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Threes

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I Need To Know
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Deshaun Watson
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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story
 So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole
 time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I
 go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if
 any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are
 these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they
 are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get
 completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all
 over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no
 worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to
 concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my
 struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the
 huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out
 of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look
 closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me
 with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to
 my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes!
 This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!!
 and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to
 struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It
 reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for
 gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows
 down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure
 death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my
 chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time
 knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to
 squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't
 give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle
 cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled
 pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I
 emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my
 improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate
 Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
epicjohndoe:

This Man Should Write A Novel

epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel

Journey, Memes, and Best: William and Ellen Craft escaped enslavement in 1848. Ellen's light complexion allowed her to dress as a white man. She then claimed William was her slave. They traveled first class all the way. theblaquelioness Most runaway slaves fled to freedom in the dead of night, often pursued by barking bloodhounds. A few fugitives, such as Henry “Box” Brown who mailed himself north in a wooden crate, devised clever ruses or stowed away on ships and wagons. One of the most ingenious escapes was that of a married couple from Georgia, Ellen and William Craft, who traveled in first-class trains, dined with a steamboat captain and stayed in the best hotels during their escape to Philadelphia and freedom in 1848. Ellen, a quadroon with very fair skin, disguised herself as a young white cotton planter traveling with his slave (William). It was William who came up with the scheme to hide in plain sight, but ultimately it was Ellen who convincingly masked her race, her gender and her social status during their four-day trip. Despite the luxury accommodations, the journey was fraught with narrow escapes and heart-in-the-mouth moments that could have led to their discovery and capture. Courage, quick thinking, luck and “our Heavenly Father,” sustained them, the Crafts said in Running a Thousand Miles for Freedom, the book they wrote in 1860 chronicling the escape. - smithsonianmag.com theblaquelioness
Journey, Memes, and Best: William and Ellen Craft escaped enslavement in
 1848. Ellen's light complexion allowed her to dress
 as a white man. She then claimed William was her
 slave. They traveled first class all the way.
 theblaquelioness
Most runaway slaves fled to freedom in the dead of night, often pursued by barking bloodhounds. A few fugitives, such as Henry “Box” Brown who mailed himself north in a wooden crate, devised clever ruses or stowed away on ships and wagons. One of the most ingenious escapes was that of a married couple from Georgia, Ellen and William Craft, who traveled in first-class trains, dined with a steamboat captain and stayed in the best hotels during their escape to Philadelphia and freedom in 1848. Ellen, a quadroon with very fair skin, disguised herself as a young white cotton planter traveling with his slave (William). It was William who came up with the scheme to hide in plain sight, but ultimately it was Ellen who convincingly masked her race, her gender and her social status during their four-day trip. Despite the luxury accommodations, the journey was fraught with narrow escapes and heart-in-the-mouth moments that could have led to their discovery and capture. Courage, quick thinking, luck and “our Heavenly Father,” sustained them, the Crafts said in Running a Thousand Miles for Freedom, the book they wrote in 1860 chronicling the escape. - smithsonianmag.com theblaquelioness

Most runaway slaves fled to freedom in the dead of night, often pursued by barking bloodhounds. A few fugitives, such as Henry “Box” Brown w...