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Trolley Problem

Trolley Problem

prepping
prepping

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morale
morale

morale

feats
feats

feats

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comical

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Bloodlust: Todays peace talks at the park with my dog Goober were tense. He listened intently as the squirrel made his case. Alas, Goobs bloodlust made him fall victim to his baser instincts.
Bloodlust: Todays peace talks at the park with my dog Goober were tense. He listened intently as the squirrel made his case. Alas, Goobs bloodlust made him fall victim to his baser instincts.

Todays peace talks at the park with my dog Goober were tense. He listened intently as the squirrel made his case. Alas, Goobs bloodlust m...

Bloodlust: SESAME STREET .org After a deeply profound conversation, Tyrone, realized that just because he had white palms, didn't mean he could stop picking the cotton. At first he thought Grover was crazy. But as Grover's lecture went on, Bert steadily came to realize that jet fuel can't melt steel beams. Bert pees in the bathtub and notices an alarming amount of blood. Kermit shows off the severed head of grover, in order to strike fear into the souls of americans Bert smirks as he hears the air raid sirens. Ernie's war had begun at last. "Shit, Ernie, don't snort it! I told you this is heroin! Haven't you seen Pulp Fiction? SESAME STREET Grover demonstrates how far the law requires him to stay away from sexy sexy children. Reinvented by juansanity2 for iFunny Ernie's attempts to build a drug empire are set back when he realises he's grown the wrong plant. "I know it's going to be funny as Hell, but you can't laugh when they open the casket and see their son is missing. They'll know it was us." Ernie knew he remembered giving that slut Lanteesha enough money for the abortion. Elmo and Maria make a swift getaway after burning down another shop in Baltimore The hickey on Ernie's neck and the condom still on his nose confirmed Bert's suspicions: Ernie was cheating. After the Count calls Ernie's mom a "two cent crack whore", Bert struggles to restrain him. COM Ernie shows Bert who the biggest fag in the room is. Ernie feels he is no longer attractive to Bert. Bert knows it's true but doesn't say anything. Ernie prepares to commit a hate crime. Bert remains awestuck as Ernie confesses to his rampage of serial murders on the air. TIE TIMES Joe RI Ernie eyes the article on Big Bird's untimely death and worries the cops may be on to him Bert and Ernie write the word "Privilege" on a card and dangle it over the heads of a group of feminists to demonstrate how it will always be out of their reach. Bert plays with himself as he listens to Ernie's bathtub song Cookie Monster trips unbelievably hard on a cookie sized tab of LSD Ernie is shocked at the street price of crack these days APPLES SG Bert and Ernie undercut the current apple market value, forcing their competitors families into poverty As seen on EricAlper.com Elmo shouts at the phone, yelling to "blow the gooks to smithereens!" against the protests of his defense chief, who keeps trying to remind him that the war in Vietnam ended 40 years ago The other option is sellingthese little rocks Bert regrets cheaping out on the soundproofing in his sex dungeon when the screams of the Children inside keeps him awake at night. Ernie enjoys Bert's resistance as he fulfills his country girl rape fantasy. O o Ernie laughs as he tells the struggling, dying orphan, "I am the only one who cares about you" as he begins to penetrate her Bert and Ernie patiently wait in their attic as the Nazi's frantically search for them below. As Beaker tests Dr. Bunsen Honeydew s newly invented, fully functioning Rape Alarm, he is more than a little disquieted by the extremely strong signals it picks up. Dr. Honeydew chuckles to himself at Beaker's reaction, knowing full well that he won't be able to tell the cops what's about to happen to him "See the face in the glass Timmy? That's called a retard!" Grover pretends to not hear Mr. Johnson masturbating kids The whole neighborhood watches as Ernie viciously fucks Telly while taking a romantic bath together Bill Cosby and Oscar haggle over the price of some of Oscar's roofies 10 SESAME STREET Ernie forgets sign language for,"I wallowed s my entire sperm collection, it has congealed in my thro at and I am choking to death." Bert reassures a frightened Ernie by telling him that jet fuel can't melt sweet dreams. Rosita coaxes another Suicide Hotline caller into pulling the trigger, beating Telly's record of 12 The fresh smell of semen awakes Bert When Ernie finishes his masterpiece "It wasn't the fact we were killing children that disturbed me. We were at war, after all. It's the erection l got from doing it." With the bombing all over the papers, Bert knew they had to watch their step. Ernie could never keep his mouth shut. He'd have to go At that moment, Ernie realized the furry lifestyle just wasn't for him. Unfortunately, this realization came several seconds after Big Bird had buried himself to the hilt in the fursuit's quick-access assflap. Ernie, disappointed with Bert's fellatio skills, forces him to practice on random objects in the house. Ernie gives Bert a crash-course in how to behead infidels the right way according to the Quran. BERT SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT ERNIE'S FINAL SOLUTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MATH. After having been frozen for 60 years, Bert learns of Hitler's defeat and the fall of the Reich. As Bert turns his head, he realizes that the Viet Cong are about to ambush his patrol. The door locks behind them. Ernie begins throwing darts with expert precision at all 100 balloons in the room, relentlessly triggering Bert's PTSD and shattering his psyche beyond repair. Bert and Ernie work tirelessly to plant landmines under the sand SESANE STREET "As-Salaam-Alaikum, Bert!" says Ernie as he returns from his vacation, hanging out with his pals in Somalia. Ernie tells Bert that his non-aryan ginger nephew, cannot enter his home. As the second H flashes on the television, Bert and Ernie are amazed that the signal has finally come. They shout "Heil Hitler" when they realize their brothers of the Fourth Reich have infiltrated the mass media. Elmo hates what Elmo is about to do, but Elmo has to feed Elmo's bloodlust. Cookie Monster tearfully informs his family the Gestapo officer ordered their immediate eviction and arranged transport to Auschwitz-Birkenau Bert and Ernie helps stage the Gleiwitz incident, giving Germany a pretext to invade Poland. Ernie and Bert are delighted when they discover that their plan to bring both Koreas to war might actually work Big Bird gets kidnapped by ISIS. SESAME STREET] Taking on a job at the morgue, Ernie has finally found a way to do good in the world If all those girls die as Virgins, they should at least not be buried as such Ernie exclaims loudly "Allahu Akbar!" as Bert banks towards the city's airspace. High on PCP, Cookie Monster lets out a blood-curdling battle cry as he catapults his body through 2 inches of solid brick SESAME STREET .org Kermit is baffled by this negro giving him his 3/5th of an opinion Bert and Ernie agree to drown their mentally retarded son, Bort Ernie learns the ups and downs of putting his dick in an ant hill. Ernie quickly realized that this was not milk that Bert had left out on the counter top. Ernie educates Bert about why the Japanese deserve a third nuclear bombing. As the facade of Auschwitz came into sight, the jew suddenly realized those weren't snowflakes he was catching on his tongue. Bert was not joking when he told Ernie he was going to "literally hit him with a fucking piano if he woke him up for some menial bullshit one more time". Bert is appalled by Ernie's plan to have a Make-A-Wish child sneak coke on set for them. Bert Was notimpressed by Ernie's proposed cover forgetting the goods out of Colombia Some of my favourite Sesame Street moments...
Bloodlust: SESAME STREET
 .org
 After a deeply profound conversation, Tyrone, realized
 that just because he had white palms, didn't mean he
 could stop picking the cotton.

 At first he thought Grover was crazy. But as
 Grover's lecture went on, Bert steadily came
 to realize that jet fuel can't melt steel beams.

 Bert pees in the bathtub
 and notices an alarming
 amount of blood.

 Kermit shows off the severed head
 of grover, in order to strike fear into
 the souls of americans

 Bert smirks as he hears the air raid sirens.
 Ernie's war had begun at last.

 "Shit, Ernie, don't snort it!
 I told you this is heroin!
 Haven't you seen
 Pulp Fiction?

 SESAME STREET
 Grover demonstrates how far the law
 requires him to stay away from sexy sexy
 children.
 Reinvented by juansanity2 for iFunny

 Ernie's attempts to build a drug empire are set
 back when he realises he's grown the wrong plant.

 "I know it's going to be funny as Hell, but you
 can't laugh when they open the casket and see
 their son is missing. They'll know it was us."

 Ernie knew he remembered giving that slut Lanteesha
 enough money for the abortion.

 Elmo and Maria make a swift
 getaway after burning down
 another shop in Baltimore

 The hickey on Ernie's neck and the condom still on his
 nose confirmed Bert's suspicions: Ernie was cheating.

 After the Count calls Ernie's mom a "two cent
 crack whore", Bert struggles to restrain him.

 COM
 Ernie shows Bert who the biggest fag in the room is.

 Ernie feels he is no longer attractive to Bert. Bert knows it's
 true but doesn't say anything.

 Ernie prepares to commit a
 hate crime.

 Bert remains awestuck as Ernie confesses to his
 rampage of serial murders on the air.

 TIE TIMES Joe RI
 Ernie eyes the article on Big Bird's
 untimely death and worries the cops
 may be on to him

 Bert and Ernie write the word "Privilege"
 on a card and dangle it over the heads of a
 group of feminists to demonstrate how it
 will always be out of their reach.

 Bert plays with himself as he listens to
 Ernie's bathtub song

 Cookie Monster trips unbelievably
 hard on a cookie sized tab of LSD

 Ernie is shocked at the street price of crack
 these days

 APPLES SG
 Bert and Ernie undercut the
 current apple market value,
 forcing their competitors
 families into poverty

 As seen on EricAlper.com
 Elmo shouts at the phone, yelling to "blow the gooks to
 smithereens!" against the protests of his defense chief, who keeps
 trying to remind him that the war in Vietnam ended 40 years ago

 The other option is sellingthese little rocks

 Bert regrets cheaping out on the soundproofing in his sex
 dungeon when the screams of the Children inside keeps
 him awake at night.

 Ernie enjoys Bert's resistance
 as he fulfills his country girl
 rape fantasy.

 O o
 Ernie laughs as he tells the
 struggling, dying orphan, "I am the
 only one who cares about you" as
 he begins to penetrate her

 Bert and Ernie patiently wait in their
 attic as the Nazi's frantically search
 for them below.

 As Beaker tests Dr.
 Bunsen Honeydew s newly
 invented, fully functioning
 Rape Alarm, he is more
 than a little disquieted by
 the extremely strong
 signals it picks up. Dr.
 Honeydew chuckles to
 himself at Beaker's
 reaction, knowing full well
 that he won't be able to tell
 the cops what's about to
 happen to him

 "See the face in the glass Timmy? That's called a retard!"

 Grover pretends to not
 hear Mr. Johnson
 masturbating

 kids
 The whole neighborhood watches as
 Ernie viciously fucks Telly while
 taking a romantic bath together

 Bill Cosby and Oscar haggle over the price
 of some of Oscar's roofies

 10
 SESAME STREET
 Ernie forgets sign language for,"I
 wallowed
 s
 my entire sperm collection, it
 has congealed
 in my
 thro
 at and I am choking to death."

 Bert reassures a
 frightened Ernie by
 telling him that jet fuel
 can't melt sweet
 dreams.

 Rosita coaxes another Suicide
 Hotline caller into pulling the
 trigger, beating Telly's record
 of 12

 The fresh smell of semen awakes Bert When Ernie finishes his
 masterpiece

 "It wasn't the fact we were killing children
 that disturbed me. We were at war, after all.
 It's the erection l got from doing it."

 With the bombing all over the
 papers, Bert knew they had
 to watch their step. Ernie
 could never keep his mouth
 shut. He'd have to go

 At that moment, Ernie
 realized the furry lifestyle
 just wasn't for him.
 Unfortunately, this
 realization came several
 seconds after Big Bird had
 buried himself to the hilt in
 the fursuit's quick-access
 assflap.

 Ernie, disappointed with Bert's fellatio skills,
 forces him to practice on random objects in
 the house.

 Ernie gives Bert a crash-course in how to behead
 infidels the right way according to the Quran.

 BERT SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT
 ERNIE'S FINAL SOLUTION HAD
 NOTHING TO DO WITH MATH.

 After having been
 frozen for 60 years,
 Bert learns of
 Hitler's defeat and
 the fall of the Reich.

 As Bert turns his head, he
 realizes that the Viet Cong
 are about to ambush his
 patrol.

 The door locks behind them. Ernie begins throwing darts
 with expert precision at all 100 balloons in the room,
 relentlessly triggering Bert's PTSD and shattering his
 psyche beyond repair.

 Bert and Ernie work tirelessly to
 plant landmines under the sand

 SESANE STREET
 "As-Salaam-Alaikum, Bert!" says Ernie as
 he returns from his vacation, hanging out
 with his pals in Somalia.

 Ernie tells Bert that his non-aryan ginger
 nephew, cannot enter his home.

 As the second H flashes on the television, Bert
 and Ernie are amazed that the signal has finally
 come. They shout "Heil Hitler" when they
 realize their brothers of the Fourth Reich have
 infiltrated the mass media.

 Elmo hates what Elmo is about to do, but
 Elmo has to feed Elmo's bloodlust.

 Cookie Monster tearfully
 informs his family the Gestapo
 officer ordered their immediate
 eviction and arranged transport
 to Auschwitz-Birkenau

 Bert and Ernie helps stage the Gleiwitz incident, giving
 Germany a pretext to invade Poland.

 Ernie and Bert are delighted when
 they discover that their plan to
 bring both Koreas to war might
 actually work

 Big Bird gets kidnapped by ISIS.

 SESAME STREET]
 Taking on a job at the morgue, Ernie has
 finally found a way to do good in the world
 If all those girls die as Virgins, they should
 at least not be buried as such

 Ernie exclaims loudly "Allahu Akbar!" as Bert banks
 towards the city's airspace.

 High on PCP, Cookie Monster lets out a
 blood-curdling battle cry as he catapults his
 body through 2 inches of solid brick

 SESAME STREET
 .org
 Kermit is baffled by this negro giving
 him his 3/5th of an opinion

 Bert and Ernie agree to drown
 their mentally retarded son, Bort

 Ernie learns the ups and downs
 of putting his dick in an ant hill.

 Ernie quickly realized that this was not milk that Bert
 had left out on the counter top.

 Ernie educates Bert about why
 the Japanese deserve
 a third nuclear bombing.

 As the facade of Auschwitz came into sight, the jew
 suddenly realized those weren't snowflakes he was
 catching on his tongue.

 Bert was not joking when he told Ernie he
 was going to "literally hit him with a fucking
 piano if he woke him up for some menial
 bullshit one more time".

 Bert is appalled by Ernie's plan to have a
 Make-A-Wish child sneak coke on set for them.

 Bert Was notimpressed by Ernie's proposed cover
 forgetting the goods out of Colombia
Some of my favourite Sesame Street moments...

Some of my favourite Sesame Street moments...

Bloodlust: An Open Letter Explaining the Abundance of Death in Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin ΠœΠ•ΠœΠ•Π Π₯.Π‘ΠΎΠΌ There's a widespread belief in certain circles that I am a tad too overzealous with killing off central characters in my book series, A Song of Ice and Fire (and the associated television program, Game of Thrones). The evidence is substantial: the protagonist of the first book, Eddard Stark, is beheaded towards the end of the novel; his son Robb and wife Catelyn are shockingly betrayed and murdered in an event that comes to be known as 'The Red Wedding'; and the Red Viper of Dorne, Oberyn Martell, is brutally killed by The Mountain, after seemingly defeating him in single combat. And really, that's only scratching the surface - Robert, Joffrey, and Renly Baratheon, Lady the Direwolf, Lord Commander Jeor Mormont, and scores of other minor characters have perished by my pen. Has there ever been a writer as cruel and murderous as 1? Allow me to pose this question to you - how many of you have heard of William GODDAMN Shakespeare? In case you illiterate shitlords aren't familiar, he's the most famous, accomplished, well-known author in human history - and a guy who would kill off characters in insanely brutal ways like it was nothing ALL OF THE GODDAMN TIME. Ever read Hamlet? You know who survives Hamlet? Like two people TOTAL. Everyone dies in that play - Shakespeare kills off more characters in three hours than I do in five books. Wanna know how many 'main' characters l've killed off in the book series? 2. TWO. And even THAT'S debatable. Sure, I maim 'em plenty, but I really rarely kill off anyone who's absolutely central to the narrative. Shakespeare though? Let's just say MacBeth makes the Red Wedding look like a bridal shower. And if we're just talking about fucked up deaths, holy goddamn shit - Titus Andronicus. A girl gets dragged into a forest and brutally raped by two dudes, who then CUT OUT HER TONGUE AND CHOP OFF HER HANDS so she'lIl never be able to tell anyone who did this to her, When her father finds out about the rape, he figures out who the dudes were who raped her, murders them, bakes them into a pie, and feeds them to their own mother. Bet you thought South Park was so clever for that Scott Tenorman shit those hacks were just cribbing notes from the guy who INVENTED unknowingly eating your relatives: Big Willy Shakes. Oh, then the father murders his own daughter (the one who got her tongue and hands cut off) because she got raped. Now THAT is a fucked up death. What fucked up deaths have I written? A guy gets his head smashed in? That weak-ass shit wouldn't even give Shakespeare's sadistic bloodlust a chubby. And let's be clear - very few of my deaths are "shocking" in any actual way - they're almost ALWAYS the consequences of characters making stupid-as-shit decisions and getting blinded by pride, honor, and ego. β€’ Ned Stark just straight up TOLD Cersei he knew about her incest-y ways and that she better flee King's Landing - and also that he hadn't and wouldn't tell anyone else this little secret. Plus, we cast Sean Bean in the role. If you thought his head was remaining attached to his neck for the rest of the show, you haven't been paying attention. β€’ Robb - where the fuck to start with this kid. Breaking your vow to your sleaziest ally, and then crawling back to them? Check. Executing your own bannermen for killing enemy POWS? Wow, cool morals, bud. Hope they comfort you while your head is getting sewn onto a fucking dog. β€’ Oberyn? Showboating, prideful, and going up against the strongest beast of a man in the world. How did THAT one surprise you? Cuz he poked him a few times with a stick? HAVE YOU PEOPLE LEARNED NOTHING? Here's the deal - the deaths in my works aren't random for- shock-purposes-only type deaths they all have clear purposes within the drama of the story, and are only dealt out when absolutely necessary. Unlike Shakespeare. That dude's a fucking psycho. -George RR Martin PS - You know what else has a ton of crazy deaths in it? The Bible. Fuck. Everyone dies in that thing. Fucking DEATH dies in the Bible. I'm not kidding, look it up - Revelation 20:14. YEAH. THE CONCEPT OF DEATH DIES IN THE BIBLE. And you people thought I was bad. FUNNY STUFF ON MEMEPIX.COM George R.R. Martin’s Open Letter About the Deaths in Game of Thronesomg-humor.tumblr.com
Bloodlust: An Open Letter Explaining the Abundance
 of Death in Game of Thrones
 by George R.R. Martin
 ΠœΠ•ΠœΠ•Π Π₯.Π‘ΠΎΠΌ
 There's a widespread belief in certain circles that I am a tad
 too overzealous with killing off central characters in my book
 series, A Song of Ice and Fire (and the associated television
 program, Game of Thrones). The evidence is substantial: the
 protagonist of the first book, Eddard Stark, is beheaded
 towards the end of the novel; his son Robb and wife Catelyn
 are shockingly betrayed and murdered in an event that comes
 to be known as 'The Red Wedding'; and the Red Viper of
 Dorne, Oberyn Martell, is brutally killed by The Mountain, after
 seemingly defeating him in single combat.
 And really, that's only scratching the surface - Robert, Joffrey,
 and Renly Baratheon, Lady the Direwolf, Lord Commander
 Jeor Mormont, and scores of other minor characters have
 perished by my pen. Has there ever been a writer as cruel
 and murderous as 1?
 Allow me to pose this question to you - how many of you have
 heard of William GODDAMN Shakespeare?
 In case you illiterate shitlords aren't familiar, he's the most
 famous, accomplished, well-known author in human history -
 and a guy who would kill off characters in insanely brutal ways
 like it was nothing ALL OF THE GODDAMN TIME.
 Ever read Hamlet? You know who survives Hamlet? Like two
 people TOTAL. Everyone dies in that play - Shakespeare kills
 off more characters in three hours than I do in five books.
 Wanna know how many 'main' characters l've killed off in the
 book series? 2. TWO. And even THAT'S debatable. Sure, I
 maim 'em plenty, but I really rarely kill off anyone who's
 absolutely central to the narrative. Shakespeare though?
 Let's just say MacBeth makes the Red Wedding look like a
 bridal shower.
 And if we're just talking about fucked up deaths, holy
 goddamn shit - Titus Andronicus. A girl gets dragged into a
 forest and brutally raped by two dudes, who then CUT OUT
 HER TONGUE AND CHOP OFF HER HANDS so she'lIl never
 be able to tell anyone who did this to her, When her father
 finds out about the rape, he figures out who the dudes were
 who raped her, murders them, bakes them into a pie, and
 feeds them to their own mother. Bet you thought South Park
 was so clever for that Scott Tenorman shit those hacks were
 just cribbing notes from the guy who INVENTED unknowingly
 eating your relatives: Big Willy Shakes.
 Oh, then the father murders his own daughter (the one who
 got her tongue and hands cut off) because she got raped. Now
 THAT is a fucked up death.
 What fucked up deaths have I written? A guy gets his head
 smashed in? That weak-ass shit wouldn't even give
 Shakespeare's sadistic bloodlust a chubby.
 And let's be clear - very few of my deaths are "shocking" in
 any actual way - they're almost ALWAYS the consequences of
 characters making stupid-as-shit decisions and getting blinded
 by pride, honor, and ego.
 β€’ Ned Stark just straight up TOLD Cersei he knew about
 her incest-y ways and that she better flee King's Landing -
 and also that he hadn't and wouldn't tell anyone else this
 little secret. Plus, we cast Sean Bean in the role. If
 you
 thought his head was remaining attached to his neck for
 the rest of the show, you haven't been paying attention.
 β€’ Robb - where the fuck to start with this kid. Breaking your
 vow to your sleaziest ally, and then crawling back to
 them? Check. Executing your own bannermen for killing
 enemy POWS? Wow, cool morals, bud. Hope they comfort
 you while your head is getting sewn onto a fucking dog.
 β€’ Oberyn? Showboating, prideful, and going up against the
 strongest beast of a man in the world. How did THAT one
 surprise you? Cuz he poked him a few times with a stick?
 HAVE YOU PEOPLE LEARNED NOTHING?
 Here's the deal - the deaths in my works aren't random for-
 shock-purposes-only type deaths they all have clear
 purposes within the drama of the story, and are only dealt out
 when absolutely necessary.
 Unlike Shakespeare. That dude's a fucking psycho.
 -George RR Martin
 PS - You know what else has a ton of crazy deaths in it? The Bible.
 Fuck. Everyone dies in that thing. Fucking DEATH dies in the Bible.
 I'm not kidding, look it up - Revelation 20:14. YEAH. THE CONCEPT
 OF DEATH DIES IN THE BIBLE. And you people thought I was bad.
 FUNNY STUFF ON MEMEPIX.COM
George R.R. Martin’s Open Letter About the Deaths in Game of Thronesomg-humor.tumblr.com

George R.R. Martin’s Open Letter About the Deaths in Game of Thronesomg-humor.tumblr.com