Operator 911What's your emergencyp Responder My wifes goinginto labor I don't know what to do Operator Is this herfirstborn? Responder Noths is her husband We'll be walking around a supermarket or wherever and he will stop staring at the watermelon with a look of respect put his hand on my shoulder and say what-a-melon! 1043 ICE YOUR BREATHS EXPAND FRIEND Text 419 PM 64% K Messages 6 Daddy Contact We just ate Ok so you can be here at How does the turkey I guess through its beak Send Q W E R T Y U I O P A S D F G H J K L Share on Facebook Like zofia-and-sloths listenley tayngerous A woman is at her father's deathbed She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left Dad I'm sorry she whispers Goodbye Sorry he says I'm dead 203k Guess what Forrest Gump's password is? Son Ugh stop Dad Okay I'll tell ya It's 1 forrest Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladadcom SAD consultingtimetravelingdetective Source dingle-dangle deathbycas dingle-dangle A proud new dad sits down to have adrink with his father Well son now that you've got a kid of your own l think it's time to give you this Dad you don't mean Yes son l do Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition Dad I'm honoured he says tears sparkling in his eyes Hi honoured replies his father I'm dad 34229 notes Dad Edit Messages Don't come home me and your mom are getting it on tonight HAHAHA gotta hate autocorrect right? What do you mean You made a typo right look at your last text No l did not make a typo Guess what time the man went to the dentist? Tooth hurt -y Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladadcom SAD SON UR 2 NOW OLD ENUFF FOR THE TALK IM DROWNIN IN IT WRITTEN BY GO TORMNY PICKEALS SEE SEX IS A LOT LIKE A OCEAN LOL NOW PUT UR HAND uP THIS IS CALLED A HIGH FIVE DRAWN BY VECTORBELLY Dad hurt his wrist and had to go to the hospital where he talked to a doctor Dad When this heals will I be able to play the piano? Doctor Yes You'll be fine in a few days Dad Perfect I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument 217 PM 82% OO AT&T LTE Contact Messages Today 1250 PM Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie Today 210 PM Ur sick I thought it was a Gouda joke to rethink I am telling the Yes Don't make me out to be some kind of muenster! Delivered On a walk today with my family We get onto the game what would you do? ask what would you do If fell down a cliff My sister says call him an ambulance My dad's reply how would that help he's down a cliff dieing and I'm shouting LUCAS YOUR AN AMBULANCE My dad ladies and gentlemen Shhh Don't skin me like that WHY ALL THESE POTATO PUNS? You could say It's because Potato puns are Apeeling Dad What do you want for your birthday? Son want a remote control car dad Dad Say no more son AT&T LTE 854 PM News Feed Status o Photo Check In LE News Feed Chris R minutes ago Mie How much snow is there? Dad Well it's not really snow it's more like Snew Me Snew? Whats snew? Dad Not much what's snew with you? can't believe that just happened 5 Likes Like comment Share So I'm Watching the Incredibles with the family and this happened Syndrome And when everyone is super no one will be My Dad Who is no one and why does he get to be super My Dad Bursts out laughing Everone else REALLY! Dad X Messages Edit Hey dad do u belive in ghosts?? No son there is no such things as ghosts But our maid said that ghost were real Pack your bags Meet me in he car now Y WE DONT HAVE A MAID NEDcom Send smart How did Anakin know what gift Obi-Wan was going to give him? He felt his presents Dad fokes Wall of Shame hortobeadadcom SAO jungwildeandfree thisismedisa ear in l stubbed my toe and naturally l screamed mOTHERFUCKER'' and then my dad poked his head out of the livingroom and said you rang? hats off for the ultimate dad joke 87 792 notes What did the beach say to the other beach? Oh my god what now? Nothing they just waved Oh Did you see what i did there? No Im shore you did How do you have friends? Don't be such a beach My kid said to me DadWhat's ET Short for OTO Whichi replied because he's got little legs WHAT DID THE HAT SAY TO THE HAT RACK? YOU STAY HERE ITM GOING TO GO ON AHEAD DRACULA DOESNT HAVE MANY FRIENDS BECAUSE HES A PAIN IN THE NECK MISS THE OLD TELEPHONES THEY WERE KINKY TURNING POINT By ANDYMAN1943 What's that wheel on your belt? WWWTOONDOOCOM Arrr it's driving me nuts! WOULD YOU LIKE SOMECHEESE WITH THAT WHINEP Son did you hear about that actress who was killed recentlyReese WithersWither-something Son Witherspoon? Dad No with a knife Dad Joke Han Solo adadiokohansolo 13h What is a bounty hunter's favorite cheese? Boba Feta I'm sorry @KyloR3n was that joke to #cheesy for you!? Haha! I WOULD TELL A JOKE ABOUT PIZZA BUT IT'S A LITTLE CHEESV CHEERS TO LEGENDARV Heineken THEVD BE BRD IF THEW LUERENT DAD'S CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DAD JOKES THEV D BE BAD IF THEW WEREn T DAD'S Heineken open your world DAD Text Did you notice the big leek in the bathroom when you left? 103p No 211p type a text message 251 206p DAD JOKES top Aop What are you doing? I'm measuring your patience illustrations eswatercolour ~joke uOreosmooshy My dad came back from a business trip in America ME So what's it like in San Francisco? DAD A lot like Ireland though everyone wears short-sleeved tops ME Why is it really hot there? DAD No Americans wear short sleeves for constitutional reasons ME What DAD Because the second amendment states that all Americans have the right to BARE ARMS!!! laughs uncontrollably tickld IIMTERRIFIEDOFELENATORS 'LL BETAKING STEPS TO AVOID THEM Dad Jokes t by shitty Watercolour You know son I couldnt find a single shoe shop in town today They all seemed to sell them in Pairs! Joke by uirandomsnark HAVE YOU MET MY KIOP HE HAS MY EYES! I NEED THEM BACK Why is water the most hipster element? Earth Because i and Fir fore they In were famou 223 PM Verizon 3G Dad Edit Messages Dad my computer can't find the WiFi printer anymore I renamed it to Bob Marley same password Why Bob Marley? Because its always Jammin God damn it Send WHYDIDNTTHE SHRIMP SHAREHISTREASURELUKE DARTHPLEASE THIS ISAVERY SERIOUS- BECAUSE HEWASALITTLESHELLFISH CHECK IT OUT I'M THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO CLONE MYSELF! THAT'S AMAZING I BET I'M BESIDE MYSELF! YOU'RE PRETTY EXCITED! YOU DID THIS JUST TO MAKE THAT JOKE DIDN'T YOU BEST TWELVE BILLION DOLLARS I EVER SPENT Cyanide and Happiness O Explosmnet a 90% D 1041 AM Verizon jenna m1213 PHOTO DeC 26 20172 Dad there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? Pls hurry because I'm going to cry Dad Dad Dec 26 2012 230 PM Dad is dead You're next Love Moth 19 likes jenna ma 1213 This was my sisters text message to my dad and my dad is frekin weird This is my dad His name is Cliff DANGEROUS CLIFF STAY BACK Dad Hey kids a train just passed by Me and my siblings How do you know? Dad It left its tracks It was funny the first time when I was 9 Now it's funny because it's dad humor Dad I'm hungry Hello Hungry I'm dad Dad I'm serious I thought you were Hungry? You're kidding me No I'm dad Me Dad where are we? Dad In the car ITEM DIDN'T SCAN? TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOU THINKIT SHOULD IBF FRE enue memecenter-Com WITHOUT NIPPLES BOOBS WOULD BE POINTLESS ITS HARD TO ENPLAIN PUNS TO KLEPTOMANIACS THEY ALWAYS TAKE THINGS Dad Joke Han Solo Follow Odladjokehansolo What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-YODA! Ben are you old enough to drive l don't remember 110 207 1133 PM 13 Jan 2016 HOW'S THE WATER? WET CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DAD JOKES THEV'D BE BAD IF THEV WEREn'T DAD'S Holland Imported by HeinekenUSAInc a York NYe2013Heineken Lager Beer Heineken open your world WHAT IS BEETHOVEN'S FAVORITE FRUIT? BA-NA-NA-NA- A SHEEP A DRUMANDASNAKE FALL DOWN A CLIFF BA-DUMM-TSS I WAS ADDICTED TO THE HOKEY POKEY BUT I TURNED MYSELF AROUND M ign com f HOW DO YOU SPOT THE BLIND GUY ATA NUDIST COLONY ITS NOT HARD CAn Vou GIUE ME A HAND? SURE BUT I NEED IT BACK WHEN VOU'RE DOME CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DADJOKES WANTED TO BUYCAMOUFLAGE PANTS BUTICOULDNTFINDANY A three-legged dog walks into a bar Guess what he said to the bartender? Son Stop Dad I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw HOW'S YOUR JOBATTHE CALENDAR FACTORY GOING? IGOTAREDBECAUSEI TOOKACOUPLEOFDAYSoFF When yo dad come back after 18 years saying damn that line at Walmart was no joke dope trvp WITH UELORO IT'S A TOTAL RIP-OFF CHEERS TO LEGEnDARV #DADJOKES MYGIRLFRIENDANDIWATCHEDEVERY HARRY POTTERMOVIE BACK TO BACK LUCKILY I WAS THE ONE FACING THE TV TO THE GUY WHO INVENTED TERO ZERO THANKS FOR NOTHING AT&T 3G 930 AM Dad Edit Messages Gas is 369 out here premium is even more Enough With the Saab story Damnit that's goo Send Ive started working as a porn writer but its harder than expected There just so many holes in the plot WHY DID THE COWBOYGOTO CHURCH HETHOUGHT ITWASASTEAK CENTER Son Dad are you alright? No I'm half left Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladadcom SAD Hey Dad can I work a half-day today Me working for my dads company Half of a day is 12 hours Sure you can but *Troll DadBoss* problem? HOW DOES MOSES MAKE COFFEE? Hebrews it quickmemecom What do you call the fear of being trapped in a chimney? CLAUStrophobia Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeadadcom I KNOWITSCHEESY BUT I FEEL GRATE LIHowdoylu Lind Will Smithin the snow- Look Lhe fresh prints Lu LA Son I Have A Joke For u Tell Me I Know You Dont I Dont Get It forev Pussy I Dont Get It FFUU UU U memecentercom MameCenuera AN ADVIENTURED ALPACA MY BAGS What veggie do star athletes eat to run fast? Accelery ada djks What's the difference between a piano a tuna and glue? Son What? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna Son What about the glue? I knew you'd get stuck there Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladadcom SAD JOKEDTOSTATICALLYCHARGED 8-YEAR-OLD THAT SHELL NEED TO BE GROUNDED SPENT REST OF EVENING EXPLAININGIWASNT PUNISHING HER Guy Dangerous @Lerky Son Mom Dad I'm gay Mom *staring at dad Dad *clenches fists Mom don't! Dad *sweats profusely Mom Dad HI GAY IM DAD MY FIRST TIME USING AN ELEVATOR WAS AN UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE THE SECOND TIME LET ME DOWN Server Do you want a cup or a bowl? Dad That's probably a good idea Otherwise it will just go all over the table 22 WORDSCOM Dads universally make unfunny jokes and have terrible humor and I'm just sitting here $100% screamingcrying Meme



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