if ya car worked perfect, you’d have made it to the road, but then u would have been part of a 16 car pileup and ended up in the hospital? Exactly. When God slow u down, that’s a test. U could be impatient. U could be annoyed. But sometime the Lord deal u a small calamity to avoid a larger calamity bc “God is the best of planners.” U gotta put it on faith and eat that and just believe that God’s change of plans was for the best for u. Aight? TO ALL MY ATHEISTS THANK U FOR BEARING WITH ME I KNOW U JUST LIKE “car trouble means you need to lease a new Toyota lol like logically there is no deeper epistemological meaning but it’s adorable that people still worship the bearded man in the sky lol” WELL THE MAN IN THE SKY IS MY HOMIE SO SOMETIMES I GOTTA SPEAK ON IT - I GOT LOVE FOR ALL HUMANS AND I LIKE TO SHARE MY TRUTH WITH OTHERS SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOKE UP TO A FLAT TIRE 😂 BLESS ON UP 😍😂😂 . . . (Slide 1: u-StarKill_er. Slide 2: u-FishCodeHuntress. Slide 3: u-OKGamesOn. Slide 4: FutureFriend8. Slide 5: DRAZZILB1424. Slide 6: TekProdFX16. Slide 7: u-HitMan917. Slide 8: u-captain_peanutbutter. Slide 9: MrDoge1337.)

Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or an...

Cars, Juice, and Memes: Today, I fucked up... by calling a locksmith when l was "locked out"of my car groud-On: today-ifuckedup: I'll preface this by saying I'm usually not a stupid man but I was at the end of my third 16 hour shift in a row and I was very tired. I'll make this quick: I got off work, went out to my car, hit the button for the doors on my remote unlocker as usual. Nothing happened. I tried it a few more times battery must be dead. I stand there for 10 minutes, mashing the little button, hoping for enough juice to open the doors. Nada I call a locksmith, explain that I'm locked out of my car. He says he'll be right over. 20 minutes later he arrives. He walks up with his tools, inserts a thing that looks like a blood pressure cuff in the door jamb. He starts making conversation as it inflates, pushing the door open: So locked your keys in the car? No problem sir, I'lI have it open in a minute. No, my keys are right here, my key fob is dead." I replied He stops and for about 10 seconds. Doesn't say a word. He sees my keys in my hands. Takes them from me, inserts them in the lock and opens the door I was mortified. I was so in a habit of opening the doors with my remote fob that I entirely forgot that keys could be used to unlock cars manually He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. After he stopped laughing, he told me there was no charge. The story he'd have to tell was worth the drive out Gold I'm dying at what @memezar just posted 😂😂
Cars, Juice, and Memes: Today, I fucked up... by calling a
 locksmith when l was "locked
 out"of my car
 groud-On:
 today-ifuckedup:
 I'll preface this by saying I'm usually not a stupid man but I was at the end
 of my third 16 hour shift in a row and I was very tired. I'll make this quick:
 I got off work, went out to my car, hit the button for the doors on my
 remote unlocker as usual. Nothing happened. I tried it a few more times
 battery must be dead. I stand there for 10 minutes, mashing the little
 button, hoping for enough juice to open the doors. Nada
 I call a locksmith, explain that I'm locked out of my car. He says he'll be
 right over. 20 minutes later he arrives. He walks up with his tools, inserts
 a thing that looks like a blood pressure cuff in the door jamb. He starts
 making conversation as it inflates, pushing the door open:
 So locked your keys in the car? No problem sir, I'lI have it open in a
 minute.
 No, my keys are right here, my key fob is dead." I replied
 He stops and for about 10 seconds. Doesn't say a word. He sees my
 keys in my hands. Takes them from me, inserts them in the lock and
 opens the door
 I was mortified. I was so in a habit of opening the doors with my remote
 fob that I entirely forgot that keys could be used to unlock cars manually
 He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have an
 aneurysm. After he stopped laughing, he told me there was no charge.
 The story he'd have to tell was worth the drive out
 Gold
I'm dying at what @memezar just posted 😂😂

I'm dying at what @memezar just posted 😂😂