Going To College
Going To College

Going To College

Have
Have

Have

Are
Are

Are

With
With

With

Your
Your

Your

The
The

The

Cant
Cant

Cant

Death
Death

Death

Army
Army

Army

Hulk
Hulk

Hulk

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Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset=utf-8"); *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. *I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing *using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT *stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to *correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: *Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it *in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world * and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error_reporting (E_ALL) ; ini_set("display_errors",true); print('<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF - 8 " ?>'."\n") ; ?> I’m getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.
Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset=utf-8");
 *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 *I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 *using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS.
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 *stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere.
 *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 *correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 *Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 *in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment.
 *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 * and hope it will be enough.
 Farewell.
 error_reporting (E_ALL) ;
 ini_set("display_errors",true);
 print('<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF - 8 " ?>'."\n") ; ?>
I’m getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.

I’m getting second thoughts about whether accepting this job was a good idea.

Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: * 4 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough Farewell * error_reporting (E ALL); ini set("display_errors", true) print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?> Don’t read the source, Luke!
Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8");
 This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code.
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere
 Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 *
 4
 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this fíle again to write this comment.
 Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 and hope it will be enough
 Farewell
 *
 error_reporting (E ALL);
 ini set("display_errors", true)
 print'<?xml version= "1.0" encodina="UTF-8" ?>' "An") : ?>
Don’t read the source, Luke!

Don’t read the source, Luke!

Creepy, Drinking, and Facts: R 43% 20:41 Sean 4 days ago HOW YOU DOIBIPHY Hey Sean! X 3 days ago Hey yourself You know it was only last week said to my pal;'if a girl opened with a Friends quote I'd probably just marry her Oh shit, I better buy a dress! ORMAGIE COM GIPHY Should probably go out once or twice first. Just to keep everyone's parents happy Meh, fuck em Alright I like your attitude Good job really if we're getting married Tell me things What things would you like? I have much wisdom Top 5 facts about Sean Fact 1.I'm up at 5am so I must be rude and ask to continue this in the morrow if that's ok Request granted. But i want a further 5 facts 2 days ago Alright you ready? Born ready 11 have been in a coma for 2 days 2. I once played an astronaut in a Universal Studios show 3. I'll make you hate me via puns 4.I coach football. 5. I can make you laugh out loud wherever you are with one simple joke You go Excellent facts! Can you prove number 5 please? Oh shit I meant I have experienced a 2 day coma. Not the last 2 days Yes can. Why do flamingoes only lift one leg up when they stand? 1. I've never broken a bone 2. Even though I'm a strong independent woman. spiders and creepy crawlies in my house freak me tf out 3. Got 4 sisters and an army of nieces and nephews 4. My wit makes people either hate me or fall madly in love with me 5. I'm an excellent drinking buddy Go on.... Yes i gathered thats what you meant about the coma hahah If they lifted both up they'd fall Over Ok that was pretty funny Considering proved my number 5,l'd like you to do the same Deal. Name the place and time Yesterday He got me there!
Creepy, Drinking, and Facts: R 43% 20:41
 Sean
 4 days ago
 HOW YOU DOIBIPHY
 Hey Sean! X
 3 days ago
 Hey yourself
 You know it was only last week
 said to my pal;'if a girl opened
 with a Friends quote I'd probably
 just marry her
 Oh shit, I better buy a dress!
 ORMAGIE COM
 GIPHY
 Should probably go out once or
 twice first. Just to keep
 everyone's parents happy
 Meh, fuck em
 Alright I like your attitude
 Good job really if we're getting
 married
 Tell me things
 What things would you like? I
 have much wisdom
 Top 5 facts about Sean
 Fact 1.I'm up at 5am so I must
 be rude and ask to continue this
 in the morrow if that's ok
 Request granted. But i want a
 further 5 facts
 2 days ago
 Alright you ready?
 Born ready
 11 have been in a coma for 2
 days
 2. I once played an astronaut in a
 Universal Studios show
 3. I'll make you hate me via puns
 4.I coach football.
 5. I can make you laugh out loud
 wherever you are with one simple
 joke
 You go
 Excellent facts! Can you prove
 number 5 please?
 Oh shit I meant I have
 experienced a 2 day coma. Not
 the last 2 days
 Yes can. Why do flamingoes
 only lift one leg up when they
 stand?
 1. I've never broken a bone
 2. Even though I'm a strong
 independent woman. spiders
 and creepy crawlies in my house
 freak me tf out
 3. Got 4 sisters and an army of
 nieces and nephews
 4. My wit makes people either
 hate me or fall madly in love with
 me
 5. I'm an excellent drinking buddy
 Go on....
 Yes i gathered thats what you
 meant about the coma hahah
 If they lifted both up they'd fall
 Over
 Ok that was pretty funny
 Considering proved my number
 5,l'd like you to do the same
 Deal. Name the place and time
 Yesterday
He got me there!

He got me there!

Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8"); /* *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons *I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough Farewell. * error_reporting (E_ALL) ini set("display_errors", true); print ('<?xml version-""1,0" encoding- "UTF -8 " ?>"\n") : ?> Who needs license agreements when you got this! F
Advice, Django, and Facebook: <?php header("Content-type: text/html; charset-utf-8");
 /*
 *This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code
 I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I
 assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons
 *I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing
 using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried
 by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army
 of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS.
 The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT
 stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for
 different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I
 bet they have mismatches somewhere
 *Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided
 to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to
 correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with
 this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally
 given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing
 this after a prolonged medical therapy mostly successful, thanks for
 asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a
 manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice:
 Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it
 in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a
 relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment.
 *Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world
 and hope it will be enough
 Farewell.
 *
 error_reporting (E_ALL)
 ini set("display_errors", true);
 print ('<?xml version-""1,0" encoding- "UTF -8 " ?>"\n") : ?>
Who needs license agreements when you got this! F

Who needs license agreements when you got this! F

Bad, Bad Jokes, and Control: 83% 3:41 PM 65° consultingskeletondetective: somanyfandomsasdfghjkl the-average-gatsby alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy brace yourselves so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night. in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing- the squire from the third kingdom. and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides What have we become How dare you make me read that Source the-average-ga... 106,189 notes 11 The war of 6810
Bad, Bad Jokes, and Control: 83%
 3:41 PM
 65°
 consultingskeletondetective:
 somanyfandomsasdfghjkl
 the-average-gatsby
 alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not
 one comes close to this doozy
 brace yourselves
 so there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake
 surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the
 lake the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy
 prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its
 fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling
 and poor, and barely has an army.
 the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a
 valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest
 knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal
 squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather
 armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends
 their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since
 passed his prime, with his own personal squire.
 the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink
 and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights
 in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of
 grog and also drink late into the night.
 in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the
 branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills
 the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight
 the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over
 and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and
 weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all
 three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by
 the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing- the
 squire from the third kingdom.
 and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose
 is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides
 What have we become
 How dare you make me read that
 Source the-average-ga...
 106,189 notes
 11
The war of 6810

The war of 6810

Batman, Family, and God: fundraisingwebsites: Stringy and Mopy: The Adventure Begins Mopy, the Son of Alpha, with a cloudy past joins forces with a bubbly, superhero Zeta, Stringy to rescue his mom from an ancient evil. WHAT WE NEED AND WHAT YOU GET!  Stringy and Mopy is an upcoming werewolf/superhero comic book series. When Mopy Garret failed to save his mom from getting kidnapped by an ancient evil, he teams up with an established superhero (Samantha Bridges) to save not only just her but the world from an Army of the Undead. This was a childhood story I wrote for the past 6 years. It is canon with my novel, “The God of Alpha”.All funding will for the initial goal of $500 will be distributed to my staff working on the project. My illustrator need the efficient funding to work on the comic. If we reach our goal, assuming you guys loved the series, we will go on and create another installment of the series and possibly a cameo from you of the doners. Even if we don’t reach our goal, we will print out signed physical copies of the book with any donation of $7+ and a cameo of you in the story.MORE ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN!Stringy and Mopy is more of a family-created lore I made when I was little and dreamed about sharing it to the world for everyone to see. It has been. Their adventures have touched a lot of people who have heard of their stories and you too can be one of those people who get to know these wonderful creations. Do you remember how Superman came to be? When that comic came out, the people who created it made it as if it were a hobby, same with Batman. And now look, the people who funded the creation of these modern gods can look back and say, “Without me, that character wouldn’t even exist.” You can make history by bringing this story into existence.
Batman, Family, and God: fundraisingwebsites:

Stringy and Mopy: The Adventure Begins

Mopy, the Son of Alpha, with a cloudy past joins forces with a bubbly, superhero Zeta, Stringy to rescue his mom from an ancient evil.

WHAT WE NEED AND WHAT YOU GET!  Stringy and Mopy is an upcoming werewolf/superhero comic book series. When Mopy Garret failed to save his mom from getting kidnapped by an ancient evil, he teams up with an established superhero (Samantha Bridges) to save not only just her but the world from an Army of the Undead. This was a childhood story I wrote for the past 6 years. It is canon with my novel, “The God of Alpha”.All funding will for the initial goal of $500 will be distributed to my staff working on the project. My illustrator need the efficient funding to work on the comic. If we reach our goal, assuming you guys loved the series, we will go on and create another installment of the series and possibly a cameo from you of the doners. Even if we don’t reach our goal, we will print out signed physical copies of the book with any donation of $7+ and a cameo of you in the story.MORE ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN!Stringy and Mopy is more of a family-created lore I made when I was little and dreamed about sharing it to the world for everyone to see. It has been. Their adventures have touched a lot of people who have heard of their stories and you too can be one of those people who get to know these wonderful creations. Do you remember how Superman came to be? When that comic came out, the people who created it made it as if it were a hobby, same with Batman. And now look, the people who funded the creation of these modern gods can look back and say, “Without me, that character wouldn’t even exist.” You can make history by bringing this story into existence.

fundraisingwebsites: Stringy and Mopy: The Adventure Begins Mopy, the Son of Alpha, with a cloudy past joins forces with a bubbly, superhe...

Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog fawnascoggins: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang Takeshi Kaneshiro  I think I’ve found my favourite post
Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi Kaneshiro 


I think I’ve found my favourite post

fawnascoggins: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-...

Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog fawnascoggins: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang Takeshi Kaneshiro 
Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi Kaneshiro 

fawnascoggins: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-...

Bad, Books, and Computers: REMEMBER Turn your computer off before midnight orn 12/31/99. BUY tamashiihiroka: forloveofreason: shananaomi: jaybushman: spytap: ralfmaximus: faisdm: the-most-calamitous: jibini: top-lotad-breeder: chocogoat: what. why? someone pls explain to me pls i wasnt born yet in 1999 why turn computer off before midnight? what happen if u dont? y2k lol everyone was like “the supervirus is gonna take over the world and ruin everything and end the world!!!” This is the oldest I’ve ever felt. Right now. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU WEREN’T BORN YET IN 1999. Ahh the Millenium bug. It wasn’t a virus, it was an issue with how some old computers at the time were programmed to deal with dates. Basically some computers with older operating systems didn’t have anything in place to deal with the year reaching 99 and looping around to 00. It was believed that this inability to sync with the correct date would cause issues, and even crash entire systems the moment the date changed. People flipped out about it, convinced that the date discrepancy between netwoked systems would bring down computers everywhere and shut down the internet and so all systems relying on computers, including plane navigation etc. would go down causing worldwide chaos. It was genuinely believed that people should all switch off computers to avoid this. One or two smart people spoke up and said “um hey, this actually will only effect a few very outdated computers and they’ll just display the wrong date, so it probably won’t be harmful” but were largely ignored because people selling books about the end of the world were talking louder. In the end, absolutely nothing happened. Oh gosh. I’ve been a programmer working for various government agencies since the early 1990s and I can say with some confidence: NOTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE WE WORKED VERY HARD FIXING SHIT THAT MOST DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE BROKEN ON 1-JAN-2000. One example I personally worked on: vaccination databases. My contract was with the CDC to coordinate immunization registries — you know, kids’ vaccine histories. What they got, when they got it, and (most importantly) which vaccines they were due to get next and when. These were state-wide registries, containing millions of records each. Most of these systems were designed in the 1970s and 1980s, and stored the child’s DOB year as only two digits. This means that — had we not fixed it — just about every child in all the databases I worked on would have SUDDENLY AGED OUT OF THE PROGRAM 1-JAN-2000. In other words: these kids would suddenly be “too old” to receive critical vaccines. Okay, so that’s not a nuke plant exploding or airplanes dropping from the sky. In fact, nothing obvious would have occurred come Jan 1st. BUT Without the software advising doctors when to give vaccinations, an entire generation’s immunity to things like measles, mumps, smallpox (etc) would have been compromised. And nobody would even know there was a problem for months — possibly years — after. You think the fun & games caused by a few anti-vaxers is bad? Imagine whole populations going unvaccinated by accident… one case of measles and the death toll might be measured in millions. This is one example I KNOW to be true, because I was there. I also know that in the years leading up to 2000 there were ad-hoc discussion groups (particularly alt.risk) of amazed programmers and project managers that uncovered year-2000 traps… and fixed them. Quietly, without fanfare.  In many cases because admitting there was a problem would have resulted in a lawsuit by angry customers. But mostly because it was our job to fix those design flaws before anyone was inconvenienced or hurt. So, yeah… all that Y2K hysteria was for nothing, because programmers worked their asses off to make sure it was for nothing. Bolding mine. Absolutely true.  My Mom worked like crazy all throughout 1998 and 1999 on dozens of systems to avoid Y2K crashes. Nothing major happened because people worked to made sure it didn’t. Now if we could just harness that concept for some of the other major issues facing us today.   this meme came so far since i saw it this morning. god i love tumblr teaching tumblr about history. As a young Sys Admin during Y2K, I can confirm that it was SRS BZNS.  I worked for a major pharmaceutical company at the time.  They spent millions of dollars on consultant and programmer hours, not to mention their own employees’ time, to fix all their in-house software as well as replace it with new systems.  Sys Admins like myself were continually deploying patches, updating firmware, and deploying new systems in the months leading up to Y2K.  Once that was done, though, the programmers went home and cashed their checks. When the FATEFUL HOUR came along, it wasn’t just one hour.  For a global company with offices in dozens of countries, it was 24 hours of being alert and on-call.  I imagine that other large organizations had similar setups with entire IT departments working in shifts to monitor everything.  Everyone was on a hair trigger, too, so the slightest problem caused ALL HANDS ON DECK pages to go out. Yes, we had pagers. For hard numbers IDC’s 2006 calculation put the total US cost of remediation, before and after, at $147 billion - that’s in 1999 dollars.  That paid for an army of programmers, including calling up retired grandparents from the senior center because COBOL and FORTRAN apps from the ‘60s needed fixing. Also note that there were some problems, including $13 billion in remediation included in the figure above.  Some of these involved nuclear power plants, medical equipment, and “a customer at a New York State video rental store had a bill for $91,250, the cost of renting the movie ‘The General’s Daughter’ for 100 years.” Y2K was anything but nothing. Reblogging because this is a side to the story I had never heard.
Bad, Books, and Computers: REMEMBER
 Turn your computer off
 before midnight orn
 12/31/99.
 BUY
tamashiihiroka:

forloveofreason:

shananaomi:

jaybushman:

spytap:

ralfmaximus:

faisdm:

the-most-calamitous:

jibini:

top-lotad-breeder:

chocogoat:

what. why? someone pls explain to me pls i wasnt born yet in 1999 why turn computer off before midnight? what happen if u dont?

y2k lol everyone was like “the supervirus is gonna take over the world and ruin everything and end the world!!!”

This is the oldest I’ve ever felt. Right now.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU WEREN’T BORN YET IN 1999.

Ahh the Millenium bug.
It wasn’t a virus, it was an issue with how some old computers at the time were programmed to deal with dates. Basically some computers with older operating systems didn’t have anything in place to deal with the year reaching 99 and looping around to 00. It was believed that this inability to sync with the correct date would cause issues, and even crash entire systems the moment the date changed.
People flipped out about it, convinced that the date discrepancy between netwoked systems would bring down computers everywhere and shut down the internet and so all systems relying on computers, including plane navigation etc. would go down causing worldwide chaos. It was genuinely believed that people should all switch off computers to avoid this. One or two smart people spoke up and said “um hey, this actually will only effect a few very outdated computers and they’ll just display the wrong date, so it probably won’t be harmful” but were largely ignored because people selling books about the end of the world were talking louder.
In the end, absolutely nothing happened.

Oh gosh.
I’ve been a programmer working for various government agencies since the early 1990s and I can say with some confidence:
NOTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE WE WORKED VERY HARD FIXING SHIT THAT MOST DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE BROKEN ON 1-JAN-2000.
One example I personally worked on: vaccination databases.
My contract was with the CDC to coordinate immunization registries — you know, kids’ vaccine histories. What they got, when they got it, and (most importantly) which vaccines they were due to get next and when. These were state-wide registries, containing millions of records each.
Most of these systems were designed in the 1970s and 1980s, and stored the child’s DOB year as only two digits. This means that — had we not fixed it — just about every child in all the databases I worked on would have SUDDENLY AGED OUT OF THE PROGRAM 1-JAN-2000.
In other words: these kids would suddenly be “too old” to receive critical vaccines.
Okay, so that’s not a nuke plant exploding or airplanes dropping from the sky. In fact, nothing obvious would have occurred come Jan 1st.
BUT
Without the software advising doctors when to give vaccinations, an entire generation’s immunity to things like measles, mumps, smallpox (etc) would have been compromised. And nobody would even know there was a problem for months — possibly years — after.
You think the fun & games caused by a few anti-vaxers is bad?
Imagine whole populations going unvaccinated by accident… one case of measles and the death toll might be measured in millions.
This is one example I KNOW to be true, because I was there.
I also know that in the years leading up to 2000 there were ad-hoc discussion groups (particularly alt.risk) of amazed programmers and project managers that uncovered year-2000 traps… and fixed them.
Quietly, without fanfare. 
In many cases because admitting there was a problem would have resulted in a lawsuit by angry customers. But mostly because it was our job to fix those design flaws before anyone was inconvenienced or hurt.
So, yeah… all that Y2K hysteria was for nothing, because programmers worked their asses off to make sure it was for nothing.

Bolding mine.

Absolutely true.  My Mom worked like crazy all throughout 1998 and 1999 on dozens of systems to avoid Y2K crashes. Nothing major happened because people worked to made sure it didn’t.
Now if we could just harness that concept for some of the other major issues facing us today.  

this meme came so far since i saw it this morning. god i love tumblr teaching tumblr about history.

As a young Sys Admin during Y2K, I can confirm that it was SRS BZNS.  I worked for a major pharmaceutical company at the time.  They spent millions of dollars on consultant and programmer hours, not to mention their own employees’ time, to fix all their in-house software as well as replace it with new systems.  Sys Admins like myself were continually deploying patches, updating firmware, and deploying new systems in the months leading up to Y2K.  Once that was done, though, the programmers went home and cashed their checks.
When the FATEFUL HOUR came along, it wasn’t just one hour.  For a global company with offices in dozens of countries, it was 24 hours of being alert and on-call.  I imagine that other large organizations had similar setups with entire IT departments working in shifts to monitor everything.  Everyone was on a hair trigger, too, so the slightest problem caused ALL HANDS ON DECK pages to go out.
Yes, we had pagers.
For hard numbers IDC’s 2006 calculation put the total US cost of remediation, before and after, at $147 billion - that’s in 1999 dollars.  That paid for an army of programmers, including calling up retired grandparents from the senior center because COBOL and FORTRAN apps from the ‘60s needed fixing.
Also note that there were some problems, including $13 billion in remediation included in the figure above.  Some of these involved nuclear power plants, medical equipment, and “a customer at a New York State video rental store had a bill for $91,250, the cost of renting the movie ‘The General’s Daughter’ for 100 years.”


Y2K was anything but nothing.

Reblogging because this is a side to the story I had never heard.

tamashiihiroka: forloveofreason: shananaomi: jaybushman: spytap: ralfmaximus: faisdm: the-most-calamitous: jibini: top-lotad-breede...