The Ratio
The Ratio

The Ratio

Equalism
Equalism

Equalism

You Have The Wrong Number
You Have The Wrong Number

You Have The Wrong Number

neighbor
 neighbor

neighbor

pile on
 pile on

pile on

were
were

were

hoping
hoping

hoping

yours
yours

yours

ons
ons

ons

feelings
feelings

feelings

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Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | İlke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Food, Frozen, and Trap: The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes

 HOW TO TREAT A
 TONGUE STUCK
 TO A POLE
 lWarm the pole with your hands.
 Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is
 very
 when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding.
 Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole
 closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several
 minutes
 cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze
 1 Do not panic.
 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole
 3 Move closer to the pole.
 Pulling sharply will be very painful.
 As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue
 should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away
 from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on
 the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will
 quickly heal.
 | İlke z test pull.
 Get as close as possible without letting more of the
 tongue's surface area touch the pole.
 Alternative Method
 0
 se warm water
 Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and
 the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may
 freeze and exacerbate the problem.
 Be Aware
 Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own
 saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the
 small amount you will be able to generate is
 likely to freeze on your tongue..
 If another person is present, have him or her
 pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This
 may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is
 stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over
 your tongue should do the trick
 Warm the pole wih yr ui wti
 your ton

 How To THWART AN
 AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT
 er
 all
 ood/
 medi
 1S
 tial
 restau
 tuate
 fave
 hark
 an-
 e
 to
 nc-
 to

 How rO ESCAPE
 FROM A GIANT
 OCTOPUS
 1 Pull away quickly
 In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of
 small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming
 away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres-
 sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or
 if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the
 next step.
 2 Do not go limp.
 Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough,
 will check to see if you are a food item before letting
 you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or
 quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible
 sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a
 "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult.
 However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres-
 sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The
 octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring
 ou in for a closer look.
 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around
 your arms.

 The
 COMPLETE
 WORST-CASE SCENARIO
 Survival Handbook
 Includes
 Searchable CD
 With All
 11 Handbooks
 plus wallpapers,
 and more
 By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht
novelty-gift-ideas:

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Fire, Tumblr, and Blog: awesomage:COLD FIRE - HIGH POWER LASERBFCM Super Sale 40% OFFUse Coupon Code: BLACKFRIDAY
Fire, Tumblr, and Blog: awesomage:COLD FIRE - HIGH POWER LASERBFCM Super Sale 40% OFFUse Coupon Code: BLACKFRIDAY

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Beautiful, Beer, and Craigslist: NEEDED: Generic Father Figure for Backyard BBQ (Spokane) 6 fflehoneubee.com To interested individuals, We will be throwing a backyard BBQ on June 17th to celebrate beer and each other. We range in age from 21-26, and while most of us know how to operate a grill, none of us are prepared to fill the role of "BBQ Dad" That being said, we are in need of a generic father figure from 4PM to about 8PM (though you may stay the full duration of the party). Duties include: Grilling hamburgers and hotdogs (whilst drinking beer Bringing your own grill (though this is subject to change. We will provide all of the meat) Refer to all attendees as "Big Guy', "Chief", "Sport" "Champ" etc. (whilst drinking beer) Talk about dad things, like lawnmowers, building your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc. Funny anecdotes are highly encouraged. All whilst drinking beer. Desired experience: A minimum of 18 vears experience as a father A minimum of 10 years grilling experience An appreciation of a nice, cold beer on a hot summer We can't pay you in money, BUT we can give you all the food and cold beer vour heart desires. Grill for a few hours, then sit back and crack open a few cold ones with the boys. THIS IS A REAL AD. Do not hesitate to call if you are interested. Preference will be given to applicants named Bill, Randy, or Dave captainrogerss: asexual-not-asexual-detective: drunp: this is peak Craigslist Beautiful and wholesome Omg it really did happen tho 😭👏 https://www.distractify.com/humor/2018/06/05/ZnAVyw/craigslist-bbq-dad-ad
Beautiful, Beer, and Craigslist: NEEDED: Generic Father Figure
 for Backyard BBQ (Spokane) 6
 fflehoneubee.com
 To interested individuals,
 We will be throwing a backyard BBQ on June 17th to
 celebrate beer and each other. We range in age from
 21-26, and while most of us know how to operate a
 grill, none of us are prepared to fill the role of "BBQ
 Dad" That being said, we are in need of a generic
 father figure from 4PM to about 8PM (though you may
 stay the full duration of the party). Duties include:

 Grilling hamburgers and hotdogs (whilst drinking
 beer
 Bringing your own grill (though this is subject to
 change. We will provide all of the meat)
 Refer to all attendees as "Big Guy', "Chief", "Sport"
 "Champ" etc. (whilst drinking beer)
 Talk about dad things, like lawnmowers, building
 your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc. Funny anecdotes
 are highly encouraged. All whilst drinking beer.
 Desired experience:
 A minimum of 18 vears experience as a father
 A minimum of 10 years grilling experience
 An appreciation of a nice, cold beer on a hot summer
 We can't pay you in money, BUT we can give you all
 the food and cold beer vour heart desires. Grill for a
 few hours, then sit back and crack open a few cold
 ones with the boys.
 THIS IS A REAL AD. Do not hesitate to call if you are
 interested. Preference will be given to applicants
 named Bill, Randy, or Dave
captainrogerss:


asexual-not-asexual-detective:


drunp:
this is peak Craigslist

Beautiful and wholesome


Omg it really did happen tho 😭👏
https://www.distractify.com/humor/2018/06/05/ZnAVyw/craigslist-bbq-dad-ad

captainrogerss: asexual-not-asexual-detective: drunp: this is peak Craigslist Beautiful and wholesome Omg it really did happen tho 😭👏...

I Bet, Shower, and Sorry: THE EXPERIMENT A GROUP OF SCIENTISTS PLACED 5 MONKEYS IN A CAGE AND IN THE MIDDLE, A LADDER WITH BANANAS ON TOP EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE SCIENTISTS SOAKED THE REST OF THE MONKEYS WITH COLD WATER. AFTER A WHILE, EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE OTHER ONES BEAT UP THE ONE ON THE LADDER. AFTER SOME TIME, NO MONKEY DARE TO GO UP THE LADDER REGARDLESS OF THE TEMPTATION. SCIENTISTS THEN DECIDED TO SUBSTITUTE ONE OF THE MONKEYS. THE FIRST THING THIS NEW MONKEY DID WAS TO GO UP THE LADDER. IMMEDIATELY THE OTHER MONKEYS BEAT HIM UP. AFTER SEVERAL BEATINGS, THE NEW MEMBER LEARNED NOT TO CLIMB THE LADDER EVEN THOUGH NEVER KNEW WHY THE SECOND MONKEY WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE SAME OCCURED. THE FIRST MONKEY PARTICIPATED ON THE BEATING FOR THE SECOND MONKEY. A THIRD MONKEY WAS CHANGED AND THE SAME WAS REPEATED. THE FOURTH WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE BEATING WAS REPEATED AND FINALLY THE FIFTH MONKEY WAS REPLACED. WHAT WAS LEFT WAS A GROUP OF 5 MONKEYS THAT EVEN THOUGH NEVER RECEIVED A COLD SHOWER, CONTINUED TO BEAT UP ANY MONKEY WHO ATTEMPTED TO CLIMB THE LADDER. IF IT WAS POSSIBLE TO ASK THE MONKEYS WHY THEY WOULD BEAT UPALL THOSE WHO ATTEMPTED TO GO UP THE LADDER, I BET THEIR ANSWER WOULD BE: "I DON T KNOW. THAT'S HOW THINGS ARE DONE AROUND HERE." DON T MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS AS THEY MIGHT BE ASKING THEMSELVES WHY WE CONTINUE TO DO WHAT WE ARE DOING IF THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY OUT THERE. Conclusion: Don't follow others behavior, think before you follow. And sorry for the long post, here's a BANANA epicjohndoe: This Experiment Made A Lot Of People Think
I Bet, Shower, and Sorry: THE EXPERIMENT
 A GROUP OF SCIENTISTS PLACED 5 MONKEYS IN A CAGE
 AND IN THE MIDDLE, A LADDER WITH BANANAS ON TOP
 EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE
 SCIENTISTS SOAKED THE REST OF THE MONKEYS WITH
 COLD WATER.
 AFTER A WHILE, EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE
 LADDER, THE OTHER ONES BEAT UP THE ONE ON THE
 LADDER.
 AFTER SOME TIME, NO MONKEY DARE TO GO UP THE
 LADDER REGARDLESS OF THE TEMPTATION.
 SCIENTISTS THEN DECIDED TO SUBSTITUTE ONE OF THE
 MONKEYS. THE FIRST THING THIS NEW MONKEY DID WAS
 TO GO UP THE LADDER. IMMEDIATELY THE OTHER MONKEYS
 BEAT HIM UP.
 AFTER SEVERAL BEATINGS, THE NEW MEMBER LEARNED
 NOT TO CLIMB THE LADDER EVEN THOUGH NEVER KNEW
 WHY
 THE SECOND MONKEY WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE SAME
 OCCURED. THE FIRST MONKEY PARTICIPATED ON THE
 BEATING FOR THE SECOND MONKEY. A THIRD MONKEY
 WAS CHANGED AND THE SAME WAS REPEATED.
 THE FOURTH WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE BEATING WAS
 REPEATED AND FINALLY THE FIFTH MONKEY WAS REPLACED.
 WHAT WAS LEFT WAS A GROUP OF 5 MONKEYS THAT
 EVEN THOUGH NEVER RECEIVED A COLD SHOWER,
 CONTINUED TO BEAT UP ANY MONKEY WHO ATTEMPTED
 TO CLIMB THE LADDER.
 IF IT WAS POSSIBLE TO ASK THE MONKEYS WHY THEY
 WOULD BEAT UPALL THOSE WHO ATTEMPTED TO GO UP
 THE LADDER, I BET THEIR ANSWER WOULD BE:
 "I DON T KNOW. THAT'S HOW THINGS ARE DONE
 AROUND HERE."
 DON T MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THIS WITH
 OTHERS AS THEY MIGHT BE ASKING THEMSELVES WHY
 WE CONTINUE TO DO WHAT WE ARE DOING IF THERE
 IS A DIFFERENT WAY OUT THERE.
 Conclusion:
 Don't follow others behavior, think
 before you follow.
 And
 sorry for the long post, here's a
 BANANA
epicjohndoe:

This Experiment Made A Lot Of People Think

epicjohndoe: This Experiment Made A Lot Of People Think

Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT ISE phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ” S T  .  P A T R I C K “ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ” M Y  H O U S E “ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ” H O L Y “ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ” F I R E “ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ” G H O S T S “ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ” L E T  T H E M  I N “ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”
Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT
 ISE
phantomemes:
feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed !
S M O K E 
“ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ”
S T  .  P A T R I C K
“ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ”
M Y  H O U S E
“ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ”
H O L Y
“ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ”
F I R E
“ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ”
G H O S T S
“ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ”
L E T  T H E M  I N
“ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”

phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but ...