thebibli adanel words crucifix nail nipples into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days WI ill ioin me in the flashbacks screaming and crying all wa l require context Because this is a very interesting start of a story and now I need the rest of it Could I get a link or a summary or something? Pretty please? All right buckle the fuck up kids it's the year 2012 and I've just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor It's a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come is vampires Everything I haven't edited a single thing in months which isn't about vampires I am ready I can do this So I open the file and notice there's a typo in the title which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down but you see l'm not quite dead inside yet so l carry on bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact It'll be dead by page 24 but I don't know that yet I'm just editing one more The MC is a girl who we'll call Sue Sue is a Good GlM Sue is has somehow managed to find herself a Bad BoyT for a boyfriend Not Like Other Girls™ she is pale and awkward and a virgin and Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One but he loves her really so it's okay Except it's not okay because Sue is a Good GirlTM and holding out till marriage which he's fine with except he's got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words hey stud and he follows dick out before she's even finished her sentence Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she's a vampire but not just any vampire a Dick Biting Vampire So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he'll feel bad about in the morning turns in dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead Except DBV fucked up and now he's a vampire Are you still with me? Good cause it's about to get weirder g bitten on the Realizing he is now an abomination Dickhead flees becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life Sue meanwhile is heartbroken but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love who she would do anything to bring back Well guess what Sue Dickhead never really left you! He's been instinctively protecting her from rapists by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now Because at's not fucking terrifying Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened Sue can do nothing but blame herself Oh if only she'd let him touch her secret places then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own realizing too late have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can't decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her And I don't mean in the French sense But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales True Love saves the day so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone not even her can bring him back to life So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity because he will never again look on ure If you've only vomited once by now I applaud your resolve So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty except she is literally so pure in spirit her flesh burns his And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul her breasts bit into his hands like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn't stop This phrase haunts me I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be god fucking dammit as I die carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife My own sol people too like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years ace is in knowing t on When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised battered and broken with a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower I am genuinely quoting this I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid Dickhead leaves Yeah Off he fucks leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window and into the night to be the true monster he really is But wait there's more Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue so tries to kill her But again Sues Purity saves her because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin so she is still a spiritual virgin and I'll be honest I started drinking an A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns realizing the mistake he has made And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter but not before he assaults Dick Biter and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off at which point i screamed THAT'S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn't take it I emailed the chief editor like ?????!lll!????Il and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement And that's the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because l stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day You're all fucking WELCOME Worse than Twilightomg-humortumblrcom Meme











found @ 26 likes ON 2019-03-11 17:27:39 BY

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